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Monday, March 31, 2008

April fools day

April Fool's Day
(April 1)
In sixteenth-century France, the start of the new year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the new year fell on January first. There were some people, however, who hadn't heard or didn't believe the change in the date, so they continued to celebrate New Year's Day on April first. Others played tricks on them and called them "April fools." They sent them on a "fool's errand" or tried to make them believe that something false was true. In France today, April first is called "Poisson d'Avril." French children fool their friends by taping a paper fish to their friends' backs. When the "young fool" discovers this trick, the prankster yells "Poisson d’Avril!" (April Fish!)

Today Americans play small tricks on friends and strangers alike on the first of April. One common trick on April Fool's Day, or All Fool's Day, is pointing down to a friend's shoe and saying, "Your shoelace is untied." Teachers in the nineteenth century used to say to pupils, "Look! A flock of geese!" and point up. School children might tell a classmate that school has been canceled. Whatever the trick, if the innocent victim falls for the joke the prankster yells, "April Fool! "

The "fools' errands" we play on people are practical jokes. Putting salt in the sugar bowl for the next person is not a nice trick to play on a stranger. College students set their clocks an hour behind, so their roommates show up to the wrong class - or not at all. Some practical jokes are kept up the whole day before the victim realizes what day it is. Most April Fool jokes are in good fun and not meant to harm anyone. The most clever April Fool joke is the one where everyone laughs, especially the person upon whom the joke is played.

"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "
- American humorist Mark Twain

Ok Parents Lets have a little fun...put on your thinking caps and do something different...surprize or trick the kids. Make sure they will think it is funny and not be scared by your prank.

One year when the children were all home. I called everyone to dinner. The table was set as usual except there were 4 boxes of ice cream on the table. Every place setting was a bowl and spoon. The kids got a big boot out of that and as we were finishing a "smart guy" asked if he could have seconds....."Why certainly"' was the reply ...because there are always seconds allowed at meal time. After they had had their fill,one little one said, smile on his face..."what's for dessert?"
I cleared the table and out came the boxes of pizza that we had being kept warm in the oven....fun, and a day and dinner that will not be fast forgotten!

Have fun and be creative!
Blessings
Marnie
PS have them leave for school in the morning knowing that they would be going to the dentist mid afternoon then call the school and have them dismissed for the DRs appointment and go to Friendlies in stead.... you get the idea!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

here kitty kitty kitty

Pets. Our furry friends.

Now we all know that there are people who LOVE animals. They are happy with a dog licking their face, sleeping in their beds and laying on all the furniture.

Then there are people like me.
Now with 12 kids we have had our share of bunnies, cats, fish, lizards, squirrels, baby birds etc. We have a cat now that is totally part of the family. But, to tell you the truth, I see pets as a hugh job, expense and responsibility.

So saying that, having pets, I believe, needs to be a family decision. The care and welfare of the animal is a family responsibility. How many parents have I talked to in the past who "gave in" to having a puppy only to be owning the FULL RESPONSIBILITY themselves. The walking, grooming, feeding and cleaning up after fell completely on them. Not to mention the cost.

I believe that children can learn a great deal from having a pet. We all know that the cuteness of the puppy and the newness of the iguana wears off in a short time. But yet the animal still has the same needs. I grew up on a farm where I watched my dad milk cows and care for other barnyard animals, day in and day out. The work did not stop on Sunday, holidays or when the wind chill was below 0 degrees. If he were sick,(which I have no recall of ever happening) they still needed to eat and be cared for.

Involve your children in the upkeep of the family animal. Teach them to walk, groom and pick up after the household pet. It is only fair, and not only fair, but a lesson in responsibility. I knew a family at one time who would go get a kitten, keep it for as long as it was cute and then take it back! This is wrong. If the care has gotten lopsided pull back and give everyone a job.

Again the decision to get a pet needs to be talked about by the whole family.

There have been times that I have been BEGGED, cajoled and made to feel guilty because I would not get the children a dog. But after the issue died down I could see clearly (as well as the child,if they would admit it) that it was the best decision. Sports, jobs, vacations and life in general have a way of borrowing the time that belongs to the animal.
Pets need to be loved and cared for daily. They need a sitter when you go away. They can be a hugh expense. And if you and yours have counted the cost..and have a houseful then more power to you!

I fully realize that a pet can be a companion that keeps loneliness and despondency at bay. They have their place.

