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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dad

My daughter loaded the kids in the car and drove to the local donut shop.  She ordered her husbands favorite coffee and then went to where he was working and delivered it.   SURPRISE!!


This is good.  It is a good example to the children, AND it was a pleasant affirmation of the family's love towards him


Life tends to just tumble on and on.... moments into hours and hours into days and then the month is past.


Today grab some time.....Do something spontaneous.  Make your spouse feel appreciated.  Put a love note in his lunch...make his favorite dinner or dessert.  Have the kids make cards.  Fix a treat for when he comes home from work..you get the idea ~ DO SOMETHING!
When the children were small we made a large paper doll and taped it on the wall.  We wrote on the hands, feet, etc etc   


Ex: we love how dad holds us, we like when dad takes us fishing,    We love when dad wrestles with us, We love the way dad sings.
    
We had this hung up for when my husband came home from work...The kids joined in on making the night special and it was wonderful. 

Spread the love.  If you don't have a spouse....pick someone else...one of the children, a neighbor, a grandparent etc..So many never hear a word of thanks



Appreciation is POWERFUL and brings about  wonderful results!
And it does not cost anything!


Blessings!

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Big Black Box

A reader writes:
 I wanted to ask you about the television.  OK, so I know to limit the television at all costs. I also know the recommendations of the professionals (no TV before age 2 and then after limit to 1-2 hrs.) However, I find there are a couple times during the day, that I don't know what else to do. First thing in the morning, when we are still waking up (7-8am) and usually after nap time, when she is still fussing from waking up, wants cuddle time, and we need a quiet thing to do to not wake up the others. So I can hear myself and think..well reading. And we do that ALOT. I guess these are the times when I'm tired too and just need that quiet/nothing activity. This sounds selfish. But the reality of life is that these times happen. What do you think? 


Thanks for the question!   Remembering those days I used to love the times that Sesame Street would come on.  Like you we had a scheduled time of TV.  It seemed like during the winter it was on a little more and in the summer much less especially as the children grew and could play outdoors.


My word on the whole subject is just be careful. 
 I know many people who have the TV on all day just for the noise.  Personally because I rarely watch anything anymore that is just what it is to me  NOISE!!
There are some great learning videos for babies and toddlers.  Ask around, google and check out the library.  These really can aid in their learning.   I honestly think that the issue here is unsupervised TV where the child is just "Vegging" in front of the screen doing nothing   NO.... use the TV for your own purposes..don't let it take control of your family.


Hope that this helps
Blessings!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

But he's only three

I hung around for awhile  this afternoon with my little 3 year old grandson.  He had just come from the store with his new two-wheeler (with training wheels)  He was so proud.  I watched him start out a tad apprehensive and in a very short time he was doing sharp corners, going through narrow spaces and all in all being purely boy!  
There were a few topples in the process where mom and/or dad would run to the rescue with a quick hug, words of assurance and  a wipe of the tears. Immediately he would be off again, proudly bearing a new "booboo" to signify his accomplishment.
As they were getting ready to leave, crying was heard coming from the back seat.  It was impossible to see through the shaded car window and the whole ordeal was just thought of as "tiredness"   
Then his mom said "Grandbabe, he is upset because he was not able to say good by to his "friends"".  Us!
As soon as the door slipped open his crying stopped as he shared his hugs and kisses with those he was leaving behind. With promises of seeing each other soon, hopes of a  picnic with ice cream cones in the near future, the tears dried in faint streaks and the yawning smile settled on his face for the ride home.
How precious.
I'm sure I have seen "that face" hundreds of times ~ but today I saw it a little clearer.  I was not going to be giving the bath, making the hasty meal and tucking him in bed.  My time was done for the day.  I had been a grandparent for a couple of hours... What a privilege.


A couple of things: These little ones have real feelings because they are REAL people!  Be aware, watch and listen.  Those ooohs and ahhhhhs make a difference, those hugs and kisses are part of the foundation that the rest of his life will build upon.  YOU are important!  You fill a vital role.  To re coin a phrase "You are part of the fabric of his life"   
Ponder this today and see what you might do that could make a difference.  Perhaps it could be an unexpected phone call to read a story before nap, a lollipop in the mail or a time out of a visit to just sneak a way for a few minutes of one on one.  Try it!   You'll like it!


Blessings!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

What's the Temperature?

Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?


