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Sunday, November 30, 2008

Christmas so much hubbub!!

Christmas so much HUB BUB



Why??? What causes us to rush around spending money that we don't have.???...writing lists and Christmas cards into the wee hours of the morning.???...cooking foods that we shouldn't eat? Spending hours decorating our homes???



Why it's Christmas of course!!!



The Savior's Big Birthday Party!



I'm sure that the Lord does not expect all this fanfare that we put into this holiday that had such humble beginnings. But all the same be sure to take some moments to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas; when God saw that we needed help and sent His Son to become like us. To ultimately be lead to the cross, so that we can walk in the freedom won for us all that day that we now call Easter.



Save a few dollars and jot some notes this Christmas. Tell your husband what he really means to you, how you appreciate his support and allegiance to the family. Take time to appreciate each of your children with a note and remember your relatives as well.



These notes are priceless! They far outlast the Twister game and the ipod. Yellowed and permanently creased, we will read and reread anything that was and is written out of love for us. It does not have to be long just heartfelt.



So this mad, crazy, hubbub time of year....carve out some REAL time and do what will mean the most Tell someone that you love them!!!



Blessings to you all.

Thanks for having me visit and speak,

And be sure to drop me a note after all has died down...



Lovingly

Marnie

www.comeinandrest.com

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

BEEN THINKING

Well, it's been a while since you have heard from me.... sorry! LIFE has been happening!

I was having a chat with my daughter the other day about movies. Don't you just LOVE those chick flicks?? They can be addicting. Women, ladies and girls love all the romance, kissing, sweet bantering and honey! It seems we can't get enough!

I was suggesting to my daughter that as much as we love these "feel good" movies we need to be very wise and careful that we do not become desensitized to the lack of morality that many of them pose. You must admit that the hugh percentage of this type of movie portray the couple having sex almost immediately in the relationship. It would seem that the "old" rule of waiting till marriage just does not apply anymore or at the very least is out dated!

Thus the conversation continued something like this:

"It's kind of like frosting. We love the looks, the decoration, and the sweetness. It satisfies our senses. It is gooey and sugary. It is down right Yummy! But unfortunately, all too soon, the frosting comes to an end and all we are left with is cake. Ugh! But I don't like carrot cake!!
We are now dissatisfied. We are thinking constantly about the "cake" that is at home and how it just does not satisfy..it is not yummy and sweet anymore. It is only a matter of time before, during our normal routein, we notice some nice looking frosting; might be at the grocery store, Home Depot, work or the coffee shoppe. Looks good, we knows it tastes good (we've had it before) and we need to be fulfilled....so we dive in ... ahh the memories...the same tingles, phone calls, texts, notes, flowers etc etc etc loving it all and denying ourselves nothing until we again reache the CAKE...oh no it's spice cake....we don't care for spice cake!!

Am I making any sense ladies? Are you following me? We must decide FIRST what kind of cake we like!! That is what we will have to live with!

My daughter at once realized that this picture story was about the majority of girls at her school. Jumping from guy to guy, one after another, always looking for the sugar high of frosting. Reaching cake...they start all over again on and on never to be truly satisfied.

Ladies, what are we looking for? Talk to your daughters or better yet talk to yourselves! Let's become and raise women of substance who choose to go the distance and not be satisfied with a sprint in a relationship.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Taking the Time

I had a short conversation today with a friend about a talk that she had with her son last nite....It got me thinking.

We are living in such a busy society. There is never any time.... Well let's put it another way...There is No time to do anything... else..out of the ordinary.. intentional.

OK Marnie what are you getting at?

I'm talking about taking time to talk to your children/child.

Have you ever noticed that many times days go by without any REAL TALK taking place in the family? The kind of talk that is stimulating...back and forth...two people sharing thoughts and questions? This is where learning takes place, where relationships grow, where memories are made.

This mom shared that a conversation had started in the car and later she invited her son into the hottub (which he first said no to and then showed up with his bathing suit on!) and how the conversation went into a long discussion about sex. This guy was almost 12 and had a TON of wrong facts. She was able to answer his questions, ask questions and listen in a very non threatening and easy atmosphere.

Rarely do these moments appear by themselves. We need to create an atmosphere for talking and sharing. Children, and adults for that matter, many times need to warm up to the idea.

Offering a cup of tea or hot chocolate at the table can be an opening. Playing a board game or taking a walk work well also. Inviting your child to take a drive with you...etc You get the idea. Get creative. Take the time. In years to come you will wish that you had.

Give it a try you may find some interesting things out about your child.

Blessings
Marnie

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Just LOVE them!

Just finished cleaing up after serving a big spagetti dinner to my family. My son is visiting from out of town and I decided to invite a few of the kids over that hadnt seen him yet. There were actually only 8 of us...but delightful all the same.

It does not matter how old or young a person is....they just need lovin'

A touch of the hand, a hug and kiss, an encouraging word...personal stuff All things that are so often overlooked in this busy life of ours.

Moms Lets be intentional today! Hug all the kids....Sit down with them and chat. Play a game together. Go out for icecream or better yet pick apples. Cuddle chase and tickle. Life is all to serious and sometimes it just sucks up all the joy and pleasure.

No one is more fortunate than you. You live in America, you have a roof over your head and some food in the fridge. Lets look at the blessings and just be thankful.

You are all blessings to me
See the back log of blogs at www.comeinandrest.blogspot.com
Blessings
Marnie
www.comeinandrest.com

Monday, September 29, 2008

Just get them through it...

I had the opportunity of meeting a new friend this weekend. She was telling me of the advise she has been given on getting her child through the teenage years.

These well meaning ladies have said:

Let them drink as long as they don't drive.

They can sleep around as long as there is no pregnancy.

Cheating is not so bad if they dont get caught.

If they're disrespectful they are learning to use their voice
and on and on...

THIS IS NOT CORRECT THINKING!
Moms you have a very important and serious job and it is WAY MORE THAN JUST GETTING THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS

We are training future adults, citizens, parents, and leaders. Discipline is key to training your children to be a vital part of society.
In past blogs I have talked about when there is an absense of parental involvment someone or something IS parenting your child. The television, music, peers, computer, games etc all have vital roles in your child's life....

Are you keeping track of what your kids are being taught ?

Are these true statements?
Its ok to drink
Its ok to spend all your money
Its ok to be disrespectful
Its ok to ignor authority
Its ok to be sexually active
etc

Are we just biding time.... waiting to pawn them off on someone or something else?

Take the reigns back...Read some good books and begin to train your child. It will be worth it and the world will say thank you.

Blessings
Marnie
www.comeinandrest.com

Friday, September 26, 2008

The OnLookers

What will they think???

Have you ever noticed how often we have a "crowd of witnesses" when we are diciplining our children!
It has been something that has been standing out to me lately.

The parent needs to discipline for something and when there are people around the scene. Often the situation becomes a comedy routein for the onlookers. The parent roll their eyes, say sarcastic things,(directed to the audience in ear shot) while always looking to see how they are being perceived.
The child feels like he/she is on center stage and many times can feel embarrassed, belittled and confused about what is happening.

THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT.

It is not difficult to remove the child from the onlookers, to step away into a more private setting where the child can have your undivided attention and you can have theirs.

"Johnny, Stop bugging that dog!" (parent looks around) smirks, makes a wise comment
"that dog is just going to chew your hand off if you don't stop...Youre going to be dogfood boy" heyhey
Johnny either watches the "show" that you are putting on for the crowd... OR he ignors you because he does not feel you are talking directly to him.

SIMPLY take Johnnie by the hand and walk away, behind a car, tree or go to another room. There take a few minutes to tell your son of your concern and that you are asking him to stop. You may need to tell the consequences of not stopping depending on your child. This needs to be eye to eye with a "Do you understand?" at the end.
Ask him to repeat what you have said and go back to what you were doing.

I want to let you know it does not look funny (although you may get some of the crowd to laugh) or mature when you put an act on for others. Most can see through what's going on: that you don't have a real grip on discipling your child.

Discipline your child in the most private setting that you can find at the moment. I have taken children to the car and even into a corner of the room. Make sure that you get on their level and that they fully understand what you are asking. Get up close and personal and stay private! Keep you voice low.

This will tweak the whole process and you will see your child take you more seriously when the time comes.

It's all part of the job!!
Blessings
Marnie

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

To simplify or not to simplify that is the question

Simplify WHAT???

I know for a fact that we still have 7 days in a week that STILL consist of 24 hours each with 60 minutes in each hour etc... Can anyone confirm this for me?

My dear friend Jan gave me a sign that says "Once upon a time there was time..."\

OK so where does time go?? Where does time hide?? How come it seems different now than years ago?
I refuse to believe that it is because I am old that time seems to pass so fast..even my children feel it buzzing by in fact they started school just yesterday and progress reports are due to come out tomorrow!!!

Is there a time thief??
What does he look like? Where does he hide? How does he operate?

What do terms like "sieze the day", redeem the hour make the day count...really mean? How do we pull this off?

Who is going to capture our time and bring it back to us?

Well, I feel confident to say that we are the only ones who can and are responsible for getting a hold of time.

I think that it has to do with being intentional. Thinking it through.... making a plan.
What are the "have tos" that will need to be done tomorrow. Write them down...Then how about listing the "would be wonderful ifs" down and then write a few whimsical "it would be a miracle if" at the end of the list.

