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Thursday, March 31, 2011

April showers bring May flowers

HAPPY SPRING!

 A very important investment in the care of your home are rugs and/or mats for the inside of each doorway.  Both sides is even better.  These mats will catch alot of dirt that will not make its way into your home.


The entrance to your home is very important.   First impressions ARE lasting impressions for sure.  Go out in the street or driveway and take a good hard look at the front of your home.   The snow likely has left a mess that needs to be raked up.  Pick up all the trash, leaves, sleds etc etc and put it all in the appropriate places.
Does the front door need repair or paint?  Are the bricks loose on the steps, the railing sturdy?  This is more important than you think.  Buy a pot of pansies and put them on the corner of the steps.  Make sure there is outside lighting for the walkway. This makeover does not have to be costly just neat and cared for. 


Take this month of April and spring clean your home before the warm weather calls you outside to family fun with friends. Take a walk through the house with a pad of paper and pen.  Jot down any and all things that you need to tend to.  Don't  write deep clean living room, write  : wash windows inside and out, wash and put back curtains, wash all woodwork,   pull out furniture and clean (under cushions too) . You will be able to make lots of checks as you finish each part.   This  is a motivator.  
Don't get discouraged you have the whole month.  Mr Clean scrubbing sponges,  glass cleaner,  Murphy's oil soap or the like, damp mop, dust cloths, rags, paper towels, a good mop and broom  are all good supplies to have on hand.  I also like Scrubbing bubbles (or the like) when I clean throughout the house.  Damp wipe the walls and woodwork  Start high and work down.  Remember the lights.


You most likely have worked hard for the things that you have.  Take good care of your investment and steward the goods that the Lord has given you.  Don't be afraid to give away what you are not using.  When you buy something make sure something leaves the house.  Don't hoard and take thought before you buy things.   The scripture reminds us that we are just passing thru so be careful not to pound your tent pegs too deep.  This is not our "home"  and remember we already have more than 95% of the whole country.  The things your parents have took a whole life time to acquire.  Go slow.  Our possessions tend to own us.

One day at a time!
Blessings

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

It's not just a walk...

Years ago when the children were young a little muffin shoppe opened about a 3/4 of a mile from our home.  They sold Texas Sized Muffins and for one summer/fall season on Saturday morning early, one child would have their turn to walk to the muffin shoppe with Mom for a treat.  We would walk, talk, arrive, order our muffin and hot chocolate, eat, talk, laugh, and walk back home.  It was special.  It was YOUR TURN. 


And you know what?  It WAS a treat!


In a day and age where there is so little left that is special, I urge you to think twice before you indulge your children (or yourself for that matter) with every whim and desire. 
Make an ice cream cone a treat,  a walk with Mom special, a date with Dad something to look forward to. 
These times do not have to happen every week (unless you are splitting your time up among multiple children)  but they SHOULD be scheduled.  Plan ahead. 


No money?  Single?  No babysitter?  Let one child stay up a little later to share popcorn and a story just for them.  Don't get sucked into "It's not fair"   The other child/children will get there turn and you know what?  It's good to learn to WAIT. 


Ask God for creative ideas.  Read some good children's magazines and continue to follow this blog for more tips and ideas to help you to stay focused and steady on this parenting journey.


You are IT in these little ones' eyes.  NO ONE compares to you.  You are being watched and you WILL BE emulated.  Take a good look and be what you want them to be!


You're doing great!

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Seven and a Half Pound Change

It never fails to put a smile on my face when I hear a pregnant couple say,"Oh, this baby is not going to change our lives.  We are planning to just carry on as we always have."

Dream.

This "bundle of joy",little dimpled package from the stork, tiny blemish-free, little babe, so sweet, so innocent, is so ALL CONSUMING!.
  Have you ever seen so much STUFF needed to take care of and entertain the smallest of people?  The designer clothes, the best furniture, the most elaborate toys all needed to "survive".