Do you regulate the atmosphere in your home or do you just react to what is going on around  you?


This is important to know about yourself.  Remember the saying   "If mama's not happy then no body's happy"
I'm afraid there is alot of truth in this statement.  Wow...what power!
The power, control and the ability to make those we love miserable and nervous.  Does your family "walk on eggshells around you always wondering  how your day is going?


If any of these statements belong to you  I suggest that you get some help.   The Scripture says that the "power of life and death are in the tongue"  Yikes!


I believe you knew with in the first 4 lines of this blog if this pertained to you.  
If you are a thermostat ...set an even temperature.  Your family will thrive on your consistent tone and behavior.  
If you are a thermometer, ask yourself why.  Why am I so stressed?  Am I filled with fear?  Am I angry?  Why are my days and thoughts filled with so much emotion?
   
Find someone to talk to, an older woman perhaps that can guide you and help train you to walk on a new path.  
You can do it and your family will do so much better because you took the step!


Blessings!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Shyness/ Being Courteous

Another reader question:


."sometimes when meeting new people she gets shy and nervous and won't make eye contact. If someone says "Nice to meet you" or "how are you?" she will look away and respond or respond as she is walking away. I tell her all the time to look at them in the eye or wait to walk away until she responds so they know she is acknowledging them but it doesn't seem to help. Is this something I will just have to keep reminding her of and hope that it will change? I just feel like she looks rude even though I know she is just feeling awkward sometimes."


Personally,  I believe that shyness should be addressed  and can be helped with practice.  Explain to her why you think it is important and that it is something that you want her to learn.  This should not be an option. (this needs to be an intentional conversation)


Perhaps you can make a game of it. Act it out thru out the week.  Practice with some of her friends and your friends.  Play act.    Your friend sticks out her hand and says nice to meet you Jane.  Jane shakes the hand and simply says," thank you". 
If someone compliments her dress  she needs to learn to say thank you.    
It is not too hard for her and sometimes can actually falls into the same category as not being willing to say sorry when they are wrong.  
Rebellion looks different at different ages! 
It is a process of learning.    


Next she needs to be the initiator.   "Hello, Mrs. Smith,  How are you today?" 
Get the first part down pat first and then you can start to work on this second area. 


Like with anything else, you can reward or discipline as the need be.  Early bed time would be good in this case...or just making her stay by your side if she does not respond appropriately.


Parenting is not for the lazy by any means!  Good work Mom!


Blessings!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Teach the Lesson Well

A reader writes:
"My daughter is 8 now and when she is with me she (most of the time) is very compliant and sweet. However, when she is with her friends she starts to almost act like she is a mini-teenie-bopper. The way she talks changes, her mannerisms, and she doesn't seem herself. She doesn't act bad or do anything wrong in particular but I see an attitude that I'm not sure I really like.....do you have any suggestions about what to do about this?" 
 
You are ABSOLUTELY right  that it is not what you want to see.  She is growing up and there are new lessons every day.  You are doing a good job.
Your daughter  needs to know her boundaries clearly.  Do not back down and if she cannot "pass the test" with friends then she is not old enough to spend time with them.  Explain it well 

One day my grade school daughter asked to go to the library with friends. Now I knew these girls and they attended her school but I knew they did not have the same focus that our family did, (they dressed and acted well past their age).  I ended up saying yes and that I would pick her up at a certain time.
When I arrived the girls were not studying but were sitting in another part of the building and as I walked up to them I noticed that my daughter's face was totally "made up"  .  I addressed her friends and we said good by and headed for the car.  On our way home after a bit of chat I said   " well, you failed the test."   "What test?" my daughter responded.  
I then explained to her the reason I let her go to the library was not for a makeup lesson but to study,,, I made it clear that she would not be allowed to do this activity again until I felt that she could hold her own and stick to the parameters that were set.
During these years we are constantly testing our children's actions  As we loosen tight boundaries and allow them to be "pushed out" a little, we watch and listen to see if our child is mature enough for the added responsibility...the test.   If not we set the boundary back in place.  We should not be moved by our child's peers    Didn't you ever hear your mom say "Well, I'm not Johnny's mom!"
6 years later this lesson will still come up in conversation(in a good way)  I want children that will be their own person and not swayed by all the personalities that they will meet along the way.  Whether it is riding the bike around the block for the first time , using the phone or taking the car...Make the boundaries known and then stick with them.   It is a wonderful thing to see your child mature and "get it"    During these years it is your job to protect and teach. Teach the lesson well....You don't have to apologize for well thought out boundaries.
  Stick with it

Blessings!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Potty Training Part 2

Please find the following question asked in response to Potty Training 1:
"So what about at night when they have already been trained for years during the day. I have even put them in underwear and taken them to the bathroom in the middle of the night and they are still soaked in the morning. I have cut down the drinking at night and still overnight pants are almost always soaked."