Determine not to be side tracked. Tell yourself that you are not going to have lunch until a certain thing is accomplished. Have that second cup of coffee when the last of the laundry in put away. Determine to have the kitchen sink empty before dinner and then after as well.

You will be so proud of yourself! I will be proud of you!
Great job....When the day is done congratulate yourself and start the list for tomorrow. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish!
Remember,as well, that it is not ALL about "Doing" Call a faraway friend. Send out a card to someone. Leave a note on your husband's pillow and/or put a note in your children's lunch boxes.

Sit down to dinner as a family with the table set. It will make everyone feel special!!

Come on now ....send me some success stories!
Blessings
Marnie
ps How about a good meatloaf tonite? Put a few baking potatoes in the oven with it and add a veg and you will be good to go!....You might even add some of that homemade applesauce on the side!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Can anyone relate???

"she opens her eyes and off we go.... it's like when you're on a roller coaster and you're at the top waiting for the release (that is me alseep in my bed) then whoooah her eyes open and here we go loop after nauseing, head jerking, migrane making, loop until slam the ride stops and she is asleep again (16 hours later). I need help...."

Wow can you feel it parents? Can you relate?
Well, its time to "get off the merry-go-round" or in this case the rollercoaster!

The little one described in the above Help letter is around 3 yrs old. She is unleashed energy. Non stop...

So where do we begin?
Put on the breaks!
Start once again to build the walls of discipline and consistency.

First of all You MUST BE RESTED to take on this whirlwind....
You will lose it otherwise and be "under" before you know it!

Second think about and lay the "rules"

1. When do they get up? and how? and what do they do when they do wake up?
2. Whats next on the list breakfast? get them ready for the day? Now don't give up yet....its only 8:30 am!

3 Wear them out! let them play outside...is there a McDonalds play yard near by? Are there other children that they can play with? YOU structure the day NOT the other way around

4. Lunch make them sit down and eat... wash them up....read them a book and tuck them in for a nap!

Yah you say You have no idea!!! Well believe it or not I DO

But You need to be the boss.... " Honey you are going to lay down for at least an hour"....darken the room shut the door....
Now do I expect this to happen easily? The first time? Unlikely... But stick to your plan! The first few days will be hardest. But you must win whatever way that you can! ( you may have to rearrange your schedule to make this happen .... naps need to be a priority and a habit.)
Dont give up! You are laying the foundation! Does the builder just ignor the bricks that are crumbling from the wall because he is tired or just does not want to do the job over again?
Remember the childs WHOLE LIFE is being built on these foundational principles!
Win....This WILL NOT last forever Unless, infact, you ignor the issue and hope that it goes away....it won't
small problems will become big problems ! Do your self a favor and tend to business Deep breath now parents!

I had a week of cousin camp this summer 5 of the grandchildren came for 7 days of fun! The ages were 3,4,6,8,8 IT went soooo smoothly no major incidents they ate, they slept, they played. They did not fight . They did not have to be punished. I did not have to call any parents.....WHY? Well, first of all, I had a schedule planned from first thing to last thing...meals were planned, outings were planned, crafts were planned....I had thought it through and all I had to do then was execute the plan!

Well there are some hints in that paragraph! Plan Plan Plan She who flies from the seat of her pants usually wears out before she finishes!

Keep looking up The Bible says: I look to the hills from which my help comes.... Kind of looking out the window in the morning for the yellow school bus!

Blessings
Marnie

THE FROST IS ON THE PUMPKIN

I have a disease!

It tends to follow me wherever I go. I don't think that it is contagious though.

I LOVE TO decorate. I decorate inside. I decorate outside. My mind just starts to race...there is no rhyme nor reason....if there is an empty space...a blank wall I just have to "go there"

It's fall
One of my favorite times to exercise my sickness.
I find that children and adults alike will enjoy your efforts.
Now certainly you do not need to go to the lengths and breaths that I go to BUT how about making your entrance way welcoming with some fallish items.

A Simple weath of colored leaves on the door...a potted mum
a stack of cornstalks with a pumpkin or two perhaps even a haybale
Buy a scented candle and light it before everyone comes home at nite.
Collect some colored leaves and strew them on the table or put them in a bowl (you can have the kids replentish these as they dry)

My little ones loved the peel and stick decorations found at the grocery or department store. Or use the fall poster pictures that can be hung on the windows or walls.


By the way....have you ever made homemade applesauce??

If you have a food mill...wash apples (cortland or macs are the best)
cut in quarters, seeds and all, and put in a covered pot with just a skim of water in the bottom. Start on high until boiling and then turn it down and let it simmer until apples are mush and ready to put through the mill. I use a Foley Food Mill

If you do not have a mill peel and core apples, cut in quarters and follow the above directions This will be a lighter sauce but still will taste yummy.

Sweeten the cooked sauce with a little sugar and perhaps a sprinkle of cinnamon.
The family will love it cold or hot and its also great over icecream! I personally love it with graham crackers for a snack. Yum
Enjoy
Blessings
Marnie

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Its sniffle time again!

What is a parent to do?

All the over the counter medicines have been said to be of no help and we have been advised to not bother to buy them.

Yah easy for those guys to say as the little on sniffles and coughs and is down right miserable!

Things to do and to have on hand....

1. Give everyone in the family vitamine C throughout the year either chewable or non does not matter 1000 miligrams for older kids. You cannot overdose on this as it will wash through your body. A tablet in the morning and one at nite is a good routein. THIS HAS BEEN TRIED AND TRUE IT DOES WORK

2. Vicks vaporub. I love this and always have it on hand. One of my daughters swears that the advise in the circulated email about putting it on the soles of the feet under socks works to eradicate nighttime coughing.

3. Force (be intentional about) liquids. At the first sign of illness keep the water/juice/popsicles coming. They really do help to drown out that cold.

4. Baby aspirin to keep down a fever or Tylenol check with your Dr as to what he/she recommneds

5. A humidifier helps in the childs room cool air versus steam

6. Dress the child for the weather....Here in New England we often miss the obvious change of seasons and children are still wearing summer clothes as the fall comes rushing in with much cooler temperatures.

7. Plenty of rest/sleep. Illness is magnified with the lack of sound sleep that many times accompanies a cold/sickness.

Time with Mom and/or Dad adds that extra comfort that the child needs during this down time of not being up to par.

Its September and sniffles are coming...some is allergy related but I believe can be treated the same way.

Keep healthy and wash your hands often!
Blessings
Marnie

It might be time to get those cornbags out! and put another blanket on the beds!

Monday, June 2, 2008

A death in the family

Have you ever experienced death in the immediate family? It seems like a whilwind sets down over your house and the norm is set aside for a period of time.

It is what it is....all consuming.

Have you included the children? Is there understanding there? Are they being lost in the shuffle? Do they know what is happening?

In years gone by death was, in many cases, just not talked about...the adults handled it and life just began again without any counsel, talking it out etc.

My advice to you is.... talk about it. You may not have all the answers but it is good to be able to share feelings. There are some good books available on the subject for children. This is just a continuing course in their preparation for life. Take the time that is needed.

Your children may respond to death in many different ways. You may not notice anything different or the child may become withdrawn, fearful, anxious or feeling ill. Don't overlook any of these symptons and pretend that it is not happening.
Something is going on and it is better to deal with it sooner rather than later. Its a critical time and feels off limits to some of us but we all know that it is a real part of life. It is part of the dance. Just be sensitive to each other and get help from someone if you need to.

Blessings,
Marnie

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Yield/right of way

Been thinking....Is there ever a time when you should yield to your child?

Give in?? Back off?? Overlook??

Hummmmm

It certainly should not be anyway near the norm but sometime..somewhere...somehow...maybe.

Jimmy has a 7:30 bedtime. His favorite movie came on..it's a school nite and the movie won't be over for another hour..He begs.... How about it....one time with a warning about getting up and ready in the morning with no problem?

Kelly wants 2 friends for overnite. You have experienced the 3rd wheel thing and it has not been pretty or pleasant in the past...BUT this time it will be different...she tell you how and why she is feeling the way she is and again with "warning" you allow one more sleepover.

Fred only rides his bike in the yard. He wants to go to his friends around the corner. No no no you have said it repeatedly...but now how about it...call the other mom and tell her to call you as soon as he pulls into her drive.

I could list scenarios forever. Ones that take in every age level. Sometimes we yield....it is better that the boundary be tested with your permission and watchfulness.If the plan fails you can always return to square one.

I remember coming to the conclusion that my daughter could NOT spend 2 nites away from home consecutively. Too Much Too tired tears would ALWAYS follow . But after a number of months we tried it again. It worked. It did not become the norm, but was doable.

Live and learn I guess that's what it's called. You will know. Check yourself that you are not turning into a control freak, too ridgid and needing to be always right. It will not go good with you as the years pass. Loosen up, compare notes with a friend, get counsel, whatever it takes sometimes it's wise to yeild.

Blessings
Marnie

Back log of articles can be seen on the blog page of www.comeinandrest.com. If for any reason you would like to be taken off this mailer, let me know and I will tend to it asap.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

When Daddys little helper becomes Mom's extra hands

I saw the wee babe today with the bib that says Daddys Little Helper. How cute and hopeful for the days ahead.