So to all of us....Have all the pets you can handle.....(can handle....get it) We can all live happily together ...but as for me and mine there will be no dogs in the house.
(no letters please :):))

Monday, March 24, 2008

Dining Out

It's Saturday nite. Date nite. You are celebrating the weekend. You arrive at a nice restaurant and are seated, anticipating a leisurely evening. Just as you take that first nibble of the delectible appetizer, the waitstaff seat a mother, father and 3 small children at the next table.
You try to believe that it is not going to make a difference. But in no time the atmosphere has been shattered.**

When I am dining out with my children, it is most likely a treat. We are celebrating something. When the children were small my husband and I would sometimes surprize them with a meal out. Now I'm talking Bickfords or Denny's. It was a real treat when that happened!

We would clean everyone up and pile into the van. This was no small outing and many wide eyed stares came our way as we paraded all 8,10 or 14 of us into the dining area.

The preparation for that outing went much further than clean clothes and a washed face. We talked AHEAD OF TIME about what we expected from them in the restaurant. We let them know other people were going to be there to have a quiet dinner. We made it clear that there would be no fighting or fooling around. They knew what they would be allowed to order. The perimeters were set. Boundaries given. Questions answered.

Sometimes I sit and wonder as I watch the food fly; Why didn't they get a sitter? Did they come for a quality meal only to have most of it fall on the floor?

In many instances I am sure that the child would have fared much better staying at home where he could eat his own fare and get to bed at a decent time.

** there are places that are great for children;
fast food restaurants McDonalds have playgrounds in many areas
Friendly's
Texas Road House
Denny's
Bickfords
Pancake Houses
Chuckie Cheese

Prepare ahead of time. Pack a small bag of things to keep the children occupied, maybe even some crackers to tide them over. Please be conscious of the parties around you. Perhaps you could even ask if there is an area where you would least likely bother anyone.

Have fun!!
Blessings
Marnie

Thursday, March 20, 2008

THE TRUST ISSUE

Trust begins to develope at a very early age. I am talking about being able to trust your child.

Trust takes a long time to build. It builds block by block, instance by instance, wise decision upon wise decision.

In the early years children can't be trusted. They just don't know and they are too young to know. When you are visiting a friend or relative it is YOUR responsibility to know what your 1-5 year old is doing at ALL times. Even if there are other kids in the house or they're with Dad upstairs, Mom you best be checking in. Someone's makeup might be getting ruined, nailpolish spilled, precious things getting messed up all because a small child is left on their own. Parents it IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. (and if something gets ruined or broken you really should take responsibility)

As the child gets a little older (5ish-8ish) you should be able to leave Sarah with Judy playing Barbies in their room or Johnny and Sam playing in the sand box. It is still wise to check in every once in a while but longer periods of time can be taken.

As the children get yet older and hopefully wiser (not sneakier) opportunities for overnights, visiting away from home, etc begin to present themselves. Go at it slow and in small chunks. Scope the situation first and make sure you know all the details. We need to loosen the apronstings slowly. It is MUCH harder to tie them back again once they have come undone.

Those situations through which trust is built are like dominos stacked one by one beside each other and unfortunatly it only takes one toppling to knock down the whole row! When the children are small the rows are short and knock down often. As the kids get older the rows are longer and the fall is more devastating. It is very hard to start all over again.

As you build these trust levels, keep the channels of communication open. Communication skills are a vital part of maturing and go hand in hand with trust. The child needs to earn your trust and part of that is by being willing to dialog with you and not getting irritated that you are asking too many questions.
Again, Remember You ARE THE PARENT. You will never get these days back again so take it slow and easy.
There is no rush and theres nothing much sweeter than the realization that you can trust your child.
Blessings,
Marnie

Monday, March 17, 2008

Tattle tales

Ok Let's put this one on the table and see how to think.

Tattle-tale in Websters " to talk idly, chatter, gossip, to reveal someone's secrets, to inform against someone."

It can be good and it can be bad.

When good the "tattler" is letting you know something is going on that you need to know.
When bad the "tattler" is letting you know everything and even more.

But then again is the good tattler a tattler? or is that just an oxymoron? Sometimes it's just a good kid watching out and letting you know when something is going awry.

If you are having a problem with a tattler....I think, as we have talked so many other times, it comes down to communication and teaching.

When Jared, from next door, is visiting and over and over again comes to tell you that your son is out of line....

When your oldest son runs in the door first from school to share the juicy tidbit about his sibling...

When "miss goodie two shoes" is trying to get all the brownie points she can...

It's time for a lesson.

Too often we wait till the point of no return and then we blow...send kids home...to bed... punish.