Really try to say NO to drinks after dinner.  
Sometime today have a moment with your child for some big girl tea to discuss this issue.  
There should not be any negative in this talk.  
Tell her you know that this is difficult and that she is not doing it on purpose.  Say: " Lets pray right now that Jesus will help with this....HE love you so much"  
Make a loose plan :  we will not have a drink past dinner.....I will get you up to go to the bathroom when I go to bed. ... and we will continue to pray.  Lets plan some rewards.  1 dry night = a walk with Mom alone!,   3 dry nights = ice cream out with Dad ALONE,  1 week.= fill in the blank.(maybe $5 at the dollar store)   post this by her bed and maybe on the fridge.    Talk about it thru out the day:"I wonder if this will be the night?"  "Dear Lord please help.... to not wet her bed but wake her up to go to the bathroom if she needs to..." Continuous  day and night reminders. I doubt the text in Deut. 8 was about wetting the bed but the foundational truth remains solid    when you sit down, when you walk etc etc.  chat away   lots of hugs and lots of encouragement.
Please try this and we will watch for a comment as to how it is going.


Blessings!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

waste not = waist ~ not!

OK  this may be a tad difficult but I want to look critically at your children.  Is anyone over or under weight?


I implore you  today to take hold of your child's health.  Begin to eat cleaner ~ you know...like REAL food.  Food that God made, not that that comes in little plastic wrappers and cardboard boxes..


Having raised a big family I did a ton of cooking and baking.  Just to put a meal on the table was a huge undertaking!. I scheduled a baking day where I would fill the cookie jar and a few other things plus restock the freezer with breakfast muffins, pancakes and french toast.  I found that this worked great as they could reach in and take something before school and I knew what was going into their bodies.  Now granted I was a stay at home mom but for those of you that work there are things that you can do as well that will help you as well as the kids.   Think through what your kids eat in a week.  A piece of fruit and some nuts should hold them over until dinner. Snacks need to be limited.


I made sure that there was ALWAYS a fruit bowl on the table;  apples, oranges, banana etc (whatever was in season) .  I found that if it was out and accessible it was eaten.  Our regime was a mid morning fruit and a mid afternoon fruit with a piece of candy after nap time....ONE piece of candy. 


With many families working, food has become more and more something to grab on the run.  I implore you to sit down over this weekend and write up a menu for the week. Hang it on the fridge.   Shop from the menu.  You will save money and have less waste.  I have a ton of menu ideas if you need them and would be happy to post some if there is interest.


Don't let your children have free reign of the cupboards and fridge. No more snacking in front of the screen. Kids need to be getting some fresh air and exercise during the day with less TV and video games. 


If your child has a weight problem  TAKE HOLD OF IT!  You are the one who shops and feeds them.   It is proven that overweight children will be obese adults.  Help them now, while they are young, to learn how to eat correctly.  


Again I know I am not asking you to do something that is pleasant but it IS NECESSARY!  Your child will thank you in the future!


Blessings!
www.comeinandrest.com

Monday, April 25, 2011

A Mother's Plea ~ Part 2

I received a note from a friend who has a licensed day care in her home . 
After reading yesterdays blog she had some interesting things to say about some schooling she is just finishing for her daycare provider job.  Please see the following:


The teacher was saying: 
 "We don't want them to feel bad if they have done some thing wrong". No bad feelings. My instructor did not like a book that we love to read to our little guys called "NO, David" in the book David is made to stand in the corner because he hit a baseball while standing in the living room and broke a vase of flowers, (Just after his mother told him not to play ball in the house). The instructor said that she doesn't like that book because it made David feel bad and we should never make our children feel ashamed of them self. 
But this same gal who is the mother of five children,had told us a few weeks earlier that she guess she must owe Target around five hundred dollars for all the stuff her kids had broken over the years. She lets them play with stuff and if they open the package or break it "by accident" then she just puts it on the shelve and walks away. 
She also told us that when she was living in the  South she had a couple of her kids in Wal-Mart and a woman walked up to her and said, "if you don't beat that kid I will"! Now when she was telling this to our class she was pointing out how wrong and rude the people are in the South and how they still believe in spanking and the such. She did point out that children in the South are very polite". 


