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Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Potty and big boy/girl pants

Well, here goes.
I've been putting this writing off.

First, I want you all to know my credentials on this subject.

Out of 12 of my children, 6 boys and 6 girls, they were ALL BUT ONE totally trained, day and night, BY their 2nd birthday. The one that wasn't was totally trained by 26 months.

I also want to add that I have NO children that are afraid of the bathroom, that are constantly constipated etc...from bad experiences.

I have talked to numerous moms about this topic over the past 30 years.... it's just not easy or fun!

I believe around 20 months or so, considering that the child is physically and psychologically "normal", the child is ready to potty train. (I have had moms tell me that their child was trained at 1 but I would argue that the mom was trained)

Again with just about all of our topics of parenting...YOU, the parent, are the one that needs to get serious before there will be any results.

Begin by looking for a pattern. Start setting the little one on the potty every hour or so. You are trying to "catch" a successful "out" come.:) Watch the amount of drinking as well.

When that happens throw a party! Jump up and down, sing, dance.. in other words let Julie know that THIS is a GOOD thing. (I always had a treat ready for the successful potty time. Maybe 2 M+M's..something SMALL and ONLY given when there is success.)

Big girl/boy pants can fit in here somewhere and remember there needs to be alot of talking...

A little story: at a moms group I hear a friend complaining about the fact that her boy will not be able to go to kindergarten if he is still in diapers. She is beside herself because she has "tried everything" forever.
After a while she looks at me and says "ok, Marnie, so what would you do?" I asked if she really wanted to know I would tell her. I went on to ask pertinent questions etc and finally said "when you go home... take the diaper off ( the boy was 4 and weighed 50 lbs!) and tell him that this is the end of the diaper routein. Explain at GREAT lengths that he needs to go on the potty and if he doesn't he will be punished." This is obviously the tip of our conversation.
( Now I KNOW that this is where I will lose some of you) also add that you will not accept accidents either.

A couple of weeks went by and I didn't see her or her son. I began to get worried that I may have caused a problem with my counsel. The next week she was at the group, seemed fine, and at the end of the morning, not being able to contain my curiosity any longer, I said " So how's the training going?"
To which she said." Oh! That! After all this time and energy and frustration he was totally trained within the first 24 hours. He did have the beginning of one accident, which she dealt with as she promised, and that was the end of it!

Its when we make up our minds to stick with it and mean business that we can expect success! Hey I know I make it sound really easy.... but it;s just like anything else we do. You need to begin and follow it through and THEN you can decide whether he can get his drivers license or not :))

Blessings!
Marnie

#22 Many hands make light work

I am now giving you permission to ask your children to do chores and help you around the house.
This not only can ease your load but teaches your children valuable lessons and practices that they must know to be well adjusted and able to take care of themselves.

Chores never killed anyone. Now it may sound like it when you first suggest this cruelty...but I assure you, if you hold to your guns, things will calm down.

Your children should:

Clean up after themselves in the kitchen
Clear the table after dinner and help to clean up the kitchen.
Deep clean the bathroom
Pick up any given room
Know how to use the vacuum and dust
Pick up their rooms
Hang clothes up
Take the trash out
Feed the pets and take care of them
Read to younger children
Play with younger children
Clean out the car
Pick up the yard
Wash the woodwork
Clean the appliances

Bring wood in.... feel free to add to the list !!

Now granted these need to be given to children of appropriate ages. At 13 give your child his/her own laundry basket with a free lesson on using the washer/dryer.

Start teaching when your children are young. Children can pick up toys...Throw things away...pick up the clothes and put them in the laundry.

Begin by doing it with them..sing a song..make it fun. " ok lets pick up all the blue things...the red things..."

Next leave them to do a little job on their own.
In the end you should be able to ask your child to do just about anything and know that it will be right.

Remember these things need to be taught...some things are caught but not much and if you want it done stellar you must teach/show how you want it done. If its not done right call the child back and give more instruction. Dont take it personally when they don't do a good job. They'll get it with PRACTICE. Hopefully it will dawn on them sooner rather than later that it is better to do it right the first time.

I remember if the job continued to not be done correctly I would add another chore. They catch on. If the bedroom was an issue, when they wanted to go somewhere or do something I would say "just a minute let me check your room." That worked after a few times of missing out.

Just mean what you say...no yelling...no threats...just fact. The majority of people do not have maids etc. at their beckon call.. And even if they may in their future they should still know how to do it!

Well have fun! Hows it going anyway? Are these articles helpful at all? Let me know!
Blessings Marnie

Discontentment #21

Sitting in the cinema lobby the other day I watched as parents continued to dole out quarters for their kids to play the video games. What happened to just being happy with going to a movie and having a treat?? Why does there always have to be more and more? Why aren't our children able to sit for a moment content to "wait" with out needing to be entertained constantly. What have WE created?

