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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dad

My daughter loaded the kids in the car and drove to the local donut shop.  She ordered her husbands favorite coffee and then went to where he was working and delivered it.   SURPRISE!!


This is good.  It is a good example to the children, AND it was a pleasant affirmation of the family's love towards him


Life tends to just tumble on and on.... moments into hours and hours into days and then the month is past.


Today grab some time.....Do something spontaneous.  Make your spouse feel appreciated.  Put a love note in his lunch...make his favorite dinner or dessert.  Have the kids make cards.  Fix a treat for when he comes home from work..you get the idea ~ DO SOMETHING!
When the children were small we made a large paper doll and taped it on the wall.  We wrote on the hands, feet, etc etc   


Ex: we love how dad holds us, we like when dad takes us fishing,    We love when dad wrestles with us, We love the way dad sings.
    
We had this hung up for when my husband came home from work...The kids joined in on making the night special and it was wonderful. 

Spread the love.  If you don't have a spouse....pick someone else...one of the children, a neighbor, a grandparent etc..So many never hear a word of thanks



Appreciation is POWERFUL and brings about  wonderful results!
And it does not cost anything!


Blessings!

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Big Black Box

A reader writes:
 I wanted to ask you about the television.  OK, so I know to limit the television at all costs. I also know the recommendations of the professionals (no TV before age 2 and then after limit to 1-2 hrs.) However, I find there are a couple times during the day, that I don't know what else to do. First thing in the morning, when we are still waking up (7-8am) and usually after nap time, when she is still fussing from waking up, wants cuddle time, and we need a quiet thing to do to not wake up the others. So I can hear myself and think..well reading. And we do that ALOT. I guess these are the times when I'm tired too and just need that quiet/nothing activity. This sounds selfish. But the reality of life is that these times happen. What do you think? 


Thanks for the question!   Remembering those days I used to love the times that Sesame Street would come on.  Like you we had a scheduled time of TV.  It seemed like during the winter it was on a little more and in the summer much less especially as the children grew and could play outdoors.


My word on the whole subject is just be careful. 
 I know many people who have the TV on all day just for the noise.  Personally because I rarely watch anything anymore that is just what it is to me  NOISE!!
There are some great learning videos for babies and toddlers.  Ask around, google and check out the library.  These really can aid in their learning.   I honestly think that the issue here is unsupervised TV where the child is just "Vegging" in front of the screen doing nothing   NO.... use the TV for your own purposes..don't let it take control of your family.


Hope that this helps
Blessings!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

But he's only three

I hung around for awhile  this afternoon with my little 3 year old grandson.  He had just come from the store with his new two-wheeler (with training wheels)  He was so proud.  I watched him start out a tad apprehensive and in a very short time he was doing sharp corners, going through narrow spaces and all in all being purely boy!  
There were a few topples in the process where mom and/or dad would run to the rescue with a quick hug, words of assurance and  a wipe of the tears. Immediately he would be off again, proudly bearing a new "booboo" to signify his accomplishment.
As they were getting ready to leave, crying was heard coming from the back seat.  It was impossible to see through the shaded car window and the whole ordeal was just thought of as "tiredness"   
Then his mom said "Grandbabe, he is upset because he was not able to say good by to his "friends"".  Us!
As soon as the door slipped open his crying stopped as he shared his hugs and kisses with those he was leaving behind. With promises of seeing each other soon, hopes of a  picnic with ice cream cones in the near future, the tears dried in faint streaks and the yawning smile settled on his face for the ride home.
How precious.
I'm sure I have seen "that face" hundreds of times ~ but today I saw it a little clearer.  I was not going to be giving the bath, making the hasty meal and tucking him in bed.  My time was done for the day.  I had been a grandparent for a couple of hours... What a privilege.


A couple of things: These little ones have real feelings because they are REAL people!  Be aware, watch and listen.  Those ooohs and ahhhhhs make a difference, those hugs and kisses are part of the foundation that the rest of his life will build upon.  YOU are important!  You fill a vital role.  To re coin a phrase "You are part of the fabric of his life"   
Ponder this today and see what you might do that could make a difference.  Perhaps it could be an unexpected phone call to read a story before nap, a lollipop in the mail or a time out of a visit to just sneak a way for a few minutes of one on one.  Try it!   You'll like it!


Blessings!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

What's the Temperature?

Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?


Do you regulate the atmosphere in your home or do you just react to what is going on around  you?