I watched the documentary/movie called "Babies" a few weeks back.  It was quite entertaining and actually had the ability to bring one back to reality when it comes to child-rearing.

Dads, Moms, you don't need all the stuff.  There is truly NO NEED to go into debt because a baby is coming on the scene.   We all know that second-hand baby items are EVERYWHERE!  

WHAT you say???? Let some USED clothing touch my NEW baby? 
Have you ever heard of a washing machine?

Now,I really don't want to start a brawl here but I would like to just take a little pressure off the new family.  My first baby slept in a bureau draw when I went to visit my mom and dad.  We also used a wicker basket.  I have to admit I loved the swing, playpen,umbrella stroller and the jolly jumper but the kitchen sink seemed to do just fine for giving those first baths.

One thing that we know for sure is the baby will never remember.   I will heartily agree that some new things are wonderful (especially for the first one) but honestly when I see the  hand-me-downs that my daughters have acquired from friends and family (and yard sales), I can only praise God for the wonderful AND like-new provision!

Think ahead...believe me there will be plenty of opportunities to spend as that little one begins to grow....college being one....

I just pray that when the "shock" wears off of how much that little bundle has changed your life that you will not also find yourselves to be thousands of dollars in debt in the process. 

Act wisely young parents.  Don't be pressured into  buying things that you don't need.  Ask different families, your parents or peers and find out what they thought were the most needed items and then wait  to see if you can make do even without some of those.

I wonder what your grandmother would say?

Blessings!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Help Wanted!

I remember so well sitting around that BIG dining room table, homeschooling 7 children with 5 more around my feet.   Whoa!!  Those were the days !

I had a brainstorm one day and while out doing errands I decided to stop at the hardware store and pick up a couple of signs.   You know those plastic ones ..... Anyway.  I bought one that had one BIG word on it
                                                                        
                                                            DANGER

I decided that it was only fair to warn my family when I was having a particularly hard,emotional, or stressed out day.   I explained to them, as I clipped  it on the fridge,  that when they would see that sign  that it was best to just give me some S P A C E!.  Fair warning.

Sometimes we just think people should know.....Well they don't    I don't know any mind-readers personally.
So take this as just a little heads up suggesting that you be sure to communicate with your children and husband etc. when you are needing a little extra "something".

PS  I also got a sign that said "HELP WANTED" to stick in the window when my husband was on his way home.....I'm not sure if he thought that was a good idea or not :)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Start Your Day the Night Before....

It's a busy day.  There's a doctor's appointment at 9, then a trip  to the grocery store.  After that, it is home to put away  the groceries , lunch with the kids and then naps. 
On the busiest of days do you ever notice that things just go haywire.  When you can least afford it the car keys are missing, the babies shoes are nowhere to be found and you have misplaced the prescription.   Ugh!

Before you  go  to bed at night do an overview of the coming day (in your head or on paper).  Map it out, make your lists, put the library books on the table along with the grocery list, dry cleaning and car keys.   Have the children's clothes picked out with shoes and socks present.   Speak to your husband to see if he needs you to do anything for him.

Your morning/day will go so much better!/  The kids will notice the lack of stress and your assurance will follow you  throughout the day.  Take charge...don't be caught unprepared.  Your time is much too precious to waste!

Blessings! 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Now is the hour!

I remember the day that my son was leaving for his first apartment with friends.  Bags packed and hugging at the door, I felt this overwhelming urge to grab him and say "But I'm not done yet!"

While it's true that you are your children's parent for life, once they have moved out the roll takes on a totally different look. 
So now is the time. 

Train them.  Teach them.  Use daily situations  as lessons.  Car rides and  walks in Walmart can be educational as you study other people and their "ways".  Talk about stealing and respect and kindness, gratitude, the older generation and babies. 

Be intentional.  Get good books to read and reread to your children.  Think about a topic to bring up at the supper table. Let the children come up with a topic to talk about. With practice it will become more natural. 