Do you hear your kids ever say their "bored" ? How can that be in this day and age. We and they have more than ever and yet it just doen't seem to be enough.

How much do your children sit in front of the television? Do the hours while away without you even realizing it? The statistics say the kids today watch hours a day. Are we using the television as a babysitter? If you are I'm sure you are not going to enjoy reading this blog.

It may be convenient for the moment but I believe that it is going to come back and bite us in the end. Whatever happened to reading to our children? Children playing outside? Kids being able to entertain themselves with their toys for longer than 5 minutes at a time. Candy land, Fish, Old Maids

Part of the problem is that it all includes parent participation. It is so much easier to keep them quiet with quarters or television or all the other gadgets that hook to that box. I am not entirely against this stuff..but I do believe it should be a "treat" not the norm.

Are your children content? Happy? Calm? Stressed? Argumentative? Always getting in trouble? Hummmmm have you ever wondered why?

In this beginning of the new year why don't you take an assessment of the situation and see if there needs to be any territory taken back. Have you let your guard down? Well take your children back and help to write their future.

To pacify or not..that is the question

I, personally, have no gripe against pacifiers. The nursing mom will be busy day and nite if she plans to pacify the baby through nursing alone. Babies get the majority of their feeding done in the first 10 minutes per side. After that they are simply pacifying themselves. The wee babe can't find his thumb/fist for long before it flys back out of his/her mouth.

The problem I DO HAVE is: seeing 4+ year old Tommy with that paci hanging out of his mouth! One can barely understand his speech because there is always something in the way. The pacifier, after it has done its job for a new born, should be kept in the crib to have only at nap/bed time. I also think that 2 years old is a good cut off time to kiss the pacifier good by. The more that the child has it through the day the harder it will be to break the connection.

I have said in another piece that I think it is wise to give your child a bottle once a day (just in case) a bottle of water is good for the baby as well....BUT
Moms, please don't put your child to bed with a bottle. I have seen very small children with tooth rot because of it. Also be careful of juice. Children become very addicted to that sweetness and want it more and more. If you water that juice down from the beginning they will never know.!

Blessings!

Marnie

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Bribery and the Shopping Cart

Rushing down the cereal aisle Seth comes to the end of his patience....." Mooommmmm...I want some ..........!!!" Crying and squirming he begins to get louder and louder. He starts to crawl out of the cart. You begin to go faster and faster throwing things in as quick as you can. With one hand filling the cart and one trying to pin the boy down.. mom says in desperation, "Seth want some crackers? some candy? a drink?"
She tears open the chips and he is quiet until they are gone..It starts again...and on and on it goes.

You can see it right?

This IS A TRAP. Mom don't fall into it...you are training your child in behavior that should not be acceptable.

Remember #9 email Nip it in the bud.? Well read it again cause this is where you need to use it!

Communicate with Seth BEFORE you even get in the car. I found that it worked best if I talked about it a number of times before we went out.

"Sethy, this afternoon, after your nap, we are going to go shopping. I am going to buy you a treat FOR THE WAY HOME. If you are a good boy and don't ask for anything and behave yourself while we shop. If we have any problems you will not get a treat. " **

Now Mom you need to mean what you say....please dont say it and then give the treat. You want to affirm good behavior not bad. There is no such thing as a little bad... He either is or he isn't.

This format will work for just about any situation. Communication is key. Our children need to know what's going on and what's expected of them. Keep it simple and don't push them past their ability. If they are tired don't go..wait till your husband gets home or go after the nap.

Take control of the grocery shopping time...you will be glad that you did (and so will all the other shoppers as well)

Blessings
Marnie

** Give Seth a few things to pick from for a treat. A lollipop, gum, pack of M&Ms. Keep it simple and small. You can even talk about it while you are doing your shopping.

Whoopie!! Whoopie Pies

Whoopie!! Whoopie Pies

My favorite from a cousin in Maine. These are tried and true..There are none better!