But as we all know life does not always turn out as planned.

Sometimes Daddy's Little Helper is left behind with mom.

I was chatting with a woman the other day who was talking about just this situation.

Her husband had left and she remained at home caring for their three sons. She was telling about how overwhelmed she was with the whole "spring" thing. How the yard, the gardens, the repairs etc. had put her under a cloud of discouragement.

I asked her about the boys and if she had them help and she told me how they too would just get discouraged and run the other way. "That was Dad's job", "We don't know how to do that" "It's unfair that we should have to do adult work" etc etc etc

Well, you know what "that WAS Dad's job" but "Oh Well" it still needs to be done. Mom as well probably has never done some of this stuff before. She very well may not know where or how to begin. But again too bad someone has got to do it.

So lay your guilt aside...Take a deep breath, and round up the troops. "Jim get the rake, John you will load the leaves on the tarp and Jared you haul it all to the woods. We are going to tackle this portion together and get it done. Period. Put down the joysticks and clicker. It's time to go to work, pull together, make a dent,accomplish something.

This is training ground. It is a good thing. Many hands really do make light work.! No one has died from getting their hands dirty or trying something new! Happy Trails!

Blessings,
Marnie

Sunday, May 4, 2008

the cat and the bed....(don't play games)

I recently returned home from a trip south to see three of my children. As I was "taking back the territory" cleaning, vacuuming and dusting, I came across our cat, Perez, dozing in the papasan chair in the family room.
NOW..this is a NO-no and he KNOWS it!
As I entered the room I did not even have to open my mouth when I could see his body stiffen, his ears go flat and he went into flight mode. WHY because he KNEW that he was doing something that he was not supppose to!

A little while later, on a different floor of the house, I came upon him again. This time he was sleeping peacefully on Kendall's bed. Now he has slept with Kendall for years. I thought for a moment as I went in and out of the room "wow I could really get to him if I scolded him right now" sick thought I know but it got me to thinking.....

We do this sometimes, perhaps not so intentionally, with our children. Now I know I could list our YahButs...but in the long run it is still not right. Mean and cruel may be a little harsh but maybe not. Our kids are allowed to do something one time and then we totally flip out when it happens in another scenerio.

Go back to the kitty and think about the animals pysical reactions if I went in there ranting and raving holding a broom over my head. I know it would take a few years off his life! How about you, put yourself in that position, you are minding your own business when WHAM someone crawls all over you for something you have been doing forever that has never been mentioned!!

Back to the kids. AGAIN I repeat and repeat.

Pick your battles.
Mean what you say.
Be consistent.
Don't go back and forth....yes one minute, no the next.

When your children look at you they should be assured of the boundaries that you have set for them...they should not be walking on egg shells and, by the way, neither should you be(but that is a different blog!). They need a clear line on what is OK and what is not. It needs to start young and follow them out the door.

Happy trails to you!
Blessings,
Marnie

Sunday, April 27, 2008

It's too BIG I just can't tackle it!!

Mom's I want you to hear this. When you are facing a HUGH training time with your child..ie: getting them to stay in bed, potty training, getting rid of the pacifier etc.. the tendency is to believe that you are now going to embark on the

Never Ending Journey.

THIS IS NOT TRUE.

Once you make up YOUR mind to begin and follow through...there WILL be an end and it will be MUCH sooner than you think.

I've seen too many of you deflate during the counsel of discipline. "I just don't have the energy", " I just can't take that kind of time", "You don't know my child" "You make it sound much easier than I know that it is going to be"!!

My word to you: get rested,...think it through, get all involved on the same page, set a time and BEGIN

Don't let the task scare you....You CAN do it! These principles DO work. You CAN WIN!

I remember a friend sitting in my living room and saying to me (as she watched me with all my little ones) "I just don't know how you do it...I don't think I could ever handle it etc etc etc"

It was funny to me as she had just finished telling me how she had gone shopping with her two young sons and how they had run all over the store, in and out or racks, up and down and in and out. I must admit I was exhausted just hearing the story!!

I remember thinking #1 how I would never let that happen...and if it ever BEGAN to happen it would STOP right about the time that it started!!! #2 I would much rather take the time to teach and train a child in a lasting principle rather than try to "catch a runaway train!!!! and #3 how I then and there appreciated my children's behavior and how far we had come in the trainingl of obedience!

So all of that to say this. NO MORE EXCUSES MOM Do yourself a favor and dive in and iron out the wrinkles in your parenting skills and behaviors (or lack there of) of your children).

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Drop me a note and tell me how its working!

Blessings
Marnie

Thursday, April 24, 2008

shhhhhhhhh

Quiet.....

I wonder when you read that word what comes to your mind,

Are we allowed to have it anymore? Are we allowed to sit down without the outside noise of children, television, phone, radio, computer screen?
Is there any such thing as a "simple, quiet life"?

Is it mandatory to belong to the gym, women's group, PTA, church committee or nite class? Will it make us any less of a person....or for that matter any more of a person?

Can we be allowed to take care of our family without all the outside stresses and cares of the world?

I am not saying that we HAVE to but I AM SAYING that we don't need to feel inadequate or subhuman to simply "take care of our families."

There is a verse in the scripture that says that we should live a simple quite life ...taking care of our husband and children.

Aspire to live quietly, to mind your own affairs, and to work with your own hands” (I Thessalonians 4:11).

Maybe this is a good time to reevaluate your life....your days and see what is filling them up. Is there any "quiet" built in there? Is there time...is there peace and satisfaction? Or are the days melding into one another as you scurry from one appointment,obligation,meeting,class etc to another trying to fit it all in and STILL feel like you have been a good wife and mother.

There used to be a saying "the lazy days of summer...."
HA you say that was not meant for mothers!....Maybe not BUT I encourage you to intentionally take some quite times...just sit and be still shhhhhhh it will be good for you AND everyone else!

Blessings
Marnie

Monday, April 21, 2008

The dance continues

Beware....sometimes when we see this dance we tend to believe that the child/young adult is ready to move outside the boundaries. I believe it is more likely that they are testing to make sure the boundaries stay in tact.

Boundaries that move can be scary...it can cause stress and then lack of judgement. Ex. You have said repeatedly that the curfew is 11pm on the weekend. Jane wants to stay out till 12:30 with her friends. She has been asking for weeks and you have held your ground. You begin to think maybe its alright and besides you are sick of the conflict and argument every weekend. You finally say "OK just go, but don't complain that you are exhausted at work tomorrow."
I hope that I can convey what sometimes happens here: Jane is surprized....1. she sees that whining and asking repeatedly works. 2. she got her way. 3. it must be alright or you would not have let her go. 4. thus all that goes with the change may be alright also.

Granted we need to keep this within context.

If you indeed feel that Jane can begin to stay out till midnite, you need to sit her down and have a discussion. Don't let it come about with an argument. I hope that you are understanding my sentiment. There are boundaries that get pushed out naturally with age and trust and then there are those that should not move. Ex:
You can not go to his house when his parents are not home.
You cannot make a last minute request and expect to have it happen.
You cannot go to the parties at the college.
You cannot drive the new car after dark.

I trust that you have gotten my message. Boundaries are special markers. They are there for a reason. They make a child feel secure and taken care of. They will be tested but remember many times it is to see that they remain in tact rather than crumble.

Stay strong parents You are building an adult.

Blessings
Marnie

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Boundary Boogie

There are various times during our childrens growing years where they press the boundaries...but never more than in the teenage years. I call this the boundary dance. Picture that mime in the box as he tries to find his way out. Every square inch...bottom and ceiling, walls.. they search. Loop holes, windows, unexpressed rules...anything for a way out!

What usually happens is we just get worn down. We get to the place where we say "JUST GO" "I DONT CARE" "DONT BLAME ME" "ASK YOUR FATHER" "______________________"!!!

Parents...be ready when you see your child preparing for this dance. IT is usually accompanied by whining,dissatisfaction, irritability, or perhaps, anger.
Sometimes it presents itself as panic, or they will push at the most inopportune times. There is really no good time but again be ready. Be rested...watch for the signs. Explain AHEAD OF TIME THE RULES AND BOUNDARIES. Stay calm and dont let them wear you down!! Stand your ground.
A friend was over watching a movie...at 10pm she received a call from her teen.."mom, can we go over to _____ for a sleep over?" The mom had not met the parents. Again it was 10 at nite. (their lack of planning is not your problem) and no NOT EVERYONE is going!!!
Refuse guilt say no to giving in an keep your ground! Its mandatory!
So while your kids dance you remain still and constant.

Blessings
Marnie

You can see a back log of parenting skills on the blog page at www.comeinandrest.com. If you are no longer wanting to recieve these tips please feel free to tell me. Also pass these tips along freely.
Nite

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Positive Praise

It takes no energy.
Costs no money.
Takes little time.
Requires no special tools.

It can cause increase in stature.
It can bring renewal and a lighter step.
It can ease stress.
It can lift a heavy load.
It affects every life at every age.