I just want to bring this to your attention if you indeed place your child/children in Day Care.  Whether it is a state run facility or privately owned, please do your job in the interview process.  You don't want your hard work to be blown away like smoke because the provider not only does not agree with you but lets the class in general run "amuck" when it comes to discipline.  This goes for babysitters as well.  Please make it clear to whomever you put in charge over your children how you would like situations to be handled.  This goes for school teachers etc.  I tried to always let the adult in charge know that I WANTED TO KNOW if there was anything that I needed to tend to.  We don't need to be afraid of this.  Children don't know until they are taught and they cannot be taught if we are not catching the behavior.  Try to get the people who care for your child all on the same page,  Sunday School teacher, school teachers, babysitters and neighborhood moms.   I guess it does take a "Village to rear a child!" 

Sunday, April 24, 2011

A mother's Plea

You have just come home from vacation...tired and discouraged.  You spent your time and hard earned money wanting to give your children the very best of a trip.  Oh, it was OK but little by little you saw that things began to be taken for granted.  The kids seemed to not be satisfied and just wanted more.  Pouting and grumbling were the noises coming from the back seat of the car. 


You, being tired as well,  have an overwhelming discouragement and feel like not only are your kids acting spoiled but you feel like you have failed miserably as well.
What to do?


First ....just get unpacked and get a good nights sleep. 
After a few days of  "back to normal",  schedule a time when you can sit together and talk about the situation that seemed so mountainous the day before, (maybe even at the dinner table). 


"Ricky and Beth,  I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes before you go to bed.  I've been thinking about our vacation and wondered what  some of your favorite times were.  Let's each share one or two things that we especially liked.   (share)
(BTW if the children had any spending money given to them from a relative/friend, this is a good time to teach them about thank you cards and/or a call  along with following through)


"You know kids...there were a few times that made me feel kind of bad as well.  Remember when you got so impatient waiting in the line and made the scene?  or.... when we were eating dinner and you just did not want to touch your meal and we ended up throwing it out?  or...the time that you both were fighting and did not want to go with me to see the show?"


Fill in the blank here parent...be specific and detailed.  Let the children/child know exactly how it looked and felt to you.  Teach them how to apologize.  Teach them how to be conscious of  gratefulness and saying thank you.  


Yup,it's just another one of our jobs.  When you are back to square one and you have made your point allow life to go on.  At dinner ask when they were able to say thank you that day.  Did they have to apologize at all or give forgiveness?  Watch situations that will pop up around you and use them for teaching and discussion.  


So when you decide to drive in to McDonalds for a surprise $1 ice cream cone and the kids just dig in and say nothing...you simply pull to the side of the parking lot,  turn around and quietly collect those cones and throw them away!  This is a cheap lesson that WILL make a big impact.  Yes, there may be some crying but you have no need to scream or get frustrated...it is all part of the teaching.  "Boys,  why do you think I just threw your cones away?  no..... no...... dont you remember the converstation we had the other night?  Well I was serious.  So be aware that there will be many tests in the days ahead and if you do not pass the test there will be consequences.
  Set up some situations off and on over the next days or weeks and I guarantee you they will learn "what's best for them"  Remember even Pavlov's dog was able to learn  that trick!


Blessings !

Thursday, April 21, 2011

De-feathering the Nest

The male and female eagle work to get the nest ready for their coming "egg-hatching",  just like a couple prepare  the nursery.
It is said that at the end of the rearing of this bird the "parents" begin to "de-feather" the nest.  They replace those downy feathers and grass with bones, pieces of glass and small rocks.
  
God did not intend for these grown up "babies" to stay in the nest.  It is natural for them to fly and they may put it off  if it's too comfortable.


Do you have older children living at home..... Do you have a written agreement?  Are they responsible to help with the bills, food etc?  Do they help with chores etc?  Do they treat you with RESPECT?
I understand totally that it is a tough time "out-there"  Times are lean and scary.  But that is no excuse for your  older child to not be a contributor to the household .  It is part of the child-rearing process.