WAIT

Sit them all down and talk it out. Tell them the problem and the consequences for it.

"Jared and Tommy come here. Ok this needs to stop. Tommy if you are doing things that you are not supposed to it needs to stop right now. Jared any more tatteling and I am going to send you home. Do you both understand?" Keep an eye on them and before they are allowed together again to play remind them of the rules.

"Whoa Steven,why are you telling me about Sammy? Stop right now. This is not your business to tell. Sammy, so tell me what went on at school today." Now if Steven is quite a bit older than his brother you may want to speak to him later about the situation as he may be privy to more information. But be sure to explain that you do not need him to tattle but to keep his ears open as an older brother.

"Katie, I appreciate you reporting to me that Janis is using too much of the finger paints. I am watching over everything and I will take care of it all. I know that the boys left their seats..you just go and finish your project." Just keep pulling her back to her job and if need be have a quiet one on one about the whole issue so that you know she really understands what you are talking about.

Again repeat after me. I am the adult. I am the adult. Take it into hand and teach these life lessons.
Blessings!
Marnie

Sunday, March 16, 2008

WAIT till your father gets home!

Don't say it.
It does nothing except get a child to dread his fathers arrival from work.

Deal with the problem when it happens! Don't ignor it or pass it to the next guy. Think it through and decide what to do. If you're not sure call someone. There IS time. Many of our mistakes happen because we jump too fast or we don't move at all. Don't make rash threats,empty promises, screaming warnings. Not only do they not work they do the job of desensitizing your children to what you say.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.

If there are outstanding problems that you are facing over and over again....talk to your husband and come up with a plan of action. If you can't come up with one, call or write me perhaps I can help.

It is good to be prepared ahead of time. "Honey, what are we going to do? Kelly keeps pinching the baby, getting up over and over again when we put her to bed, throwing her food everywhere, fighting with the neighbor. etc" You get the picture. Think it through....and come up with a plan of action...and then FOLLOW IT THROUGH!

You'll be glad you did. You will not be acting out of control but will be firm and decisive in your discipline. Your child will get the message and


Your husband will not dread coming home!

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Child labor

Yes I do believe in it!!

It will not kill or mame a child to do chores...to labor.
In fact it will be good for him.

Children can be of help starting at a young age.
They can fetch things for us, put stuff in the trash, pick up their toys etc.

When they get a little older they should learn what dust looks like and how to deal with it, how to vacume, make their beds, pick up a room, clean the bathroom, do their laundry, empty and load the dishwasher, clean the kitchen, mow the grass, I could go on and on.

Now be aware that children do not come with these skills already programed into them. Dont become frustrated when they do not know how to do what you are asking. Even though they may have seen you do it a thousand time, you need to intentionally teach your child how to do the things you want done. It should be explained and shown once or twice and then overseen the next couple of times.
Like many things the quality of the job may decline and that is when you pull in the reins and make them do it over until it's done correctly.

THIS IS NOT MEAN.
This is training.

Our children need to learn to pitch in. They should do a chore without complaining. They should actually do a job without being asked wow do you honestly think that is possible??

For children who are whining and bored, or just balking at doing a job well done...a job jar works well. Sit down and write a bunch of jobs on pieces of paper and put them in a jar....when there is "nothing to do" when the child just can't seem to behave and stop bugging his siblings, when a job is not done up to standard....that is a good time to pick ANOTHER job from the jar.

some good jobs:
clean out the toy box
clean out draws
clean under the bed
clean under the furniture
vacume the furniture
dust
clean and dust books in the bookcase
wash mirrors
take down cobwebs in the cellar
sweep the walkway
rake
weed
scrub the tub
take out trash
wash all the trash/waste baskets
clean out the silverware drawer
organize the closet
wipe out the fridge
sweep the garage
wash the car
vac the car
wash the woodwork
I think that you get the picture. What would help YOU out? Remember our forefathers HAD children to help them eek out a living.
You've heard me say on many occasions that children need to be trained. Well this is part of the training. Let your children fix dinner one night.

It will be good for them. Dont treat it like a punishment but rather that they are old enough to help. Bring them up on a stool to wash plastic cups, let them help fold the laundry.

Every once in a while, unexpectedly, reward a job well done. It speaks louder than words.
Tonite I had a ladies meeting at the house. As it was winding down I noticed my daughter come into the kitchen and begin to fill the dishwasher. THEN she started it. THEN she began to wash the rest of the dishes in the sink BY HAND. THEN she wiped those dishes and put them away. She cleared off the table and counters and then came in and sat down with me. NOW THAT WAS SUCH A BLESSING TO A MOTHERS HEART!
GOOD JOB KENDALL AND THANK YOU!
Blessings
Marnie

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Grandparents

I have a few leftover thoughts from the thank you blog.