PRAISE

P power packed words of encouragement
r right at any time of day or nite
a always works
i intuitively welcome
s saying something that is positive and personal
e Everybody deserves some

Do you want to change things in your marriage, your work, your children, your school, committee meetings, church, relationships??? Try praise. "You will win more bees with honey"
Now I am not suggesting that you make things up. That you slather compliments...brown nose....etc...

I AM SUGGESTING that you begin to practice praise. Start by making a decision to give 1 genuine praise per day per individual. This does not come natural in most cases. So you will need to be intentional to pull it off. You may meet some skepticism in the beginning but don't let it hinder you. Make it a practice.

Children will thrive with praise. You do not need to worry that they will become proud or spoiled...if the praise is genuine it will do it's job.

It can be delivered privately or in a group setting, in a note, letter, with a gift or alone.

Don't let anything stop you. Praise. Praise PRAISE!!

Blessings
Marnie




PRAISE

just A mom

JUST A MOM?


A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 'S office,
Was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder,
'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.

'I'm a Mom.'

'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation,
'housewife' covers it,'
Said the recorder emphatically.


I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself
In the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
Efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,
'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'

'What is your occupation?' she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
Looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words..
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
In bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest,
'just what you do in your field?'

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
And already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
And I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers
And the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
Completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
Testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more
Distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'
Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.


Does this make grandmothers
'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations'
And great grandmothers
Executive Senior Research Associates?'
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts
Associate Research Assistants.



Please send this to another Mom

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

"Look me in the eye!"

I wish I had a dime for each time I have done this with my children...or other little people for that matter.

It is important.

With the little ones you should either set them up on the counter or get down on your knees...either way when you want to communicate something...Look them in the eye.

Can you imagine how awful it must be to look at knees and hips all day long. Hearing a voice that is coming from so far away. Wondering if it is you they are talking too?

We tend to get upset when we are ignored by our children but I'm not sure that they are always catching our "call". They just may not be on your "wave" length.

Get on your children's level and make eye contact....from the youngest to the oldest..it will make a difference.

and while I'm "here" you should stop what you are doing and listen when your child (or anyone else for that matter) talks to you. I have too often continued on with my busyness... even walking away, while saying "keep talking, I'm listening I just need to get another gallon of milk" Ouch that one stung me!
It is called respect and we all like it.

(This works great for husbands too!:))

Blessings!
Marnie

Monday, April 7, 2008

RSVP *no children please

Let me ask you....does this irritate you?

Do you tend to think "Surely they don't mean my kids .. they are such good friends of the family." "My children are like their god-children" "I'm sure they will not mind."

From me to you...

1. Please do not put your friend in an awkward place by asking them if they mind, this once, if your child can come.

2. Please get a sitter or decide not to go...BUT don't wait till the last minute to RSVP. Really you can or you can't. Be responsible and make the decision and let them know with plenty of time to spare.

3. Please do not take it personally. Im sure the event has been thought through and planned out in accordance with what the couple/person wants.

4. Please do NOT just SHOW UP with you children in tow.

5. Please don't think that it only applies to any infant over 1 (fill in the blank) month of age..."he's just a baby and I'm sure he won't bother anyone. Anyway I'll be able to show him off to all the people that I don't usually see." Have an open house yourself and celebrate your own family.

6. People should be able to have the type of event they want without us trying to push the boundaries.
If your friend were thinking that this invite stipulation did not apply to you they would call you or add a personal note.
ie: Jim and Sara please feel free to bring little Leslie..our son Evan said that he would play with him down stairs and then we can tuck him in bed if it gets late.

7. Please take this personally. I have seen people show up to weddings uninvited, because "obviously it was an oversite"
Heard babies cry all the way through weddings and seen children climbing over guests at funerals etc.... Your children your responsiblity.

Blessings
Marnie

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Mother Rage

I had the priviledge of speaking at a MOPS group this past week. One of the moms came to me after and confirmed a few things that I spoke on and said that she had a name for the situation: the Angry Mother Syndrom.

I would dare say that we all have experienced it at one time or another. It has not been until these later years that I have actually looked clearly and rationally at this issue and been able to disect it.

Mother Rage: What results when a very short person pushes the right buttons and continues to ask for attention from a mom who still believes that she should have the perks of her former life (before children)

How is it that our children can absolutely send us over the edge?
It is because we resent giving our time...again again and again.
It might start with...
"Can't you see I'm on the phone?"
"I'm trying to nap...leave me alone!"
"Is it possible for me to go to the bathroom even once without being disrupted ???"
" Why is it that the minute I sit down you kids need something..." "or start to act up?"
" I'm watching my show!!"
"Is there no other adult in the house?"
" Can't I have a moment of peace???"
"Don't touch anything"
or the one I heard at Walmart the other day "JOHNNY,
get over here!!!You never once want to look at our fish when you are home!!!"

I think you know what I mean and how it sounds. We totally lose it. We are frustrated. Irritated. Angry. Tired. Why???

Ok lets face the music.... We are moms...it is the territory. Children start out helpless and then grow and continue to need us ALOT. They are inquisitive, antsy, full of energy and questions, dirty, needy, whiny, and need our every waking moment. It's just the truth. We are not playing house or dolls any longer. It's the real thing!

So what do we do about it?
Get enough rest.
Eat right.
Take a break whenever it is available to you.
Share time with your husband or even your friend "I will watch your kids for 3 hours today if you will watch mine tomorrow"
Take a deep breath and repeat after me I'm the mom I'm the mom I'm the mom.
You have approximately 18 years ahead of you... it may get easier or harder...it all depends. This seemed like a life time to me and lasted alot longer than most for that matter but hind site really does say it was just a "time" and did not last forever.

Determine that you are going to do the job well. I am convinced once you have committed yourself to the raising of your children, looked at all the possible pitfalls and prepared yourself that you will be able to do a great job. You will stay intact, focused, and able to stay on top of the job. Do it well mom .. Society needs you sane and your children well adjusted.
Blessings M

Monday, March 31, 2008

April fools day

April Fool's Day
(April 1)
In sixteenth-century France, the start of the new year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the new year fell on January first. There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true. In France today, April first is called "Poisson d'Avril." French children fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their friends' backs. When the "young fool" discovers this trick, the prankster yells "Poisson d’Avril!" (April Fish!)

Today Americans play small tricks on friends and strangers alike on the first of April. One common trick on April Fool's Day, or All Fool's Day, is pointing down to a friend's shoe and saying, "Your shoelace is untied." Teachers in the nineteenth century used to say to pupils, "Look! A flock of geese!" and point up. School children might tell a classmate that school has been canceled. Whatever the trick, if the innocent victim falls for the joke the prankster yells, "April Fool! "

The "fools' errands" we play on people are practical jokes. Putting salt in the sugar bowl for the next person is not a nice trick to play on a stranger. College students set their clocks an hour behind, so their roommates show up to the wrong class - or not at all. Some practical jokes are kept up the whole day before the victim realizes what day it is. Most April Fool jokes are in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The most clever April Fool joke is the one where everyone laughs, especially the person upon whom the joke is played.

"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "
- American humorist Mark Twain

Ok Parents Lets have a little fun...put on your thinking caps and do something different...surprize or trick the kids. Make sure they will think it is funny and not be scared by your prank.

One year when the children were all home. I called everyone to dinner. The table was set as usual except there were 4 boxes of ice cream on the table. Every place setting was a bowl and spoon. The kids got a big boot out of that and as we were finishing a "smart guy" asked if he could have seconds....."Why certainly"' was the reply ...because there are always seconds allowed at meal time. After they had had their fill,one little one said, smile on his face..."what's for dessert?"
I cleared the table and out came the boxes of pizza that we had being kept warm in the oven....fun, and a day and dinner that will not be fast forgotten!

Have fun and be creative!
Blessings
Marnie
PS have them leave for school in the morning knowing that they would be going to the dentist mid afternoon then call the school and have them dismissed for the DRs appointment and go to Friendlies in stead.... you get the idea!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

here kitty kitty kitty

Pets. Our furry friends.

Now we all know that there are people who LOVE animals. They are happy with a dog licking their face, sleeping in their beds and laying on all the furniture.

Then there are people like me.
Now with 12 kids we have had our share of bunnies, cats, fish, lizards, squirrels, baby birds etc. We have a cat now that is totally part of the family. But, to tell you the truth, I see pets as a hugh job, expense and responsibility.

So saying that, having pets, I believe, needs to be a family decision. The care and welfare of the animal is a family responsibility. How many parents have I talked to in the past who "gave in" to having a puppy only to be owning the FULL RESPONSIBILITY themselves. The walking, grooming, feeding and cleaning up after fell completely on them. Not to mention the cost.

I believe that children can learn a great deal from having a pet. We all know that the cuteness of the puppy and the newness of the iguana wears off in a short time. But yet the animal still has the same needs. I grew up on a farm where I watched my dad milk cows and care for other barnyard animals, day in and day out. The work did not stop on Sunday, holidays or when the wind chill was below 0 degrees. If he were sick,(which I have no recall of ever happening) they still needed to eat and be cared for.

Involve your children in the upkeep of the family animal. Teach them to walk, groom and pick up after the household pet. It is only fair, and not only fair, but a lesson in responsibility. I knew a family at one time who would go get a kitten, keep it for as long as it was cute and then take it back! This is wrong. If the care has gotten lopsided pull back and give everyone a job.