This is the time to teach skills as well.  Sorting clothes for the washing machine, taking out the trash and cleaning up after the pet are all things that the young child can do.  Start early with picking up the blocks etc.  teaching them to pick up before taking anymore toys out. 
I know that it is hard to believe BUT the time actually DOES come and you will not have another chance to fill in the blanks.

Blessings

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Unpack Your Bags!

Years ago I had a nightmare.  I woke up 3-4 times in one night crying and very upset.  My husband woke and talked with me and prayed with me but everytime I would close my eyes again~I was right back in the "scene"


The dream:


I was inside the house with a bunch of little children around me.  My husband was out in the driveway standing by a car, talking and laughing with a bunch of buddies.  I went to the window and asked if he would please come in and help me.  He looked over at me and said,  "Yah, I'll be in in a while"


I was furious.  I felt he did not understand my feelings and did not care about all I had to do.  I reached down under my bed and pulled out my suitcase, threw it on the bed and started to put my clothes in it.
I remember my children all around me saying, "Mommy, where are we going?"  I knew in my heart WE were not going anywhere and as I saw their little faces, their questioning eyes and innocent query it would bring me to tears (as I knew I was just planning to run away) 


 This is when I would wake up.
After 3-4 times of waking up crying and then falling back asleep only to go back to those "faces", I sat up in bed and said "Lord!  I have GOT to get some sleep!!  Please help me get rid of this dream and doze off"


I quietly heard Him say to me.."Unpack your bags"


So interesting.  Even in a dream the Lord was teaching me that there is a better way to do things, to respond, to care for my family. 


I fell back asleep, found myself surrounded by questioning children, and unpacked my bag.  I put the clothes away, put the case back under my bed and that was the end of the whole thing.


Isn't that interesting?!


I wonder~ Is the Lord trying to tell you something today?  Is your situation stagnant because you are not choosing His ways?  Why don't you just "unpack your bags" and see how things might change!


Blessings

Monday, March 21, 2011

How to Eat an Elephant

....one bite at a time.

I remember those days:  27 loads of laundry a week, 13 beds to strip and make,  3 army-sized meals a day.  Seems like a dream...or should I say nightmare!
Look around.... are you overwhelmed?  Is the kitchen a mess?   Laundry multiplying?   Cupboards bare? 

In the realm of parenting it does not take much to fall behind.  A sick child,  a visit from a friend or family, a holiday, just about anything can upset the apple cart.
All of a sudden, without warning, you look around and your house looks like a battle field.  I have shared before about how I would plead with God, from my bedroom, not to make me "go out there".   

 The words that HE gave me to walk by at that time were  "JUST START."
That was something that I could do. 

Don't get overwhelmed.  Keep your focus.
When the children were little I would sometimes call out colors of things to pick up in order to focus the children.  I tried to give small and concise chores that could be done in a short amount of time. 
"Go pick up the yard." and  "Clean your room"  are often just too broad for a child, never mind an adult, to get their heads around.. 
They need a boundary.   "John, go in and pick up all your clothes from the floor and put them onto  your bed.  Now put all the books away.  Match all your shoes and put them in your closet. etc etc"  You get the idea.
This works on every area.    The garage a mess?  Start with taking out all the trash and cleaning off the work bench.  The laundry room a wreck?  Sort the clothes in piles and start the machines,  use a timer to stay on task.   Front yard littered with trash uncovered by the melting snow?  See how much you can pick up in 15 minutes.    
Just take a bite and then another one.  It does not have to all get done today but you will be surprised what kind of dent you can make by just starting!


Blessings, 

Thursday, March 17, 2011

1..............2...............3

This has always confused me.   Why do parents count to three?  Do they not want expected behavior immediately?
Please parents ~ mean what you say and  I would like to preface this with ~  think through what you want before you say it.