This is important to know about yourself.  Remember the saying   "If mama's not happy then no body's happy"
I'm afraid there is alot of truth in this statement.  Wow...what power!
The power, control and the ability to make those we love miserable and nervous.  Does your family "walk on eggshells around you always wondering  how your day is going?


If any of these statements belong to you  I suggest that you get some help.   The Scripture says that the "power of life and death are in the tongue"  Yikes!


I believe you knew with in the first 4 lines of this blog if this pertained to you.  
If you are a thermostat ...set an even temperature.  Your family will thrive on your consistent tone and behavior.  
If you are a thermometer, ask yourself why.  Why am I so stressed?  Am I filled with fear?  Am I angry?  Why are my days and thoughts filled with so much emotion?
   
Find someone to talk to, an older woman perhaps that can guide you and help train you to walk on a new path.  
You can do it and your family will do so much better because you took the step!


Blessings!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Shyness/ Being Courteous

Another reader question:


."sometimes when meeting new people she gets shy and nervous and won't make eye contact. If someone says "Nice to meet you" or "how are you?" she will look away and respond or respond as she is walking away. I tell her all the time to look at them in the eye or wait to walk away until she responds so they know she is acknowledging them but it doesn't seem to help. Is this something I will just have to keep reminding her of and hope that it will change? I just feel like she looks rude even though I know she is just feeling awkward sometimes."


Personally,  I believe that shyness should be addressed  and can be helped with practice.  Explain to her why you think it is important and that it is something that you want her to learn.  This should not be an option. (this needs to be an intentional conversation)


Perhaps you can make a game of it. Act it out thru out the week.  Practice with some of her friends and your friends.  Play act.    Your friend sticks out her hand and says nice to meet you Jane.  Jane shakes the hand and simply says," thank you". 
If someone compliments her dress  she needs to learn to say thank you.    
It is not too hard for her and sometimes can actually falls into the same category as not being willing to say sorry when they are wrong.  
Rebellion looks different at different ages! 
It is a process of learning.    


Next she needs to be the initiator.   "Hello, Mrs. Smith,  How are you today?" 
Get the first part down pat first and then you can start to work on this second area. 


Like with anything else, you can reward or discipline as the need be.  Early bed time would be good in this case...or just making her stay by your side if she does not respond appropriately.


Parenting is not for the lazy by any means!  Good work Mom!


Blessings!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Teach the Lesson Well

A reader writes:
"My daughter is 8 now and when she is with me she (most of the time) is very compliant and sweet. However, when she is with her friends she starts to almost act like she is a mini-teenie-bopper. The way she talks changes, her mannerisms, and she doesn't seem herself. She doesn't act bad or do anything wrong in particular but I see an attitude that I'm not sure I really like.....do you have any suggestions about what to do about this?" 
 
You are ABSOLUTELY right  that it is not what you want to see.  She is growing up and there are new lessons every day.  You are doing a good job.
Your daughter  needs to know her boundaries clearly.  Do not back down and if she cannot "pass the test" with friends then she is not old enough to spend time with them.  Explain it well 

One day my grade school daughter asked to go to the library with friends. Now I knew these girls and they attended her school but I knew they did not have the same focus that our family did, (they dressed and acted well past their age).  I ended up saying yes and that I would pick her up at a certain time.
When I arrived the girls were not studying but were sitting in another part of the building and as I walked up to them I noticed that my daughter's face was totally "made up"  .  I addressed her friends and we said good by and headed for the car.  On our way home after a bit of chat I said   " well, you failed the test."   "What test?" my daughter responded.  
I then explained to her the reason I let her go to the library was not for a makeup lesson but to study,,, I made it clear that she would not be allowed to do this activity again until I felt that she could hold her own and stick to the parameters that were set.
During these years we are constantly testing our children's actions  As we loosen tight boundaries and allow them to be "pushed out" a little, we watch and listen to see if our child is mature enough for the added responsibility...the test.   If not we set the boundary back in place.  We should not be moved by our child's peers    Didn't you ever hear your mom say "Well, I'm not Johnny's mom!"
6 years later this lesson will still come up in conversation(in a good way)  I want children that will be their own person and not swayed by all the personalities that they will meet along the way.  Whether it is riding the bike around the block for the first time , using the phone or taking the car...Make the boundaries known and then stick with them.   It is a wonderful thing to see your child mature and "get it"    During these years it is your job to protect and teach. Teach the lesson well....You don't have to apologize for well thought out boundaries.
  Stick with it

Blessings!