Again the decision to get a pet needs to be talked about by the whole family.

There have been times that I have been BEGGED, cajoled and made to feel guilty because I would not get the children a dog. But after the issue died down I could see clearly (as well as the child,if they would admit it) that it was the best decision. Sports, jobs, vacations and life in general have a way of borrowing the time that belongs to the animal.
Pets need to be loved and cared for daily. They need a sitter when you go away. They can be a hugh expense. And if you and yours have counted the cost..and have a houseful then more power to you!

I fully realize that a pet can be a companion that keeps loneliness and despondency at bay. They have their place.

So to all of us....Have all the pets you can handle.....(can handle....get it) We can all live happily together ...but as for me and mine there will be no dogs in the house.
(no letters please :):))

Monday, March 24, 2008

Dining Out

It's Saturday nite. Date nite. You are celebrating the weekend. You arrive at a nice restaurant and are seated, anticipating a leisurely evening. Just as you take that first nibble of the delectible appetizer, the waitstaff seat a mother, father and 3 small children at the next table.
You try to believe that it is not going to make a difference. But in no time the atmosphere has been shattered.**

When I am dining out with my children, it is most likely a treat. We are celebrating something. When the children were small my husband and I would sometimes surprize them with a meal out. Now I'm talking Bickfords or Denny's. It was a real treat when that happened!

We would clean everyone up and pile into the van. This was no small outing and many wide eyed stares came our way as we paraded all 8,10 or 14 of us into the dining area.

The preparation for that outing went much further than clean clothes and a washed face. We talked AHEAD OF TIME about what we expected from them in the restaurant. We let them know other people were going to be there to have a quiet dinner. We made it clear that there would be no fighting or fooling around. They knew what they would be allowed to order. The perimeters were set. Boundaries given. Questions answered.

Sometimes I sit and wonder as I watch the food fly; Why didn't they get a sitter? Did they come for a quality meal only to have most of it fall on the floor?

In many instances I am sure that the child would have fared much better staying at home where he could eat his own fare and get to bed at a decent time.

** there are places that are great for children;
fast food restaurants McDonalds have playgrounds in many areas
Friendly's
Texas Road House
Denny's
Bickfords
Pancake Houses
Chuckie Cheese

Prepare ahead of time. Pack a small bag of things to keep the children occupied, maybe even some crackers to tide them over. Please be conscious of the parties around you. Perhaps you could even ask if there is an area where you would least likely bother anyone.

Have fun!!
Blessings
Marnie

Thursday, March 20, 2008

THE TRUST ISSUE

Trust begins to develope at a very early age. I am talking about being able to trust your child.

Trust takes a long time to build. It builds block by block, instance by instance, wise decision upon wise decision.

In the early years children can't be trusted. They just don't know and they are too young to know. When you are visiting a friend or relative it is YOUR responsibility to know what your 1-5 year old is doing at ALL times. Even if there are other kids in the house or they're with Dad upstairs, Mom you best be checking in. Someone's makeup might be getting ruined, nailpolish spilled, precious things getting messed up all because a small child is left on their own. Parents it IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. (and if something gets ruined or broken you really should take responsibility)

As the child gets a little older (5ish-8ish) you should be able to leave Sarah with Judy playing Barbies in their room or Johnny and Sam playing in the sand box. It is still wise to check in every once in a while but longer periods of time can be taken.

As the children get yet older and hopefully wiser (not sneakier) opportunities for overnights, visiting away from home, etc begin to present themselves. Go at it slow and in small chunks. Scope the situation first and make sure you know all the details. We need to loosen the apronstings slowly. It is MUCH harder to tie them back again once they have come undone.

Those situations through which trust is built are like dominos stacked one by one beside each other and unfortunatly it only takes one toppling to knock down the whole row! When the children are small the rows are short and knock down often. As the kids get older the rows are longer and the fall is more devastating. It is very hard to start all over again.

As you build these trust levels, keep the channels of communication open. Communication skills are a vital part of maturing and go hand in hand with trust. The child needs to earn your trust and part of that is by being willing to dialog with you and not getting irritated that you are asking too many questions.
Again, Remember You ARE THE PARENT. You will never get these days back again so take it slow and easy.
There is no rush and theres nothing much sweeter than the realization that you can trust your child.
Blessings,
Marnie

Monday, March 17, 2008

Tattle tales

Ok Let's put this one on the table and see how to think.

Tattle-tale in Websters " to talk idly, chatter, gossip, to reveal someone's secrets, to inform against someone."

It can be good and it can be bad.

When good the "tattler" is letting you know something is going on that you need to know.
When bad the "tattler" is letting you know everything and even more.

But then again is the good tattler a tattler? or is that just an oxymoron? Sometimes it's just a good kid watching out and letting you know when something is going awry.

If you are having a problem with a tattler....I think, as we have talked so many other times, it comes down to communication and teaching.

When Jared, from next door, is visiting and over and over again comes to tell you that your son is out of line....

When your oldest son runs in the door first from school to share the juicy tidbit about his sibling...

When "miss goodie two shoes" is trying to get all the brownie points she can...

It's time for a lesson.

Too often we wait till the point of no return and then we blow...send kids home...to bed... punish.

WAIT

Sit them all down and talk it out. Tell them the problem and the consequences for it.

"Jared and Tommy come here. Ok this needs to stop. Tommy if you are doing things that you are not supposed to it needs to stop right now. Jared any more tatteling and I am going to send you home. Do you both understand?" Keep an eye on them and before they are allowed together again to play remind them of the rules.

"Whoa Steven,why are you telling me about Sammy? Stop right now. This is not your business to tell. Sammy, so tell me what went on at school today." Now if Steven is quite a bit older than his brother you may want to speak to him later about the situation as he may be privy to more information. But be sure to explain that you do not need him to tattle but to keep his ears open as an older brother.

"Katie, I appreciate you reporting to me that Janis is using too much of the finger paints. I am watching over everything and I will take care of it all. I know that the boys left their seats..you just go and finish your project." Just keep pulling her back to her job and if need be have a quiet one on one about the whole issue so that you know she really understands what you are talking about.

Again repeat after me. I am the adult. I am the adult. Take it into hand and teach these life lessons.
Blessings!
Marnie

Sunday, March 16, 2008

WAIT till your father gets home!

Don't say it.
It does nothing except get a child to dread his fathers arrival from work.

Deal with the problem when it happens! Don't ignor it or pass it to the next guy. Think it through and decide what to do. If you're not sure call someone. There IS time. Many of our mistakes happen because we jump too fast or we don't move at all. Don't make rash threats,empty promises, screaming warnings. Not only do they not work they do the job of desensitizing your children to what you say.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.

If there are outstanding problems that you are facing over and over again....talk to your husband and come up with a plan of action. If you can't come up with one, call or write me perhaps I can help.

It is good to be prepared ahead of time. "Honey, what are we going to do? Kelly keeps pinching the baby, getting up over and over again when we put her to bed, throwing her food everywhere, fighting with the neighbor. etc" You get the picture. Think it through....and come up with a plan of action...and then FOLLOW IT THROUGH!

You'll be glad you did. You will not be acting out of control but will be firm and decisive in your discipline. Your child will get the message and


Your husband will not dread coming home!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Child labor

Yes I do believe in it!!

It will not kill or mame a child to do chores...to labor.
In fact it will be good for him.

Children can be of help starting at a young age.
They can fetch things for us, put stuff in the trash, pick up their toys etc.

When they get a little older they should learn what dust looks like and how to deal with it, how to vacume, make their beds, pick up a room, clean the bathroom, do their laundry, empty and load the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, mow the grass, I could go on and on.

Now be aware that children do not come with these skills already programed into them. Dont become frustrated when they do not know how to do what you are asking. Even though they may have seen you do it a thousand time, you need to intentionally teach your child how to do the things you want done. It should be explained and shown once or twice and then overseen the next couple of times.
Like many things the quality of the job may decline and that is when you pull in the reins and make them do it over until it's done correctly.

THIS IS NOT MEAN.
This is training.

Our children need to learn to pitch in. They should do a chore without complaining. They should actually do a job without being asked wow do you honestly think that is possible??

For children who are whining and bored, or just balking at doing a job well done...a job jar works well. Sit down and write a bunch of jobs on pieces of paper and put them in a jar....when there is "nothing to do" when the child just can't seem to behave and stop bugging his siblings, when a job is not done up to standard....that is a good time to pick ANOTHER job from the jar.

some good jobs:
clean out the toy box
clean out draws
clean under the bed
clean under the furniture
vacume the furniture
dust
clean and dust books in the bookcase
wash mirrors
take down cobwebs in the cellar
sweep the walkway
rake
weed
scrub the tub
take out trash
wash all the trash/waste baskets
clean out the silverware drawer
organize the closet
wipe out the fridge
sweep the garage
wash the car
vac the car
wash the woodwork
I think that you get the picture. What would help YOU out? Remember our forefathers HAD children to help them eek out a living.
You've heard me say on many occasions that children need to be trained. Well this is part of the training. Let your children fix dinner one night.

It will be good for them. Dont treat it like a punishment but rather that they are old enough to help. Bring them up on a stool to wash plastic cups, let them help fold the laundry.