Perhaps it's gotten "out of control"  Perhaps you feel like you are walking on egg-shells in your own home.  If so it is time to think it through  ( don't act too swiftly, you want to have thought out all your details) and  call a family meeting.   It may not be a comfortable thing to do but it NEEDS to be done. The parents must be a united front and if you are single it may be wise to have a family friend sit in on the meeting.   Write down your thoughts and wishes.  Make yourself absolutely clear.  Draw up an agreement that can be signed by the 2-3 of you.  


Just like it is not fun to potty train your child this process also is not always pleasant.  If you find yourself in this place, get some counsel and take back your space.  It's your turn!


Blessings!


By the way...  Are you HUGGING?  


On Marriage:
This was aired on Focus on the Family April 20.  Excellent.  Settle down with your honey and listen to this!  
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/popups/media_player.aspx?MediaId={B94309F1-0C75-4753-AC6D-E176FB9E8497}

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Hey! Chicken 3 ways ....at least!


Have you ever bought one of the rotisserie chickens at the grocery store?  They are SO yummy and quick.  Sometimes they can be found in the deli from the day before and at a cheaper cost.  If  I see one or two I buy it and put it in the freezer.    

WHAT'S FOR DINNER HONEY?

Place the chicken loosely wrapped in foil to let steam escape and reheat at 350 degrees for half an hour or so..depended on the size.  Serve with mashed potatoes, fresh carrots and rolls and you have a delicious dinner.   Remember a plate needs some color on it thus the carrots or sweet potatoes, squash or green beans.  Stove top stuffing mix would be a nice change as well.

After dinner take the biggest pieces of meat off and store for sandwiches and/or put the WHOLE leftover skin and carcass  (don't you love that word!) in a pot of water (chix must be covered with water) bring to a boil for about 10 mins.  Scoop everything out of the broth and place it on a cookie sheet where you will now pick thru the bones, skin etc while making a discard pile and a pile of meat.

1. You can  now freeze the broth and chix for later use   or
2.  Add the chix back to the broth**  add 1 Knorr chicken bouillon to each 2 cups of broth in pot (approx) slice up some celery (the leaves are great for this) a couple of bay leaves, sliced carrots, a hand full of rice or some diced up potatoes.  Some may even like to add pasta.. Experiment with dried or fresh parsley, poultry seasoning etc if you dare. Remember on a little to begin!   If you have green beans or corn left in the fridge you can add these as well.  Bring back to a slow boil covered  while the vegetables cook.  This is great with a sandwich, roll, crackers or in a coffee cup with the meal.
3.  if you have quite a bit of chicken left over  place it in a baking dish,  put some par-cooked broccoli (meaning partially cooked and drained WELL)  on top and then make a sauce of...1 can cream of mushroom soup, 1/3 can of milk, and a good chunk of Velveeta cheese cut up ...stir together and melt the cheese slowly pour over top! ( double the soup if you need more sauce) This is Chicken Divan ~ Tastes delicious, is easy and great for company!...serve with rice or potato another colored veg and cranberry sauce!


** I often place the pot of broth in the fridge or outside on a cold night so that the fat can come to the top.  I take it off easily with a spoon.  NEVER put this or any fat down the drain or you could have clogging problems.  Put it in the fridge to congeal  and then drop it in the trash . 

There you go you homemaker you!!
Blessings!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Sex in the Kitchen.....

Now most people think that it begins in the bedroom but I think that it is in the kitchen! 


Ask yourself this....Do your children know that you and your husband are in love?  Do they see hugs and kisses? Do they notice sweet words and endearing glances?  Do they see that playful tap as you walk by each other?  I remember a woman telling me about the conversation that she was able to have with her teenage daughter as she was washing her nightie in perfumed water, getting ready to go on a weekend get away.


I pray that there is not even a question in your child's mind as to the depth of relationship between you and your mate.  I realize that it goes without saying that there is much more to be considered along these lines...

Emotional attention:   Do your children see you console, listen to and comfort one another?  Do they only hear you say good things about each other ?
Do they see that you truly "prefer" one another over the rest of the world and all that it contains?
Do they see you as an united front?
Are you demonstrating how to disagree in a healthy way?


Believe me.... many things are seen, heard and learned in the kitchen.... 


and for you single parents..... They are learning from your singleness as well....every minute of every day.
How you deal with anger, fear, disappointment and relationships.  On the phone are you saying one thing and acting out another?  
Man ~oh ~ man   Lots more than food is cookin'  in the kitchen!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Look Down!