I got thinking about grandparents in particular. (You can also insert aunts, uncles or anyone that is close to you)

Grandparents LOVE to get thank yous. They LOVE to get cards or calls...anytime... or all the time... from anyone!!!

Grandparents usually have some time on their hands especially when they are over 70 ish (I am trying to be careful here as I am 55 with 9 grandchildren)

I think it is rough to grow old...I have been watching it first hand and I see a person who has worked their whole life, someone who has made it happen, the one who brought home the bacon now sitting on the side lines and many times even made to feel like they never really even played the game. Ugh I dont even like typing this.

What can we do?

Grandparents can be invited to the activities that the family members are involved in...soccer practice music recitals games debates plays etc
Grandparents can be asked their opinions.
Grandparents can read to little ones or listen to them read.
They can play scrabble, Uno and checkers.
Grandparents have a wealth of wisdom and life under their belts.
I watched 4 generations out for breakfast the other day and the oldest woman ate totally in silence as her daughter and granddaughter talked non stop (the baby was in the carseat). She was totally left out of the conversation. It made me sad...
I can see how it happens....many times they will not speak up or perhaps they have not been able to "hear" the conversation so they don't join in. It is up to us to involve them.

We MUST remember that we will ALL be there sometime, Lord willing. How are our children going to respond to our forgetfulness, slowness and lack of ability in various areas? Well I think it is best if we can teach from example. I am not great at it but I am trying.

One place that has been difficult is dealing with the reality of it all. Sometimes we just want to live in that state called Denial. It's not happening...if I don't call or visit I won't know and thus its not happening.

Well I need to go and write some thank yous.. AND call my mom!!!

Blessings on you all!
Marnie

#40 Mercie Beaucoup

Hey did I spell that right???

You know THANK YOU.

Remember that word? Well it is both a noun and a verb.
A while back I wrote about the "creeping crud" and I guess this falls within that category.

Granted, I was brought up "old school" whatever that means..
But I think Thank yous are important.

It begins young in the highchair.."Seth give me the ball. Thank you Seth .. now what do you say???"

On into toddlerhood "Here's your icecream Kyle. What do you say?"

Then we hit preschool and school age. "Your teacher gave you that? Did you say thank you?" "When you eat over at Sarah's house be sure you say thank you"

After a birthday,Christmas or when you are the recipient of a special gift, a written thank you is a very nice gesture. The "giver" has put time and effort into the gift... even if it's a "bill" its a bill that could have stayed in the persons pocket!
Children can color a picture, write a short note and hand it to the person when they see them next or just drop it in the mail.

The dinner at a wedding is NOT the thank you. The cake at a birthday party is NOT the thank you.
One of my daughters is very intentional when her little ones are opening gifts. It is one gift at a time unwrapped...oohs and aahs and then the child goes to the person in the room and thanks them and gives them a hug and kiss. Nice touch. If the person is not there the child could even call them and say it.

Ignorance is ignoring the thank you. Strong words I know but that is how I feel. A gift is a gift no matter how small...someone thought of you...

Websters: thank verb to show or express appreciation or gratitude

thankless not feeling or expressing thanks ungrateful

ouch!

Its our job to teach them the "way in which they should go"
and part of that is by example!
need ideas? go to http://www.thank-you-note-samples.com/

Blessings
Marnie

#39 tents

Do you know what is really alot of fun? Making a tent.

Tents are great! All you need is a sheet/blanket/spread a table, a couple of chairs or a bunkbed. We would drape the sheets over the dining table and Voila! We had a tent. Books work good at keeping the fabric from slipping. We would also tuck the sheet under the top bunk and let it fall down the side of the bed creating a tent underneath!

So when things are getting down and dirty....
when there is too much whine ...
when patience is running thin....
Say "Hey Kids I know let's make a tent!!"
Make a little popcorn or perhaps some cut up apples or even triangles of cinnamon toast and slip the tray under the side...cuddle up on all the pillows and read a book by flashlight. Tell stories... make a summer wish list Come on you can think of something...get the kids playing and then go make dinner!

Hey its tent making time! I think that this would even work for teenagers HA HA wouldn't they get a hoot out of that! Tonite supper is served under the dining room table instead of on top!

FUN FUN FUN
Blessings

Marnie