Beware....sometimes when we see this dance we tend to believe that the child/young adult is ready to move outside the boundaries. I believe it is more likely that they are testing to make sure the boundaries stay in tact.
Boundaries that move can be scary...it can cause stress and then lack of judgement. Ex. You have said repeatedly that the curfew is 11pm on the weekend. Jane wants to stay out till 12:30 with her friends. She has been asking for weeks and you have held your ground. You begin to think maybe its alright and besides you are sick of the conflict and argument every weekend. You finally say "OK just go, but don't complain that you are exhausted at work tomorrow."
I hope that I can convey what sometimes happens here: Jane is surprized....1. she sees that whining and asking repeatedly works. 2. she got her way. 3. it must be alright or you would not have let her go. 4. thus all that goes with the change may be alright also.
Granted we need to keep this within context.
If you indeed feel that Jane can begin to stay out till midnite, you need to sit her down and have a discussion. Don't let it come about with an argument. I hope that you are understanding my sentiment. There are boundaries that get pushed out naturally with age and trust and then there are those that should not move. Ex:
You can not go to his house when his parents are not home.
You cannot make a last minute request and expect to have it happen.
You cannot go to the parties at the college.
You cannot drive the new car after dark.
I trust that you have gotten my message. Boundaries are special markers. They are there for a reason. They make a child feel secure and taken care of. They will be tested but remember many times it is to see that they remain in tact rather than crumble.
Stay strong parents You are building an adult.
Blessings
Marnie
No comments:
Post a Comment