OK I just feel like I need to address this before we go into any more areas of childrearing.
Guilt Guilt Guilt
Why do we go there so easily? Guilt is the root of much of the disfunctional mothering that has been passed down through the ages.
So lay down on the couch and "let's talk".
Guilt comes from outside and inside. It can be real or imaginary. It is a feeling and sometimes a fact! It has many faces.
Websters says: "Guilt: Tha act or state of having done a wrong or committed an offense Conduct that involves guilt, wrongdoing, crime sin."
I wish that we could "round table" this!
I have a memory of standing in front of my child and saying outloud..."and I will NOT feel guilty!!"
It's a choice to feel guilty or not. Have we done something wrong? If so we need to ask forgiveness or do the best we can with the situation.
What brings about feelings of guilt? I think it is our insecurity. If we are confident in our decision as to who what where and why We should be able to stand on it. We will be the ones to answer for what we do ...not anyone else.
What does guilt do to us?
1. It causes us to do and make decisions that are not good.
Moooooommmmm I want it !!!! You never..... You always.... I hate you.....
A. We give in....B. Im sorry Johnny but no Ive made up my mind and we will talk about it when we get home.
2. It can cause us stress and anguish.
I cant believe that you dont have a meal on the table!! What have you done all day? blah blah blah
another failure after a day of whiney kids and endless telephone calls and plugged toilets.
Im sorry Hon its been a day of all days...I havent had a minute ...the baby has been in a mood all day and your mom dropped in and talked for 2 hours about the problems of the world! Lets send out or there is cereal or maybe an egg sandwich..Would you mind giving me a hand.?
3. It drives us to do things that feed into habitual wrong actions.
ie : "Mom, Rick and I have decided to have thanksgiving at home with the kids this year. It is just too much to be on the road all day going back and forth between family ..so we are going to begin our own tradition. I hope you understand" .....
"WHAT!!! I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD DO THAT..You know that your aunt is going to want to see the kids ..and who will help with the meal. I think that your husband is being totally unfair to make you stay at home..."
A. Honey we just have to go to moms cause I feel so GUILTY...
B..Mom Im sorry, you will do great as you usually do and Im sure you'll not miss 3 tired kids! How about if I drop off a pie on wednesday to help. we sure will miss everyone but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!
( a note to mom after the holiday expressing your love to her would be a nice touch!)
Well I know we have just scratched the surface on this one.!
But girls lay the guilt down....think through your decisions and stick with them. It will get easier with practice.
Blessings! Marnie
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
#2 Toys Toys Toys
Did you know that a child can have too many toys...and that it creates an overwhelming atmosphere for he/she/they to be able to concentrate/play or learn in
At the risk of causing Santa to frown on me....I will say it again .... simplify the toy room/box etc..
Have you ever watched a toddler have so much fun with the wrapping paper or a box. Duh he's saying something....uncomplicated is better... Why do we seem to need to provide everything that we did not have as a child....the newest of everything...the more the better no. It does not work that way.
1. Children need fresh air and whenever it is possible they need to have some time outside running and playing. Even when my babes were tiny I would have them sleep outside in the carriage for a nap...They would come in with a little red nose and rosey cheeks but with warm bodies under alll those blankets! It does not need to be a long time outside (especially for those that cannot go out unsupervised.....just some time a little in the morning and the same in the afternoon....even 15 minutes to walk and run and play.
2. Organized play is good. Perhaps you could find a moms group or a play group. Plan to take a trip to the park on a certain day of the week. Try having "Tuesdays we get the playdough out"....What ever it is kids thrive on routine. They like to know what's going on.
3. When they play with the toys they should just get out what they want to play with. You must supervise this. If left to themselves ALL the boxes will be emptied and all the pieces will be strewn everywhere. .. Too much to play with and definately too much to pick up!
4 Puzzels .books, coloring books and blocks You can never go wrong with these toys. These are the staples.... of the toy room with a few other things thrown in.
For years I would separate the toys into 2 parts. One part remained in the toyroom and the other in the attic. In 4-6 months I would switch (after going through everything, weeding out broken or unused toys) and bring the attic toys down. I also kept a box of "rainy day toys" as well...Different things that ONLY came out on that day when "nothing seemed to work".
5. A dress up box is great to have! Salvation Army, Goodwill or even yard sales can fill a box up quickly and for not much $$.