Every once in a while, unexpectedly, reward a job well done. It speaks louder than words.
Tonite I had a ladies meeting at the house. As it was winding down I noticed my daughter come into the kitchen and begin to fill the dishwasher. THEN she started it. THEN she began to wash the rest of the dishes in the sink BY HAND. THEN she wiped those dishes and put them away. She cleared off the table and counters and then came in and sat down with me. NOW THAT WAS SUCH A BLESSING TO A MOTHERS HEART!
GOOD JOB KENDALL AND THANK YOU!
Blessings
Marnie

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Grandparents

I have a few leftover thoughts from the thank you blog.

I got thinking about grandparents in particular. (You can also insert aunts, uncles or anyone that is close to you)

Grandparents LOVE to get thank yous. They LOVE to get cards or calls...anytime... or all the time... from anyone!!!

Grandparents usually have some time on their hands especially when they are over 70 ish (I am trying to be careful here as I am 55 with 9 grandchildren)

I think it is rough to grow old...I have been watching it first hand and I see a person who has worked their whole life, someone who has made it happen, the one who brought home the bacon now sitting on the side lines and many times even made to feel like they never really even played the game. Ugh I dont even like typing this.

What can we do?

Grandparents can be invited to the activities that the family members are involved in...soccer practice music recitals games debates plays etc
Grandparents can be asked their opinions.
Grandparents can read to little ones or listen to them read.
They can play scrabble, Uno and checkers.
Grandparents have a wealth of wisdom and life under their belts.
I watched 4 generations out for breakfast the other day and the oldest woman ate totally in silence as her daughter and granddaughter talked non stop (the baby was in the carseat). She was totally left out of the conversation. It made me sad...
I can see how it happens....many times they will not speak up or perhaps they have not been able to "hear" the conversation so they don't join in. It is up to us to involve them.

We MUST remember that we will ALL be there sometime, Lord willing. How are our children going to respond to our forgetfulness, slowness and lack of ability in various areas? Well I think it is best if we can teach from example. I am not great at it but I am trying.

One place that has been difficult is dealing with the reality of it all. Sometimes we just want to live in that state called Denial. It's not happening...if I don't call or visit I won't know and thus its not happening.

Well I need to go and write some thank yous.. AND call my mom!!!

Blessings on you all!
Marnie

#40 Mercie Beaucoup

Hey did I spell that right???

You know THANK YOU.

Remember that word? Well it is both a noun and a verb.
A while back I wrote about the "creeping crud" and I guess this falls within that category.

Granted, I was brought up "old school" whatever that means..
But I think Thank yous are important.

It begins young in the highchair.."Seth give me the ball. Thank you Seth .. now what do you say???"

On into toddlerhood "Here's your icecream Kyle. What do you say?"

Then we hit preschool and school age. "Your teacher gave you that? Did you say thank you?" "When you eat over at Sarah's house be sure you say thank you"

After a birthday,Christmas or when you are the recipient of a special gift, a written thank you is a very nice gesture. The "giver" has put time and effort into the gift... even if it's a "bill" its a bill that could have stayed in the persons pocket!
Children can color a picture, write a short note and hand it to the person when they see them next or just drop it in the mail.

The dinner at a wedding is NOT the thank you. The cake at a birthday party is NOT the thank you.
One of my daughters is very intentional when her little ones are opening gifts. It is one gift at a time unwrapped...oohs and aahs and then the child goes to the person in the room and thanks them and gives them a hug and kiss. Nice touch. If the person is not there the child could even call them and say it.

Ignorance is ignoring the thank you. Strong words I know but that is how I feel. A gift is a gift no matter how small...someone thought of you...

Websters: thank verb to show or express appreciation or gratitude

thankless not feeling or expressing thanks ungrateful

ouch!

Its our job to teach them the "way in which they should go"
and part of that is by example!
need ideas? go to http://www.thank-you-note-samples.com/

Blessings
Marnie

#39 tents

Do you know what is really alot of fun? Making a tent.

Tents are great! All you need is a sheet/blanket/spread a table, a couple of chairs or a bunkbed. We would drape the sheets over the dining table and Voila! We had a tent. Books work good at keeping the fabric from slipping. We would also tuck the sheet under the top bunk and let it fall down the side of the bed creating a tent underneath!

So when things are getting down and dirty....
when there is too much whine ...
when patience is running thin....
Say "Hey Kids I know let's make a tent!!"
Make a little popcorn or perhaps some cut up apples or even triangles of cinnamon toast and slip the tray under the side...cuddle up on all the pillows and read a book by flashlight. Tell stories... make a summer wish list Come on you can think of something...get the kids playing and then go make dinner!

Hey its tent making time! I think that this would even work for teenagers HA HA wouldn't they get a hoot out of that! Tonite supper is served under the dining room table instead of on top!

FUN FUN FUN
Blessings

Marnie

Thursday, February 28, 2008

#38 Play mates

Play mates.

They can be a wonderful asset or not such a good idea.

We were very fortunate to live in a neighborhood with lots of kids when mine were growing up. There was always a fort being built or protected, the sandbox, big wheels, jungle gym, swing set, clubs, etc going on without a pause. It actually was wonderful looking back.

Sometimes I would get frustrated as it seemed like ours was the home where everyone tended to be at lunch time...I gripped about it then but now I think "whats a little more peanut butter?"

There were playmates that I loved having over. The kids would just go and have fun... it actually was a help. But then there were the ones that just didn't or couldn't or wouldn't fit in. They were always hungry, tattleling, wanting to do something else, bored, wanting to play with someone other than who they were visiting. It did not take long to peg those....and to tell you the truth they were not invited in too much.

We must also remember that young children are very much like velcro. They will pick up just about anything. So we really need to monitor the playmates that come into our childrens lives.

It is easier when it is at the house but at school it can be a different matter. You might notice some changes in your child. We all know that children can be very mean and heartless. Watch, ask questions and invite these school mates over occasionally to see who they are.

Remember, as we have said in past blogs, these are all learning lessons. We will use all of this to train our child/children to be the one who is invited over, the one who we get compliments about, the one who is respectful, picks up after himself, takes his plate to the sink, says please and thank you. This is the one who is allowed to make himself at home and before long almost becomes a part of the family.

So while you are raising your children, take some time to cultivate some good playmates for them. It is nice when they are children of a friend of yours. Then you both can compare notes and experience all the "fun" together!

Blessings!
Marnie
By the way I dont think we ever get too old to make a friend and have fun.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

#37 Naps

I just don't know what has happened?
No one has their children nap anymore! Well at least not many.

Let me tell you I LOVED NAP TIME.
We would go through our morning then lunch would come and then YIPEE it was naptime! Did my children beg to go to bed? NO. Were they falling asleep in their peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Not ususally. Did they want to do something else? Most definitely. BUT

I knew they AND I needed them to take a nap. We would wash up after lunch... and all those little ones, who were not in school yet, would lay down in their beds. I might read a story or perhaps put a tape on for them to listen to....but they WENT to bed. 90% of the time they slept. Usually they would be up in an hour or so....sometimes they would sleep way into the afternoon. As hard as it was for me I tried not to let that happen as I wanted them to be ready for bed by 7:30. I would gently wake them up and it would not be long after a fruit and a piece of candy they would be playing again and soon it would be suppertime.

I needed the break and they needed the nap. It is not mean. It is a good idea! Today, I would wager, that if I asked ANYONE of them if they would like to lay down of an hour or two I would get NO argument!

My mom used to say it was growing time...I think that is so. Any way try it .. you may like it!

3 cheers for nap time!!
Yippee!!
Blessings
Marnie

Friday, February 22, 2008

#36 Isolate or insulate?

One of the biggest arguments people use against home-schooling is that the parent is isolating the child. He or she will not be prepared to go out into the world because they have not had training or experience with world "stuff".

We as parents should not be isolating our children but rather we need to insulate them. All the writings thus far are tips that we can use to help US to teach THEM what is right vs. wrong. Good vs. bad. Wise vs. foolish.

It is long, hard and grueling. But it will be worth it when you see your child being able to "cope" and make his way.
Use life and experiences that you encounter during the day to teach ie: The guy showing some road rage, The Lady reaching a high shelf for a little old woman at the grocery store, Being patient at a cross walk, Making soup for the sick person at work, shoveling the walk next door as well as your own, sharing, gossip,meaness, kindess. Use all these things that we step around or through each day to teach your children what is right and wrong, best and not good.

Teaching and preparing them for the inevitable things in life is insulation. Knowing there will always be someone who does not like us. Realizing that life is not fair.
I once heard a teaching on "are you a themometer or a thermostat?" Do you react to what's going on around you or do you set the atmosphere around you.
Hummmm something to think about.
Blessings
Marnie
Keep up the good work!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

#35 I'm Sorry

Why is it SO HARD to get your little one to say “I’m sorry.”?
Sally has ______________________________ (fill in the blank) You say “Oh no Sally ..that was not a nice thing to do! Now you tell Peter that you are sorry.”
The mouth clamps shut. The back straightens and the standoff begins.