Years ago I was present in a Sunday morning service where the Pastor was preaching on finding the  Lord's  ministry for your life.  It was very moving and as I stood there I asked the Lord as to what that was for me.  I heard Him, in my spirit, say:  "Look down".  
Now my small children were all around me and that was not what I wanted to hear.  I spoke;  "No Lord, I know that, but I'm talking about my MINISTRY."   "Look down".  This took place 3-4 times ( it is obvious that I am a slow learner)  but.... MY CHILDREN???   Now that just did not sound glamorous at all!!  "Lord!  I do that day in and day out.....I'm talking about my MINISTRY!!"


Well, all these years later, one thing I have learned is......Your children ARE your ministry.  That 18 (plus or minus) year  commitment needs to be done as whole heartedly as any ministry that you feel may be calling your name. 
Be careful not to add too much more to your plate during these years.  
Truly there will be a day when you will be looking back and  you will not regret the time and effort that you spent pouring into your children...You will also be sure to see plenty of instances that you could have done better or differently.  But once it's done   It's done.   This can be good ....This can be bad...


So today dear one... ponder this ministry that the Lord has you involved in.  NO ONE can do your job.  You hold the keys to your child's heart...use them wisely and with purpose.  Each day needs to be used the best way possible as you will never have it back again!


Blessings!  

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Criticism

BE CAREFUL OF TOO MUCH CRITICISM.


This is an easy rut to fall into.  Life tends to be tedious and hard.  We easily lose our focus and patience.  Hours can go by without any word of praise but only words of correction and criticism coming out of our mouths.


Stop for a minute.  If you have ever worked for someone that never gave a word of praise you know what I am talking about.  
Now, because of our own hangups, it is not always easy to praise.  BUT  we must.  It is vitally important  It is like miracle grow to the character development of our children.   You cannot praise too much.  


Now I  am talking about authentic praise.  We are not trying to puff someone up or speak something that is not true.  We are talking about children doing their best.  Life, school and friends can all take turns in hammering on your child.  Be his or her cheerleader.  Tell him the words that he needs to hear.  Words that will spur him on to trying harder and doing better.


Your wife or husband will actually respond the same way to authentic praise.


Try it!!  Let's see what happens!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Media fast

HELP!!  our world has been taken over by  hand-held objects!


We, as well as our kids, are most likely hinged to some gadget.  Our phone, game, computer, IPad, GPS, clicker etc etc have all taken over a large part of most peoples lives and it's beginning at an earlier age all the time!
I'm asking that you declare a time of "media fasting"  by turning it off, putting it away and determining to loosen the grip it has on your life.
        Who holds the controls?  I'm thinking that just by reading this many of you have already thought up 3+ reasons as to why it would not be possible.  That is the first symptom!
        Pick a day this week and declare everything will be turned off between the hours of   _ am to_pm    Too radical?  Decide at all meals that the phones etc will be OFF during the entire meal.  No getting up and answering.   Decide that car time is NOT phone time....grocery shopping time is NOT phone time. 
        Make yourself aware of just how many hours a day are spent looking at your phone, computer or games.  
        You are the ONLY one who can take time back.  
 Spend time taking a walk with your husband, playing a game with your child and/or having tea with a friend.   You will be empowered! 


I DOUBLE DARE YOU


Blessings!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Who's the fairest one of all?


A blank slate has been delivered to you and you have the huge responsibility to write on it words that will last a lifetime. What your child sees in your eyes and actions is the foundation for how he/she will see him/herself throughout life... 


A grown person can still hear in their ears: 
"You'll never amount to anything.
You are so clumsy.
Why can't you be like so and so.
Guess you'll never be good in math.
Yah He's just like his father (this can be good or bad).
I don't know why God gave you such a squeaky voice.
Judy was a mistake." etc


What have you been writing?    What have your actions and words written on the foundation of your child's life?
  
Here's some good things to say:


Psalm 139:14 ,“I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 17"I am the apple of His eye.
Deuteronomy 7:6 "His treasured possession." 
I'm so glad that God gave me YOU!
He sees you as a person with worth, a person who will go far in life and accomplish much for Him. He has a plan and a destiny for all people. It is a plan for good, and not for evil. He has given gifts to each of us. God has planned much for you. He has given you a gift to develop and use for His glory. God thinks the world of you – so much so that He died for you. You are that important to Him. 