6. I hear complaints of too much given by the relatives. Hummm. Perhaps you might suggest that Auntie or Gram and Gramp might add to the saving account or even take little Georgie out to Chunky Cheeses on a date. Is there something that you have wanted or needed for the kids room? A new toybox? A book case, some shelves?
7. Make a tent!! anywhere anytime anyhow.... A tent is the bomb!!! sheets, blankets, a quilt thrown over the kitchen table ..We would tuck a blanket under the top bunk and have it hang down to close in the bottom bunk....What fun! A large appliance box is great as well!
So how about it....Attack the play room! (probably better to do it while Jenny is asleep) Simplify the whole room. Organize the stuff so that when we play house all the kitchen stuff is together. etc.. You will find it so much easier to handle and the kids will play longer with what they have out because they will not be constantly being distracted by everything around them.
And then when you're all done....How about your closet??:)
Blessings! Marnimom
At the risk of causing Santa to frown on me....I will say it again .... simplify the toy room/box etc..
Have you ever watched a toddler have so much fun with the wrapping paper or a box. Duh he's saying something....uncomplicated is better... Why do we seem to need to provide everything that we did not have as a child....the newest of everything...the more the better no. It does not work that way.
1. Children need fresh air and whenever it is possible they need to have some time outside running and playing. Even when my babes were tiny I would have them sleep outside in the carriage for a nap...They would come in with a little red nose and rosey cheeks but with warm bodies under alll those blankets! It does not need to be a long time outside (especially for those that cannot go out unsupervised.....just some time a little in the morning and the same in the afternoon....even 15 minutes to walk and run and play.
2. Organized play is good. Perhaps you could find a moms group or a play group. Plan to take a trip to the park on a certain day of the week. Try having "Tuesdays we get the playdough out"....What ever it is kids thrive on routine. They like to know what's going on.
3. When they play with the toys they should just get out what they want to play with. You must supervise this. If left to themselves ALL the boxes will be emptied and all the pieces will be strewn everywhere. .. Too much to play with and definately too much to pick up!
4 Puzzels .books, coloring books and blocks You can never go wrong with these toys. These are the staples.... of the toy room with a few other things thrown in.
For years I would separate the toys into 2 parts. One part remained in the toyroom and the other in the attic. In 4-6 months I would switch (after going through everything, weeding out broken or unused toys) and bring the attic toys down. I also kept a box of "rainy day toys" as well...Different things that ONLY came out on that day when "nothing seemed to work".
5. A dress up box is great to have! Salvation Army, Goodwill or even yard sales can fill a box up quickly and for not much $$.
6. I hear complaints of too much given by the relatives. Hummm. Perhaps you might suggest that Auntie or Gram and Gramp might add to the saving account or even take little Georgie out to Chunky Cheeses on a date. Is there something that you have wanted or needed for the kids room? A new toybox? A book case, some shelves?
7. Make a tent!! anywhere anytime anyhow.... A tent is the bomb!!! sheets, blankets, a quilt thrown over the kitchen table ..We would tuck a blanket under the top bunk and have it hang down to close in the bottom bunk....What fun! A large appliance box is great as well!
So how about it....Attack the play room! (probably better to do it while Jenny is asleep) Simplify the whole room. Organize the stuff so that when we play house all the kitchen stuff is together. etc.. You will find it so much easier to handle and the kids will play longer with what they have out because they will not be constantly being distracted by everything around them.
And then when you're all done....How about your closet??:)
Blessings! Marnimom
#1 Parenting changes......
Parenting changes over the years ...but it doesn't!!!
When the babes are small they need consistent Mom time.. The rules and expectations need to be clear and spoken directly into those little eyes.....having them repeat it back helps also.
It is mandatory that you remain calm. What is it that sends us into that zone anyway? We all know that once that little human breathed its first breath in this world our lives would never be the same.....so why do we fight it so hard and get so irritated that our time is now not our own!
You're calm and you have communicated.... but what have you communicated? Think through what you will and will not put up with. Is it important to you that your child responds on your first
communication? Do you care if he/she gets up 3-5 times after he is put to bed? Do you really want to put up with whining? Temper tantrums? Bullying? Whats it like with your little ones in public...do you dread it...?
Set your boundaries in your own thinking first.... what is important to you??