When you count, overlook and/or give up you are speaking something louder than words.   "OK,  I don't care" 
Often the parent doesn't even realize what they are doing/not doing and in essence are working against themselves.   This will form a strong hold in your child that will effect them their whole lives.
 
A neighbor told of visiting her sister in another state. She was enjoying her coffee while her sister prepared her 7 year old's school lunch.  He was sitting, ready, waiting in a chair and watching a cartoon until the bus would arrive. 
It was quiet when Sammy said,  "Milk".  My friend watched her sister look up, stop what she was doing, go to the fridge, pour milk, get a straw, bend it, take it to her son and hold it for him to take a drink.  She then put it on the counter and continued to make the sandwich.  My friend said she watched this phenomenon take place 3 more times when she asked incredulously, "What ARE you doing???"  "WHAT?" The mom responded.    Her sister then painted the scene she had just been watching.   The mom stood speechless as she had not even noticed any thing odd about the picture.

This is what I'm getting at.  We train our children with everything we do or don't do ~ say or don't say.

Mom, Dad  Think it through.  Speak it clearly, eye to eye and mean it.  Follow through if you need to.  It is important.    These kids will one day be giving us our medications in the nursing home...I don't want them to forget  me!!

Blessings!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A new kid on the block!

Babies. There's nothing like them!

They can stop the traffic in a grocery store, cause old ladies to croon and push parents to the end of themselves!



When I hear that a couple, with marital problems, are thinking that having a baby will solve their issues, I want to scream, "NO! DON'T DO IT!"

Between the physical and emotional toll on the mom and the stress that this wee one can put on the financial budget (or non-budget) and responsibility of a dad, a new family needs to be PREPARED!


"Prepared" means alot more than a newly painted nursery and shelves full of diapers. This requires a commitment~ A commitment to stay strong and mature~ a commitment to push aside the basic need for rest and quiet~ a commitment to stand by each other!


Don't get me wrong! I love babies!

I just think that it would be smart to talk about it first. Read a few books. Get together with some friends who have children and ask questions. Babysit for a couple so that they can have a weekend away. Count the Cost!
The rest of your lives will be affected. It does not end at 18, 28 or 58 years of age. Your child is your child.


It is an absolutely wonderful thing.
Some days will be more wonderful than others :).

Just remember that the process is all encompassing and absolutely requires commitment!

Blessings!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Home: A magic place?

I listened recently as someone spoke of his home as a "magic place". It would seen that our memories get either better or worse as we grow older, depending on our perspective.

How do you want your home to be remembered?

....The yard where everyone wanted to play?

....The safe place? ....The house with the overflowing cookie jar, the hugging mom or the playing dad?

Decide today.
Start to bring your dream about.
Make the cookies. Hug the kids, have the friends over and Dad play ball!
It starts with one thing at a time. A promise made to yourself.

Perhaps;
"I am going to make (1)eye contact with each child that comes into my presence. I will (2)touch them and say a (3)good thing about them"

"I am going to give each one of my children a minute long hug each and every day"

Make your home a magic place. It's not that hard anymore in this uncertain world.

How do you want your home remembered and what can you do to set it apart?

A poem by a mom taken from a book by William Barkley in a "Commentary on Luke"

"Lord of all pots and pans and things,
Since I have no time to b
a saint by doing lovely things ~
or watching late with thee,
or dreaming in the dawn light~
or storming heavens gates.
Make me a saint by getting meals and
washing up the plates."



Magic
Blessings

Monday, March 14, 2011

Parents be aware

In Sunday School we used to sing a little song:
"Oh be careful little ears what you hear"

Our little ones are born with a clean slate and as parents we should be very aware as to what gets "written" on those innocent minds and hearts. It is important to check our selfishness at the door and consider the children that have been given to us to raise.

