#3 MOTHER GUILT

OK I just feel like I need to address this before we go into any more areas of childrearing.
Guilt Guilt Guilt
Why do we go there so easily? Guilt is the root of much of the disfunctional mothering that has been passed down through the ages.

So lay down on the couch and "let's talk".

Guilt comes from outside and inside. It can be real or imaginary. It is a feeling and sometimes a fact! It has many faces.
Websters says: "Guilt: Tha act or state of having done a wrong or committed an offense Conduct that involves guilt, wrongdoing, crime sin."

I wish that we could "round table" this!

I have a memory of standing in front of my child and saying outloud..."and I will NOT feel guilty!!"

It's a choice to feel guilty or not. Have we done something wrong? If so we need to ask forgiveness or do the best we can with the situation.

What brings about feelings of guilt? I think it is our insecurity. If we are confident in our decision as to who what where and why We should be able to stand on it. We will be the ones to answer for what we do ...not anyone else.

What does guilt do to us?
1. It causes us to do and make decisions that are not good.

Moooooommmmm I want it !!!! You never..... You always.... I hate you.....
A. We give in....B. Im sorry Johnny but no Ive made up my mind and we will talk about it when we get home.

2. It can cause us stress and anguish.
I cant believe that you dont have a meal on the table!! What have you done all day? blah blah blah

another failure after a day of whiney kids and endless telephone calls and plugged toilets.

Im sorry Hon its been a day of all days...I havent had a minute ...the baby has been in a mood all day and your mom dropped in and talked for 2 hours about the problems of the world! Lets send out or there is cereal or maybe an egg sandwich..Would you mind giving me a hand.?

3. It drives us to do things that feed into habitual wrong actions.

ie : "Mom, Rick and I have decided to have thanksgiving at home with the kids this year. It is just too much to be on the road all day going back and forth between family ..so we are going to begin our own tradition. I hope you understand" .....

"WHAT!!! I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD DO THAT..You know that your aunt is going to want to see the kids ..and who will help with the meal. I think that your husband is being totally unfair to make you stay at home..."

A. Honey we just have to go to moms cause I feel so GUILTY...

B..Mom Im sorry, you will do great as you usually do and Im sure you'll not miss 3 tired kids! How about if I drop off a pie on wednesday to help. we sure will miss everyone but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!
( a note to mom after the holiday expressing your love to her would be a nice touch!)

Well I know we have just scratched the surface on this one.!
But girls lay the guilt down....think through your decisions and stick with them. It will get easier with practice.

Blessings! Marnie