What do you do?
It is hard to get much of anything across to your little one as long as there is an audience. It is best to remove the child to a more private spot, get down on his/her level and deal with the situation. Explain in detail what just happened or (get to the bottom of what just happened). Talk through why it was wrong. Be prepared to take a little time.
When there has been understanding tell your child that she needs to go and ask forgiveness. This is important.
I know so many adults that are unable to say they are sorry, unable to admit that they were wrong. It needs to become a way of life when the child is young so that it is not so big of a deal when they are older.

If Sally continues to balk at the request bring in a consequence and follow it through. “You can just sit here in this room until you are ready to apologize to Peter. When you are ready come and get me and I will go with you.” The apology needs to be complete. The child needs to be taught to look into the person's eyes, speak clearly (no whispering or whining) say that they are sorry and for what. “Peter I am sorry that I broke your YoYo. Will you please forgive me?” Then Peter needs to say “Yes, I forgive you.”

Parents this is training for life. Life will be full of give and take, apologies and forgiveness. Don’t skip over this important training in your child’s life. This is a valuable lesson.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

#34 Round 3, and the Winner is...

When our children fight with each other we must not enter the fray! We are the referee not one of the fighters.
There is no need to enter the fight. Keep your cool. Stay calm. Don’t scream.
Just deal. As an adult assess the situation and decide what needs to be done.
Sometimes little ones will just fight because. People say Boys will be boys… Yes but NO. It is not acceptable.

Separate the kids first. Take them into different parts of the house.
Let it be made known that fighting will not be tolerated. Get to the bottom of the issue and settle it.
One of my weird sayings was “ You will not be allowed to get along with anyone OUTSIDE of the house until you can get along with everyone INSIDE the house” In other words don’t expect to do anything fun until you can get along with your siblings.

Parenting is a lot of work…But it just comes with the territory! Use the years wisely as there will come a day that it will be all over and your sphere of influence will be much smaller if not non existent.
Blessings!
Marnie

Monday, February 18, 2008

# 33 I won't and you can't make me!

The morning starts out on the wrong foot and THEN Jessie will NOT go into the daycare. She kicks. She screams. She sits on the floor and won’t budge. She clings to your leg. Got the picture?
Now we all know this is not fun and all the more when we are tired and its only 7:30 in the morning. What do we do???

We are at the nursery door at church and Chuckie is screaming “NOOOOOOOOOO! “

We are at the dentist and the child WILL NOT sit in the chair.

We are at the beach and Jason does not want to go home. He runs away.

We are at Nannies, and Cory….who has gone past the point of no return…has wet her pants and can't stop crying ….for anything.

Don’t you just wish you could wiggle your nose and find that the child has been transported into her pj's and is snug in bed? Darn it just does not work that way.!

Ok lets get down to brass tacks.

These are all difficult situations that happen at one time or the other….usually when the child is young . What you do now is foundational.

You must win. If you don’t you have thrown some “power/authority” away. The child has won a point. After winning a point, believe me, they will continue to “dribble”! ( did you understand that pun?)

Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Communication is key in the above situations. Be talking about what is going to happen way before the day. Let the child know how it is going to work and what you expect. You can promise a reward for smooth sailing. Stay calm and handle it! You ARE the mom! (aunt,grandparent,sitter etc)

Saturday, February 16, 2008

#32 Part 2 Television and Movies

Do you think that the television should be a part of your child’s bedroom furniture?

I remember a number of years ago sitting at the dining table with my children when the topic of televisions came up. It would seem like a number of their peers in grade school had televisions in their bedrooms. My children made it known that they wished we “had enough money” that they could have tvs in their rooms also. I made it very clear that “even if I owned 1 million dollars” that they would still not be allowed to have televisions or telephones in their rooms. Wow what a wake up call that was!

Call me old fashioned….. I don’t want my children hidden away in their rooms for hours at a time. I want to hear who they are talking to and for how long. I want to know what they are watching and how much time they are spending in front of the TV.

I think if an alien space ship landed today in America that they very well might come to the conclusion that the TV is our god. We lay in front of it. We have it on continually. We have one in each and every room. Some are as big as whole walls!

Now I don’t have any real gripe with TVs or movies for that matter. I have a concern about how much time we are letting them suck up of our lives and what they are teaching to our children while we are not paying attention.

Have you ever heard of good music, conversations, board or card games??? Did you know there is a world to be explored in books? Let the television and movies be a treat and not the norm. Try it you may like it!

PS We took a year when the kids were small and put the TV away. It was not a punishment but a discipline. It took a little getting used to but turned out to be very good in many different ways. One thing I can tell you for sure is it will sensitize you again. When we watched again for the first time in a long time I was startled by the commercials ( both stupid and crude) plus the loudness and visual clutter that it brought into the room. Try an experiment and turn it (them) off for a week or month and then bring it (them) back into your life ON YOUR TERMS!

Life is good.

#31 Television and the Movies

Do you oversee what your children watch on television or at the movies?
Do you expect them to make good choices on their own if they have never been trained?
Do you care?
It is a well known fact that the television is used as a babysitter in many instances. We have all used it at one time or another.
In many homes the television is just on for noise …. But do you realize that that noise is feeding into a mind and forming opinions and foundations for life? I personally don’t even think that you should fall asleep to the tv!
Children are going to the movies at very young ages. What used to be a treat is now the norm. You can go into the theater to watch an "adult" picture ( and I don’t mean XXX) and see parents walking in with toddlers in tow. I went to see "When a Stranger Calls" ( a very suspenseful movie) and was shocked to see so many little children in the seats!
Parents…..it’s our responsibility. We should be the ones to turn the TV on and to turn it off. We should be aware of how much and what our children are watching. If you’re not sure if it’s good programming, ask some questions or watch the program with your childf. There are also sites that you can go to that spell the movie out before you let your child go.
You know what? EVERYBODY is NOT going.
Please care. Guard and guide your kids . You’ll be glad that you did!
The Bible has a verse that I think is appropriate here: "Whatsoever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things" Philippians 4:9
Stay tune for part 2 should television be a part of your child’s bedroom furniture.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

#30 NO is not a four letter word!

No is NOT a four letter word!

No, as negative as it is, is not a negative word. Wow that was an interesting sentence!

It is important to say “no” to our children. To every positive there is a negative. To every yes there is a no.

No is not a punishment. It is an instructive word.

Parents please don’t be afraid to use it. But back it up. Don’t just use it and not follow it through. Think before you say it.

You know it is not bad to say no to ourselves as well! “NO don’t have that last piece of cake!” “ No do not gossip.” “No get off the phone and read to the kids”

Ok that’s all I have to say about the matter! Enough negative for one day! We have been busy here at Gileads Balm so our writings have slacked off. Sorry. Do any of you have any topics that you want me to write on?

Blessings!
Marnie.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Recipe....Roasted vegetable w pasta

This is the recipe that was served at the "Alone with Jesus" retreat on 1-26-08. By the way thank you to all that came!

Cook fucilli (fuscilli) ? pasta according to directions. I'm sure you could use any pasta but I like this because it has come substance to it.

Cut up vegetables anything really I used:
summer squash, zukinni, onion,mushrooms, tomatoes, carrots, peppers, garlic
I pan fried and drained on paper towel salami cut up into small squares ( add at the end before serving)

I spread the vegs on baking sheet...drizzle with olive oil
and cook at about 450 degrees until cooked but still a little crisp.

Drain pasta add vegs and salami and toss with some Italian dressing if desired and top with shredded pecorino cheese.

This is a great dish hot or room temp and it tastes better the second time around!



The rice pudding : I cooked some rice according to directions and added it to precooked vanilla pudding. I stirred in some cool whip when the pudding had cooled. Darn...I wish I did not have to admit it was this easy!!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

#29 OUCH that hurts!!!

Biting. Now that can be an embarrassing situation for a parent. You are at a play date and Carl takes a hunk out of Mark or at least leaves his imprint. Yikes what do you do then? First apologize to the Mom and child and then take your situation into hand. Remove your child to a place where you can mean business.

It’s interesting how some children bite and some don’t. I’m not sure why.

One thing I do know is…..if your child bites ANYONE make sure that it is the last time he does it!

We were sitting for a little 3 year old and her brother a number of years back. I had a 5-6 year old at the time. The little girl decided to leave her teeth prints on my daughters arm…which REALLY HURT! Not only did it hurt physically but emotionally as well!

I remember it well…Kendall came running, crying very hard. She told me what happened. I WISKED the little one up and sat her eye to eye on the counter in front of me and with a LOUD, STERN voice said, “don’t you ever, ever, ever, bite! We do not bite here. Look at this boo- boo that you made.”. I continued on this line, nose to nose with this little one and believe me she was getting the message. After a bit ( no pun) I questioned her about what I was saying. I made her repeat after me. I stayed on this for a minute or two and then I sat her in a chair for a short while.

She never bit again (at least in my house). She got the message.

Sometimes I feel that the quick movement and loud wording is all it takes. I was not screaming. I was in full control. I did not bite her back. I made her apologize for what she had done and kept a close eye on her for the next few weeks.

Sometimes we just need to “spring into action” It seems to create an atmosphere of tension that helps the offender know that you are serious and he/she is not sure what is going to happen next.

I have known people that had to have a pet put down because of uncontrolled biting … enough said!

Blessings,
Marnie
PS:You can also insert the following words where Biting…is used
Pinching
Hitting
Pushing
Name calling
Bullying
I think that you are getting the idea!