CREAM 1/4 CUP SHORTENING AND 1 CP SUGAR
ADD 2 EGG YOLKS AND BEAT UNTIL LIGHT (SAVE WHITES)
SIFT 5 TBS COCOA
2 CPS FLOUR
1 TSP OF EACH BAKING SODA, BAKING POWDER AND SALT
AND ADD TO CREAMED MIXTURE
ALONG WITH 1 CUP MILK AND 1 TSP VANILLA

DROP BY TEASPOONFULS ONTO UNGREASED COOKIE SHEET
350 FOR 10 MINS

FILLING:
BEAT 2 EGG WHITES TILL STIFF AND ADD 1/4 CUP CONFECTIONERS SUGAR SET ASIDE
CREAM 1/2 CUP SHORTENING 1 AND 3/4 CUP CONF. SUGAR AND PINCH SALT PLUS 1 TSP VANILLA
MIX UNTIL SMOOTH STIR IN EGG WHITE MIXTURE
FILL THE COOKIES WRAP EACH IN A SANDWICH BAG AND FREEZE IF DESIRED. I TAKE THEM OUT RIGHT WHEN I WANT THEM. YUM

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

#17 Taking control!!!

Well today we are not going to talk about children. We are going to try to get to "the bottom" of some of the piles in your home. Let's try to tackle clutter.

I have to warn you..... to control clutter you CANNOT keep everything. And I might add ..you really don't want to. You only think you do. There is a really good feeling when you are in control of your stuff and it is not overwhelming you.

Recently a very neglected and overgrown property was bought on my street. I watched as the new owner began to tidy up. I thought of the hugh job that was ahead of him and wondered where he would start....pruning, weeding, organizing etc. Well he surprized me by WIPING OUT all of the landscaping, trees, shrubs etc. to start over. What a difference it made!

First you need to look with open eyes. When we have been surrounded by stuff for a long time we tend to not even see it anymore. It's only when we are going to have company that we begin to feel uncomfortable. right??

Second you need to pick a spot. Yes one spot. You need to begin and continue until it is finished. Determine not to become sidetracked.
One of the biggest downfalls of cleaning is we pick up something in the living room that belongs in the cellar...we take it..notice something in the cellar that really needs to be tended to..come upstairs to get the broom and notice that the trash is overflowing...take the trash out and remember that we should walk the dog...and on it goes. We exhaust ourselves by "working" all day and not accomplishing anything that can be noticed!

Third You've heard it said .."if you havent used it in a year get rid of it" well I do believe that is quite true. It is true for clothes and toys and lots of stuff. So get a couple of laundry baskets: 1 for Goodwill, 1 for stuff to put away and a LARGE trashbag for the stuff going CURBSIDE.

Start by doing things that are noticable. If you are working in the kitchen, clean out the sink and empty the dishwasher..put all that stuff away. Then start with the counter tops ..one section at a time...(remember do not get sidetracked) Don't begin on the drawers or the cupboards until the "outside" is looking picked up. Wipe things down as you go. THEN you will tackle a draw or closet one at a time.
Before you know it ...YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE!
Having had a large family I have gotten quite good at this so if you need more help or hints please send me an email and we'll chat further about the whole subject. The only stupid question is one not asked!

Blessings,
Marnie

Christmas at Gilead's Balm



Sunday, December 16, 2007

#16 The telephone tussell!!

Sometimes you just need to PUT THE PHONE DOWN.

We've all experienced it. We have taken a call and immediatly the whole atmosphere begins to break down.

The cat vomits on the rug, Johnny throws a toy in the toilet AND flushes, Sally hangs onto your leg for attention, the older ones choose to have a disagreement right in your face....and YOU continue to try to sound calm and together while acting like a contortionist towards the kids. You shake your finger, throw someone into the corner, mouth out instructions etc while your face just gets redder and redder and your blood pressure skyrockets.

Sweetheart....Put the phone down. Call the person back later. It's not worth it. Face it your "job" needs your full attention. If you choose to stay on the phone you will end up possibly making some bad decisions, and saying some things that you will later wish you hadn't.

There will come a day that you will have all the time you want for the phone...it's just not today. Don't let it get to you...To this we are called..make the best of it!

Have a wonderful Christmas and email me some questions!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

"you're a good man charlie brown"

I just feel to write a little tonite about DAD.

Let's face it sometimes he gets left kind of out in the cold.
"Precious" is expecting and everyone pats her stomach, coddles her, throws her gifts etc and what does dad do...watch and keep working.

Now before anyone throws something I am talking about the good guys in the world. The ones who are "there", those who help, who care, who take the father role seriously. So calm down.... I have met many of these guys personally. They DO exist.

These men typically work their hineys (sp) off to help keep it all afloat.

Anyway...what I'm trying to say is ....THROW DAD A PARTY!
No need to invite anyone .. the family is enough. Have one of the kids lay down on a big piece of paper and trace his body. Cut it out and write on the different parts of the body what you appreciate about Dad. On his hands you might write that you love it when he plays baseball with you... His feet that you love when he dances with you...etc you get the picture don't you?

Hang it from the doorway, make his favorite meal, have the kids put on a little show and let it be ALL ABOUT DAD.

