I sincerely hate to even write about this as it seems to just document once more the serious decline of the American Family.
For a number of years I worked in a family law office. I heard and saw many things as my eyes were opened to what was going on in the world around me.
Too often I saw children being swallowed up in the divorce procedure. They were used like pawns as wounded and bleeding parents postured themselves for the next battle. ( most never realizing or admitting that they were involving their children at all)
YOU MUST NOT DO THIS.
It is best overall if you determine to keep quiet about your estranged spouse. Prying information out of your children as to what is going on "in the other camp" not only will cause great confusion and hurt in the child but will do the same for you as well.
I'm begging you here. Please do not talk about your spouse with your children. If you constantly bad-mouth and degrade him/her in front of your child you will promote bitterness and confusion that can very well backfire. Believe me, your spouse will show him or herself over time without you saying anything.
I understand that too often the other side may be able to be the "Santa Clause" who is always able to spend money and do things that the one left behind cannot possibly compare with. This can be very hurtful as you are just trying to keep the ship afloat while holding the family on a somewhat normal schedule. Then the weekend comes and it's dining out, movies, bowling, skiing, Chucky Cheese etc etc etc. It seems so unfair But believe me when I tell you that the four wall of home are so important. Established rules, habits and traditions will stand long after trips to the mall have faded.
Please determine to protect your children during this very difficult time. They will suffer enough as it is. Continue to encourage respect, obedience etc towards the other parent. Take the high road. Honestly, I DO realize how difficult this is when one is parenting wounded, but please for the sake and emotional health of the child protect their innocence.
Blessings!
Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parents. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
A new kid on the block!
Babies. There's nothing like them!
They can stop the traffic in a grocery store, cause old ladies to croon and push parents to the end of themselves!
When I hear that a couple, with marital problems, are thinking that having a baby will solve their issues, I want to scream, "NO! DON'T DO IT!"
Between the physical and emotional toll on the mom and the stress that this wee one can put on the financial budget (or non-budget) and responsibility of a dad, a new family needs to be PREPARED!
"Prepared" means alot more than a newly painted nursery and shelves full of diapers. This requires a commitment~ A commitment to stay strong and mature~ a commitment to push aside the basic need for rest and quiet~ a commitment to stand by each other!
Don't get me wrong! I love babies!
I just think that it would be smart to talk about it first. Read a few books. Get together with some friends who have children and ask questions. Babysit for a couple so that they can have a weekend away. Count the Cost!
The rest of your lives will be affected. It does not end at 18, 28 or 58 years of age. Your child is your child.
It is an absolutely wonderful thing.
Some days will be more wonderful than others :).
Just remember that the process is all encompassing and absolutely requires commitment!
Blessings!
They can stop the traffic in a grocery store, cause old ladies to croon and push parents to the end of themselves!
When I hear that a couple, with marital problems, are thinking that having a baby will solve their issues, I want to scream, "NO! DON'T DO IT!"
Between the physical and emotional toll on the mom and the stress that this wee one can put on the financial budget (or non-budget) and responsibility of a dad, a new family needs to be PREPARED!
"Prepared" means alot more than a newly painted nursery and shelves full of diapers. This requires a commitment~ A commitment to stay strong and mature~ a commitment to push aside the basic need for rest and quiet~ a commitment to stand by each other!
Don't get me wrong! I love babies!
I just think that it would be smart to talk about it first. Read a few books. Get together with some friends who have children and ask questions. Babysit for a couple so that they can have a weekend away. Count the Cost!
The rest of your lives will be affected. It does not end at 18, 28 or 58 years of age. Your child is your child.
It is an absolutely wonderful thing.
Some days will be more wonderful than others :).
Just remember that the process is all encompassing and absolutely requires commitment!
Blessings!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Parents be aware
In Sunday School we used to sing a little song:
"Oh be careful little ears what you hear"
Our little ones are born with a clean slate and as parents we should be very aware as to what gets "written" on those innocent minds and hearts. It is important to check our selfishness at the door and consider the children that have been given to us to raise.
Things to be aware of:
1...You and "whoever" should NEVER argue in front of your children. Control your anger and WAIT until you can be secluded to talk it out. (it's called self-control)
2. Be aware of the company you keep. Remember children seem to hear everything ! Your friends, their play/school mates and public in general should be entered into with discretion.
3. Music. As parents many times we are not listening to the words of the tunes that may be innocently playing on the car radio, in the kids rooms or with their peers. Be attentive to this and check out the lyrics once in a while to keep on top of things.
4. Television. Be aware of what is playing on the tube. Many people are in the habit of just turning the tv on for sound when they are in the house. There are ALOT of inappropriate things, including advertisement, that our children do not need to hear
5. Our own mouths. Nagging, gossip, swearing, complaining, whining etc etc. The apple will not fall far from the tree.
We cannot live in a bubble but if you commit to being aware .. you will have a head start.
If you argue in front of the children...Apologize.
If your friends or their friends use inappropriate language, correct it.
If music is offensive simply turn it off. Take a stand
Turn the television off. Quiet is not that bad and is a lost "atmosphere". Choose appropriate shows in advance and keep a tight reign on the tube.
Clean up your own mouth/attitude. You can do it and it is important! Rear your children to be better than yourself. Find help if you need to.
Each and every offense can be used as a teaching point. Use it.
Be honest, forthright, practice what you preach and determine to parent well. You only get one chance. This clean slate does not come with an eraser.
Blessings!
"Oh be careful little ears what you hear"
Our little ones are born with a clean slate and as parents we should be very aware as to what gets "written" on those innocent minds and hearts. It is important to check our selfishness at the door and consider the children that have been given to us to raise.
Things to be aware of:
1...You and "whoever" should NEVER argue in front of your children. Control your anger and WAIT until you can be secluded to talk it out. (it's called self-control)
2. Be aware of the company you keep. Remember children seem to hear everything ! Your friends, their play/school mates and public in general should be entered into with discretion.
3. Music. As parents many times we are not listening to the words of the tunes that may be innocently playing on the car radio, in the kids rooms or with their peers. Be attentive to this and check out the lyrics once in a while to keep on top of things.
4. Television. Be aware of what is playing on the tube. Many people are in the habit of just turning the tv on for sound when they are in the house. There are ALOT of inappropriate things, including advertisement, that our children do not need to hear
5. Our own mouths. Nagging, gossip, swearing, complaining, whining etc etc. The apple will not fall far from the tree.
We cannot live in a bubble but if you commit to being aware .. you will have a head start.
If you argue in front of the children...Apologize.
If your friends or their friends use inappropriate language, correct it.
If music is offensive simply turn it off. Take a stand
Turn the television off. Quiet is not that bad and is a lost "atmosphere". Choose appropriate shows in advance and keep a tight reign on the tube.
Clean up your own mouth/attitude. You can do it and it is important! Rear your children to be better than yourself. Find help if you need to.
Each and every offense can be used as a teaching point. Use it.
Be honest, forthright, practice what you preach and determine to parent well. You only get one chance. This clean slate does not come with an eraser.
Blessings!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)