Monday, January 21, 2008

#28 It's a WEIGHTY matter!

It’s a Weighty Matter!
Here’s to HEALTH

We are what we eat the old saying goes!
Well it is the same for our children.

There is really no excuse, in my estimation, for a child to be heavy. They should not be making their own meals and doing the shopping. They should not be serving themselves. We are the problem!

Sitting on the beach one day next to a heavy women with her 2 children, I watched as the kids were playing contentedly in the sand. Every now and then the Mom would get their attention with “ OK, OK, you can have just 2 more cookies . But that is it until lunch time.”

The kids had not asked for anything…..they just were fed.

We’re hungry and we justify it by feeding our children as well ( unless we’re into hoarding our food under our beds) That is a topic for another time!

If your children are overweight at all. Please take the matter in hand. This is your job and they need assistance!. Begin to monitor their diet. Buy healthy foods. Empty the cupboards of junk. They may balk but it MUST BE DONE.
You and I both know that it will be MUCH EASIER now than later.

So with the money you save on groceries go to Kmart and buy new sneakers for the family and start a daily walking regime! It will be a great bonding time and you will all get in shape as well!


Blessings,
Marnie

PS There are Doctors and dieticians and even friends who can help you on your way .

Saturday, January 19, 2008

#27 Our responsibility...?

What is my responsibility?

Have you ever noticed that times are changing?
We feed, clothe, house and support for a good 18 years plus. We were always told that that is when our children would get jobs, get married and move out on their own…right? Well it often does not work that way.

We have children who leave for school and then come back. To stay… Or we have children that move out and need to be rescued continually. What is our role???

I remember a conversation with my oldest son. He had gone off for a year to a missions program and come back home. He had matured physically and socially. We sat on the front steps and I let him know how happy I was to have him back with us. We chatted and I proceeded to make it clear to him that we both needed to expect some differences. He had been out on his “own” and I still had young kids at home. There were still the house “rules” and I needed him to know that. I told him how the mother bird begins to “unfeather” the nest as the bird gets larger. I reminded him that many times children will find even the smallest of things to get upset and irritated over because they want to move out but don’t know really how to do it.
I told one of my daughters that she needed to know that she could not move out, under any circumstances if she were angry. All issues needed to be talked out and settled. We needed to come to grips with the fact that it was going to be difficult on both of us when it was time for her to move but that it was part of growing up.

I cried for 3 weeks when 2 of my children moved out close to the same time. It was not long before I realized that they really represented about 8 kids (as their friends were always over) and no wonder it was so quiet! But I must admit that 2 months later when they were back at the door (to visit) I wanted to say so “why are you here”!
I had come to enjoy the growing quiet, the rooms that remained clean and the overall peace that I had not had for sooooo long!

I hope that you can relate!

Its all normal and natural….But what if it doesn’t happen? What if they need to move back in after school or perhaps never move out after school?! How should it look?
First I think that it is very wise to sit down and make up a contract of sorts. Talk to your husband and decide what you want it to look like. Then talk it out with you son/daughter. Cover all the topics: laundry, room, board, meals, respect, cleaning up messes, letting you know where and when, guests etc…. and then when you have come to an agreement write it down and sign it.
Your child SHOULD NOT be staying in your home for nothing. Even if you have no need of the extra income….he/she needs to learn the responsibility of paying their way. (Save the money and use it for something special or if you really don’t need it give it back to them when they do move out….maybe it can be their first months rent) But remember they are adults now and must be treated as such. Set standards for them and don’t make it too easy. You will not be doing them any favors.

Then there is the child that moves out just because he can’t stand you any more! You are so restrictive etc….
BUT you still get the calls….” Mom do you mind if I drop off 5 bags of laundry? I have nothing to wear!” “Dad, my car’s not running do you think you could fix it/” “Folks I am going to Disney for 2 weeks with a friend, would you mind watching my dogs?” “ Dad I’m short on cash and my rent is past due and my landlord is bugging me. Could I get a loan?” “Sis can I borrow $50.00 until my next check?”

Weigh these requests carefully. If you can and want to do any of them fine do it .. but remember…. no complaining. But if there is ANY guilt or need to act like a savior, be codependent etc…..No ! I give you permission to just say no!!!

“Oh Jimmy! How’s it going son? When can you come over to dinner? Hey about the laundry, you know the old washer and dryer are kind of on their last legs but you remember the laudromat on Main St. right? I think that its open most of the time”.
“Susie by the way did you get that oil change that I reminded you of last week? Remember I told you every 3000 miles? You haven’t had one for how long?? Well I suggest you get it right over to Walmart for a check up and see what they say.” “Wow aren’t you the lucky one! T he dogs? Didn’t you say that you still had not gotten them house broken yet? Well you know dad and I work. But I do know that there is a kennel in town. Why don’t you call them .. or maybe you could find one of your friends who wouldn’t mind.”
“ Oh sweetie! I’m sorry that you are in such a bind! I would if I could but our mortgage payment just went out and we just don’t have it. Maybe if you call your landlord he will give you an extension.” “Jacki, I will have to run it by mom and dad to see if I can loan you the money. They said that I have to check with them for this kind of thing. Sorry.”

There is no need to fight. No need to take it on. No need to wear it. You may think that you are helping but you might very well be just prolonging the inevitable. Lay it down and DON’T feel guilty!

Our children MUST GROW UP. We would not have it any other way. We do not want to be their savior. They need to look up for that. Again I give you permission to not rescue over and over again!

Talking with a mom the other day I asked her when was the last time that she had had fun with her husband? She admitted that the issue at hand had been weighing heavily on them both and causing much stress and irritation. I told her it was time to remove the cloud caused by this child (that was shadowing over EVERYTHING) and go and enjoy each other. It’s ok In fact it’s not only OK its GOOD!!! You earned it….Your marriage must take priority!

And personally I think that valuable lessons are learned when Sara calls home to find that you guys are just headed out for dinner and dancing and not there every time for her beck and call .

Blessings!
Marnie

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

#26 are you a SCREAMER???

I remember it clearly. My friends' mom would come out of the house and SCREAM at her kids. I never heard her talk in a normal voice to her children...and the most interesting thing to me at that time was..they COMPLETELY ignored her!

Why do we feel we need to SCREAM? Are we loosing control? Are we being ignored? Are our children deaf?

Are you a SCREAMER? Take a minute and think about it. I have found through trial and error that SCREAMING is not the best route to take. It is better to get the childs attention..eye to eye...and make yourself clear and understood. SCREAMING is to explaining as slapping is to a spanking. It is done out of frustration and anger just like a slap vs. a thought out spanking.

So how do we stop?
First, you need to admit that that is what you do. 2nd you need to see what drives you to it. 3rd you need to set some boundaries for yourself. Bring the kids in on it, or perhaps a girlfriend or your husband. Give them permission to give you the high sign when you start.

Now take your feelings off your sleeve and remind yourself that this is going to benefit everyone involved. Plus is that how you really want to be thought of?

We SCREAM when people are not "hearing us". So how do we change this? You have spoken, warned, threatened, bribed, cojoled and no one is paying any attention. You are like a broken record that those around you have gotten used to. How sad. All that wasted energy! All that empty parenting. All that cement being poured into the wrong place. Yes we are creating a solid foundation that our children will expect and live out.

Ok now so take a deep breath and begin a new day. Stop, think before you speak/scream. Carry through....be consistent..get your childs attention. But PLEASE STOP SCREAMING!!! what will the neighbors think:):)

Blessings,
Marnie

Monday, January 14, 2008

#25 Is the honeymoon over????

Ok, today I'm going to ask you to do something perhaps difficult and maybe a little scary!

GO AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

NOW
Ok, so what do you see? I mean take a real assessment.
Have you gotten out of your PJs? Is your hair combed and neat? Do you have at least minimal makeup?

How about your home? Is it neat? If someone stopped in without calling would you be comfortable? Is your bedroom neat, bed made, clothes put away? Are your children dressed and ready for the day. Remember that this is training ground.

When your husband comes home from work...are the children clean? Is there something cooking for supper? Do you look like the woman he wanted to marry?

Now some of you might think that this is old school and perhaps even legalistic. I think not. It is just good sense. It's good for you, your children and your relationship with your husband.

Please don't look at it like another chore. When I get up in the morning (now and when I had little kids) first I took the 3 minutes it takes to make the bed ( Did you know that your bedroom instantly looks cleaner when the bed is made) and then I go and make myself "presentable". It will usually be the last time I get to look in the mirror for the day so I try to get it done before the day begins.:)

Map out your day. Put some thought into it. Decide what you will have for supper before 10AM so that you can prepare ahead and have whatever thawed etc. Maybe you could even make a dessert!

Now I know that there are those "days" but they are not everyday. If you are a stay at home mom this is your job...so do it well. If dad comes home late have the kids fed and bathed so that after a book with dad they can go to bed and you can have some quite time with your husband.

Honestly, today at Walmart I saw some women that made me wonder if they had just given up on themselves...pajama pants, no makeup, hair not even combed and I dare not go further. I would not want my husband to look like a slob and I believe that he feels the same about me!

So ladies...DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR.... take a few minutes for yourself and EVERYONE will feel better (even the people at Walmart!!)

Blessings
Marnie