Maybe you could present him with a homemade coupon book of things that the kids can do for him. You, mom, could add a few of your own:)

Bottom line...everyone needs to be appreciated. Let's let Dad have a time. Random I know but sometimes that makes it all the more fun and memorable!
Put your creative thinking caps on and get to work.

PS. I know that there are many other scenarios out there and that the "typical" family is not so typical anymore. If there are stepdads, foster dads, dads who see the kids only a weekend here or there...or even men in your lives that aren't really the dad but have helped fill the role..it is still important to speak into that place in a kids heart. Everyone needs a dad figure.

Determine, mom, to never speak badly about the childs father. If he's lacking he will prove that all on his own without you having to say anything. Teach your child what respect means and how to show it.

Get going now it will do everyone good

Blessings
Marnie

Monday, December 10, 2007

#15 Its ODD

Well I must say I heard something today that made me speechless!

Visiting with a teacher friend I heard of a "new" set of letters that are now being added to the ever growing list of labels that describe our kids.

It's "ODD" get this: OPPOSITIONAL DEFINANT DISORDER

If this doesn't scare you ..I don't know what will!!

This label is being given to children who just can't seem to behave, "toe the line", follow the rules etc. Its being written on school records and I believe that medication is being perscribed.

So, instead of taking our children's behavior and molding it into what it should look like, we take little Peg to the Psychiatrist to find out why she is acting as she does.
LORD HELP US!
I am positive that ALL my children have had this dysfunction at one time or another....but I can assure you the last thing I wanted was for them to be labeled and carry that definant attitude around all their lives!!!

Those poor parents...they have just signed away any peace, normalcy and future for their child! ( and for themselves as well for that matter!)

Come on now.... Parenting is not for cowards as one book title boasts. Please I BEG YOU don't do that to us! Little Peg is not only going to make her parents crazy but she will affect every place that she goes...because she "just can't help it" She is destined to be a miserable little girl, and an even more miserable adult. Good behavior should not be optional and 99% of the time pills are not needed (except possibly for the parent's headache)

Parents take your responsibilities back and do your job!! Don't wring your hands or cry yourselves to sleep!! If you don't know where to start 1. read a book on parenting (there are gazillions) 2. ask a friend (whose children are nice)for advise 3. Pray 4. Call me 5. DO SOMETHING!!! But please don't give it an excuse to become an indelible part of your child's makeup.

Blessings
Marnie

Sunday, December 9, 2007

#14 The Creeping Crud

There is a disease that is becoming rampant amoung people of all ages. It usually starts at a young age and if not tended to will continue on til death. Its called the Creeping Crud or in another word it might best be described as UNGRATEFULNESS.

It is our job as parents to detect and deal with ungratefulness. It rears its head on all different occasions...Birthdays, holidays, trips to the store, Grandmas house, really just about anywhere.

Please start looking in your home and at your family to see if the disease is present. It must be dealt with immediately or it will spread and only get worse. It must be dealt with forcefully and directly. It can be caught from parents or be present at birth.

Symptoms of the disease

Lack of enthusiasm over a gift, word of encouragement etc.

general disinterest

lack of thank yous

Tossing of gift aside to reach of the next one.

Not caring for toys, clothes, things in general

Letting it be made known that something else was expected and that hopes were not met.

Whining and crying pouting

When Judy gets a $5. bill in the mail from Aunt Lucy watch to see how she accepts it....is there any mention of " Is that all?...$5 doesnt buy anything" Does she immediately think to call her aunt to say thank you or drop a note?

At the bday party where there are lots of gifts... is it one after another ripping open and then on to the next with no care for what was just received....no thank you....etc?

Christmas afternoon is there a general disappointment that hangs in the air that it just wasnt enough?

I think you are getting the picture.

It is OUR job to teach our children at a VERY young age the art of being grateful. We must watch for every opportunity to teach this life skill. We need to look at ourselves first to see if the disease is present and if so we need to take steps to irradicate it. The disease will not go away if we are carriers.

Sometimes radical steps need to be taken but first why don't you just begin to talk with your children about this disease.
Point it out if you see it pop it's head up anywhere. I have been able to show my kids what it looks like on various occasions when it did not affect us but the symptons were present in our surroundings.

If your home has already been infected... Nip it in the bud!! If the bud is now a "branch" get the saw out! (read a previous blog) This problem will affect the whole life of the carrier.

Sometimes a gift might need to be taken back or a child taken out of the situation to be spoken/dealt with.
What ever the case I implore you again ...as a parent be aware and vaccinate your family against this bug!!!

Any questions ask
pass it on
past blogs www.comeinandrest.com

Blessings Marnie