Listen to little Jessica as she affirms herself!  I'm very sure that she did not just come up with this attitude herself.  Someone has been her mirror and she has believed what she has seen and heard!
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg&NR=1&feature=fvwp


Just know it is never too late to turn things around.  Being an avid gardener I have had to dig up "established" beds that were rooted very deeply.  It was A LOT of work....but not impossible. If you have mirrored bad images ...start fresh.  If you need to apologize do. Regardless begin today to intentionally mirror to your child how the Lord sees them and  let them know they are loved and are valued.


Ps I realize it is hard for parents with erroneous self image to speak positive images into a child.  If this is you find someone that you can talk this out with and get back on the road to emotional health and wellness.
www.comeinandrest.com

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Marnie's Parenting Blog

THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR JELLO!


2-1/2 cups boiling water (Do not add cold water.)
2 packages (8-serving size each) JELL-O Brand Gelatin, any flavor
STIR boiling water into dry gelatin mix in large bowl at least 3 minutes until completely dissolved. Pour into 13x9-inch pan.
REFRIGERATE at least 3 hours or until firm





Jello is a good treat.  Inexpensive to make and loved by everyone.  Your school age child can learn to make these.
Just be careful with the boiling water.

A favorite of ours is:

Waldorf  Wheel

2 small strawberry jello's
2 cps boiling water
1+1/2 cold water
 mix and chill till thick

Fold in    
2 medium apples diced
1/2 cup diced celery
1/4 cup chop walnuts
                        pour into  pan  or 6 cup mold
serve topped with
            2 8oz lemon yogurt
            1T brown sugar
            1/2 tsp cinnamon    (this makes enough topping for a doubled  jello recipe)











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Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Morning Habits

Even today I am prone to the same daily habits that I have had for years.   I know as a busy woman there is a good chance that once I leave my bathroom I will potentially not return for the rest of the day. 

It is best when these "habits" are taught early and consistently.
In our home I would wake the kids  up and get them eating breakfast.  We would then go and get dressed and they would meet me in their bathroom (when they were young) where I would assist them with combing and  fixing hair (braiding, ponytails etc), washing faces and brushing teeth.  
I always liked to see my children's faces.  Thus their hair was short enough so that I could see their eyes and I would take the time to make them "presentable". I tried to have haircuts that were easily manageable. 

I don't believe that these habits tend to come naturally.  Today when you often see grown women in their pj pants in Walmart, looking like they just got out of bed I think that it is time to address once again the topic of being "presentable".

As the child grows a chart comes in handy as a reminder as to what needs to be done.  Isn't it amazing that a child will wet his toothbrush and not bother to brush his teeth!  (this will be handled in another blog :))  Teach them to make their beds early.  A small child can pull a blanket up.  It's all a part of learning.  Picking up the dirty clothes and putting the shoes away are all habits.
An important habit for me is having my children leave a room as they found it.  I ask that they do not leave dishes, guitars, food etc behind. 
We all know the saying  "Many hands make light work"  Well it's true.  Husbands and wives should work together on this. 
So whether you are just starting out or things have gotten out of control and there needs to be a family meeting....I suggest beginning the day with your daily habits that will (in my opinion) make the day go smoother .

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Ingraining an Attitude of Gratitude

Have you ever realized how whining and complaining can just wear you down?  This behavior can either make or break a day.
I am a firm believer that you can break a whiner and you can instill gratitude with intentional practice.


The old saying that the "apple does not fall far from the tree" is quite accurate.
Are you a grateful person?


My mom is a woman who is often speaking thanksgiving and blessing and because it was ingrained in me at a young age I feel like I have the much the same attitude.  I saw it day in and out.  I heard it daily.  It was a natural thing.


www.cumchb.org/sermons/2009/090426_sermon.doc

You will find the above story interesting.  It tells of a man who puts a bracelet on in an attempt to keep it on the same wrist for 21 days straight.  If he complained he would have to switch wrists and start counting all over again. 
You could use any latex bracelet and write on it with a marker if you wanted.

You know what?  I think that it is worth a try!  Go get a bracelet for each member of the family and see what happens.  Yes it will be work...Yes it will take time to break a habit.  Yes you will do all those around you  a huge  favor if you are able to get your whining and complaining under control.