It is best if you and your husband or perhaps daycare provider is on the same page for discipline....It is much less confusing to a child to know everyone in his life is expecting the same behavior.
Once you get underway remember praise praise praise
dont let your guard down and keep rested!
It is very important for your child to rest in the afternoon. Even if it is just a quiet time. After lunch is the perfect time to expect 1-2 hours of peace. Remember as tempting as it is dont let the child sleep too late in the afternoon or he/she will be up later in the evening. I have never regretted having my little ones in for the nite at 7:30 clean, read to and looking forward to a new day. Then I could do a few uninterrupted tasks.... from a chore to watching a TV show or even having a friend in or perhaps running to Walmart while your hubby watches the game....he wont mind if the kids are asleep!
Well thats alot for tonite....I'll write more on the other end of the spectrum another time
PS if any of this is helpful please let me know...if you would like to be added or deleted from this kind of mailing tell me and if you have personal questions dont hesitate to call me at 603-275-4904
Blessings!
When the babes are small they need consistent Mom time.. The rules and expectations need to be clear and spoken directly into those little eyes.....having them repeat it back helps also.
It is mandatory that you remain calm. What is it that sends us into that zone anyway? We all know that once that little human breathed its first breath in this world our lives would never be the same.....so why do we fight it so hard and get so irritated that our time is now not our own!
You're calm and you have communicated.... but what have you communicated? Think through what you will and will not put up with. Is it important to you that your child responds on your first
communication? Do you care if he/she gets up 3-5 times after he is put to bed? Do you really want to put up with whining? Temper tantrums? Bullying? Whats it like with your little ones in public...do you dread it...?
Set your boundaries in your own thinking first.... what is important to you??
It is best if you and your husband or perhaps daycare provider is on the same page for discipline....It is much less confusing to a child to know everyone in his life is expecting the same behavior.
Once you get underway remember praise praise praise
dont let your guard down and keep rested!
It is very important for your child to rest in the afternoon. Even if it is just a quiet time. After lunch is the perfect time to expect 1-2 hours of peace. Remember as tempting as it is dont let the child sleep too late in the afternoon or he/she will be up later in the evening. I have never regretted having my little ones in for the nite at 7:30 clean, read to and looking forward to a new day. Then I could do a few uninterrupted tasks.... from a chore to watching a TV show or even having a friend in or perhaps running to Walmart while your hubby watches the game....he wont mind if the kids are asleep!
Well thats alot for tonite....I'll write more on the other end of the spectrum another time
PS if any of this is helpful please let me know...if you would like to be added or deleted from this kind of mailing tell me and if you have personal questions dont hesitate to call me at 603-275-4904
Blessings!
Yeah! Caramel Popcorn
Just in time for the holidays!! Great for teachers presents!
Pop kernals to make 6 quarts of popcorn. I use a dry electric corn popper.
Put popped corn in LARGE bowl or something that you will be able to stir it in without it going everywhere....maybe your wheelbarrow :)
Boil for 5 minutes: 2 cups brown sugar
2 sticks of margarine
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup corn syrup (lite or dark)
Take off the burner and add 1tsp. butter flavor(opt)
and 1 tsp. baking soda
The mixture will begin to expand when mixed throughly with a spoon or whisk. Pour over the popcorn and stir to coat evenly.
Put the bowl if metal or the mixture on cookie sheets in a 200degree oven and stir every 15 mins for 30-60 mins. sometimes I skip this stage it simply causes it to not be sicky.
Pack in a airtight container. I would buy little buckets and pack it for gifts... We make this numerous times a year. Yum!!!
Pop kernals to make 6 quarts of popcorn. I use a dry electric corn popper.
Put popped corn in LARGE bowl or something that you will be able to stir it in without it going everywhere....maybe your wheelbarrow :)
Boil for 5 minutes: 2 cups brown sugar
2 sticks of margarine
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup corn syrup (lite or dark)
Take off the burner and add 1tsp. butter flavor(opt)
and 1 tsp. baking soda
The mixture will begin to expand when mixed throughly with a spoon or whisk. Pour over the popcorn and stir to coat evenly.
Put the bowl if metal or the mixture on cookie sheets in a 200degree oven and stir every 15 mins for 30-60 mins. sometimes I skip this stage it simply causes it to not be sicky.
Pack in a airtight container. I would buy little buckets and pack it for gifts... We make this numerous times a year. Yum!!!
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