Total Pageviews

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Yield/right of way

Been thinking....Is there ever a time when you should yield to your child?

Give in?? Back off?? Overlook??

Hummmmm

It certainly should not be anyway near the norm but sometime..somewhere...somehow...maybe.

Jimmy has a 7:30 bedtime. His favorite movie came on..it's a school nite and the movie won't be over for another hour..He begs.... How about it....one time with a warning about getting up and ready in the morning with no problem?

Kelly wants 2 friends for overnite. You have experienced the 3rd wheel thing and it has not been pretty or pleasant in the past...BUT this time it will be different...she tell you how and why she is feeling the way she is and again with "warning" you allow one more sleepover.

Fred only rides his bike in the yard. He wants to go to his friends around the corner. No no no you have said it repeatedly...but now how about it...call the other mom and tell her to call you as soon as he pulls into her drive.

I could list scenarios forever. Ones that take in every age level. Sometimes we yield....it is better that the boundary be tested with your permission and watchfulness.If the plan fails you can always return to square one.

I remember coming to the conclusion that my daughter could NOT spend 2 nites away from home consecutively. Too Much Too tired tears would ALWAYS follow . But after a number of months we tried it again. It worked. It did not become the norm, but was doable.

Live and learn I guess that's what it's called. You will know. Check yourself that you are not turning into a control freak, too ridgid and needing to be always right. It will not go good with you as the years pass. Loosen up, compare notes with a friend, get counsel, whatever it takes sometimes it's wise to yeild.

Blessings
Marnie

Back log of articles can be seen on the blog page of www.comeinandrest.com. If for any reason you would like to be taken off this mailer, let me know and I will tend to it asap.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

When Daddys little helper becomes Mom's extra hands

I saw the wee babe today with the bib that says Daddys Little Helper. How cute and hopeful for the days ahead.

But as we all know life does not always turn out as planned.

Sometimes Daddy's Little Helper is left behind with mom.

I was chatting with a woman the other day who was talking about just this situation.

Her husband had left and she remained at home caring for their three sons. She was telling about how overwhelmed she was with the whole "spring" thing. How the yard, the gardens, the repairs etc. had put her under a cloud of discouragement.

I asked her about the boys and if she had them help and she told me how they too would just get discouraged and run the other way. "That was Dad's job", "We don't know how to do that" "It's unfair that we should have to do adult work" etc etc etc

Well, you know what "that WAS Dad's job" but "Oh Well" it still needs to be done. Mom as well probably has never done some of this stuff before. She very well may not know where or how to begin. But again too bad someone has got to do it.

So lay your guilt aside...Take a deep breath, and round up the troops. "Jim get the rake, John you will load the leaves on the tarp and Jared you haul it all to the woods. We are going to tackle this portion together and get it done. Period. Put down the joysticks and clicker. It's time to go to work, pull together, make a dent,accomplish something.

This is training ground. It is a good thing. Many hands really do make light work.! No one has died from getting their hands dirty or trying something new! Happy Trails!

Blessings,
Marnie

Sunday, May 4, 2008

the cat and the bed....(don't play games)

I recently returned home from a trip south to see three of my children. As I was "taking back the territory" cleaning, vacuuming and dusting, I came across our cat, Perez, dozing in the papasan chair in the family room.
NOW..this is a NO-no and he KNOWS it!
As I entered the room I did not even have to open my mouth when I could see his body stiffen, his ears go flat and he went into flight mode. WHY because he KNEW that he was doing something that he was not supppose to!

A little while later, on a different floor of the house, I came upon him again. This time he was sleeping peacefully on Kendall's bed. Now he has slept with Kendall for years. I thought for a moment as I went in and out of the room "wow I could really get to him if I scolded him right now" sick thought I know but it got me to thinking.....

We do this sometimes, perhaps not so intentionally, with our children. Now I know I could list our YahButs...but in the long run it is still not right. Mean and cruel may be a little harsh but maybe not. Our kids are allowed to do something one time and then we totally flip out when it happens in another scenerio.

Go back to the kitty and think about the animals pysical reactions if I went in there ranting and raving holding a broom over my head. I know it would take a few years off his life! How about you, put yourself in that position, you are minding your own business when WHAM someone crawls all over you for something you have been doing forever that has never been mentioned!!

Back to the kids. AGAIN I repeat and repeat.

Pick your battles.
Mean what you say.
Be consistent.
Don't go back and forth....yes one minute, no the next.

When your children look at you they should be assured of the boundaries that you have set for them...they should not be walking on egg shells and, by the way, neither should you be(but that is a different blog!). They need a clear line on what is OK and what is not. It needs to start young and follow them out the door.

Happy trails to you!
Blessings,
Marnie