It simply draws our attention to something we don't even notice anymore.  
Come on !  Let's try it!
Ice cream sundae for the winner!!

Blessings!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My Very Bad Day ~

One day, years ago, one of my sons (maybe around 10 years old) got up not feel well and we decided that he would stay home from school. Now mind you this did not easily fit in with my plans. Being a mom who tended to run a "tight ship" I did not like situations that were not "planned for" (believe me when I tell you that 12 children eventually BEAT that out of me) I sent him upstairs to go back to bed and continued on with the smaller children around me.


As I remember about lunch time he came down stairs and told me he was feeling better.
WHAT?! FEELING BETTER?!
I was just getting ready to put the little ones in for their naps and now this?! Well let's just say I did not take this "good news" very well. It was not fitting in with my plan. I was going to have an hour or 2 to have some quiet and now I had someone who was going to be "in the way".

(UGH This is making me nauseous just writing it !)

I was at the sink and I began (loudly)..."You're feeling better???? What was this a ploy to just stay out of school? Well, perhaps you should do some chores for me now that you are well...." (does this sound like a scene from Mommy Dearest?) All the while that my mouth was yapping I sensed a quiet urging in my spirit to stop...Did I? No I was on a roll....

and then ...God is His infinite mercy (to me and my son) gripped me.

My son had gone to his room when I called him back downstairs. When he got back to the kitchen I asked him to please go back out of the room and then come back again and say the first words that he had said in the beginning. "Mom, I'm feeling better"

Now the poor child, I'm sure, was thinking that this was some satanic ritual that I wanted to subject him to again and as he looked at me sheepishly puzzled I said "please just do as I say".

I'm sure, not wanting to be subjected to any further wrath, he silently went out of the room only to come back as I had asked him to.
"Mom, I'm feeling better." I sensed a cower.

" Son", I said, "You are ?! You re really feeling better? Oh that is wonderful news! Thank the Lord." "Let me put the babies in for their naps and we will have some lunch and spend some time together. ..maybe some cards or a board game."

He stared at me as if I had lost my mind and I proceeded to hug him and repent. "I'm so sorry for how I reacted to you. I have NO excuse....Will you please forgive me" Again ,I'm so sorry"

Is there any wonder that it is a miracle that any of our children grow up to be good responsible human beings? (Perhaps I should just say "my children")

If you ever find that you have "gone off the deep end", have spoken unkind and harsh words, have punished too quickly, have reacted rather than responded ~ Repent. Ask for forgiveness. Our children seem to forgive so quickly and easily.
It's God's Grace ~ "His strength is made perfect in our weakness". 2 Corinthians 12:9

I am humbled that He has such patience with me.
Blessings!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Family Split

I sincerely hate to even write about this as it seems to just document once more the serious decline of the American Family. 


For a number of years I worked in a family law office.  I heard and saw many things as my eyes were opened to what was going on in the world around me. 


Too often I saw children being swallowed up in the divorce procedure.  They were used like pawns as wounded and bleeding parents postured themselves for the next battle. ( most never realizing or admitting that they were involving their children at all)


YOU MUST NOT DO THIS.   


It is best overall if you determine to  keep quiet about your estranged spouse.  Prying information out of your children as to what is going on "in the other camp" not only will cause great confusion and hurt in the child but will do the same for you as well.  


I'm begging you here.  Please do not talk about your spouse with your children.  If you constantly bad-mouth and degrade him/her in front of your child you will promote bitterness and confusion that can very well backfire.  Believe me, your spouse will show him or herself over time without you saying anything.  


I understand that too often the other side may be able to be the "Santa Clause"  who is always able to spend money and do things that the one left behind cannot possibly compare with.  This can be very hurtful as you are just trying to keep the ship afloat while holding the family on a somewhat normal schedule.  Then the weekend comes and it's dining out, movies, bowling, skiing, Chucky Cheese etc etc etc.  It seems so unfair  But believe me when I tell you that the four wall of home are so important.  Established rules, habits and traditions will stand long after trips to the mall have faded. 


Please determine to protect your children during this very difficult time.  They will suffer enough as it is.  Continue to encourage respect, obedience etc towards the other parent. Take the high road. Honestly, I DO realize how difficult this is when one is  parenting wounded, but please for the sake and emotional health of the child protect their innocence.


Blessings!