Things to be aware of:

1...You and "whoever" should NEVER argue in front of your children. Control your anger and WAIT until you can be secluded to talk it out. (it's called self-control)

2. Be aware of the company you keep. Remember children seem to hear everything ! Your friends, their play/school mates and public in general should be entered into with discretion.

3. Music. As parents many times we are not listening to the words of the tunes that may be innocently playing on the car radio, in the kids rooms or with their peers. Be attentive to this and check out the lyrics once in a while to keep on top of things.

4. Television. Be aware of what is playing on the tube. Many people are in the habit of just turning the tv on for sound when they are in the house. There are ALOT of inappropriate things, including advertisement, that our children do not need to hear

5. Our own mouths. Nagging, gossip, swearing, complaining, whining etc etc. The apple will not fall far from the tree.

We cannot live in a bubble but if you commit to being aware .. you will have a head start.

If you argue in front of the children...Apologize.
If your friends or their friends use inappropriate language, correct it.
If music is offensive simply turn it off. Take a stand
Turn the television off. Quiet is not that bad and is a lost "atmosphere". Choose appropriate shows in advance and keep a tight reign on the tube.
Clean up your own mouth/attitude. You can do it and it is important! Rear your children to be better than yourself. Find help if you need to.

Each and every offense can be used as a teaching point. Use it.
Be honest, forthright, practice what you preach and determine to parent well. You only get one chance. This clean slate does not come with an eraser.

Blessings!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

"Do not provoke your children to anger"

This is a quote from the scripture. Just what does it mean? Who would do such a thing?



Teasing, "poking fun"and with-holding promises can all be ways that we may be discouraging our children and "provoking them to wrath"



It is not a good thing to do.



Now, our big family has done it's share of teasing. It's all done in good fun, I'm sure, but if, by chance, the recipient is not laughing I think we need to look at what we are doing. Learning to laugh at ourselves is a good thing but I know many laugh with the group and then go away feeling picked on and discouraged.



Perhaps it goes with the saying passed down over the generations: "If you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all."



I have carried a sarcastic humor for a long time, in fact I used to have a sign that said, "sarcasm, just another service that we offer" yet I have decided in the past year that even though it can be fun in the right conversation and company...(.sparring and bantering, I believe some would call it) it is probably best to just not "go there". If there is even a possibility of someone getting hurt....why would we do it?



Children learn alot from example.



If we or anyone else have fallen into the habit of playfully teasing, jabbing or ridicule in "good clean fun" I think it's time to stop. Let's replace these actions with encouragement and praise, building our children up when ever we have the opportunity. How about everyday!! The world is sure to keep the balance for us as it tends to be a cruel place to live.



Let's examine our homes and families and make sure that no one's feelings are getting hurt, that no one is being teased and that we deal with the teaser even if it is our self!



Blessing!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Grandparents

Grandparents: How do you view them?

Well I believe that it goes without saying that it certainly depends on your own personal relationship with your parents and inlaws. Do/did you get along? If not why?

Grandparents can hold a valuable spot in a child's life.**

I never really had a personal relationship with my maternal grandmother. She lived an hour away and we would go visit on a Sunday when I was young. I think it was kind of a "children should be seen and not heard" type of relationship. Not bad...just kind of neutral. I feel like I had a little more relationship with my maternal grandfather, he spent time with us after my grandmother died. He liked music and would always be singing or saying his quirky little rhymes. Did they speak into my life....not really.

My paternal grandparents, were different in everyway from my other Nanny and Gramp. They lived in my town. I did not see them alot but my grandmother made some impact on me. I liked her. She would speak to me. She seemed interested. She liked raw hotdogs and I did too and we would share one once in a while!. That little insignificant memory makes me feel as if I knew her more. We called her "nanny with the harmonica" to our children as she could belt out a jig on that thing well into her 90's.
Memories.

What kind of grandparents do/did you have? What kind of grandparenting would you want? What kind of grandparent would you like to be?

Speaking at a MOPS group this morning I touched on this subject. I painted a couple of senarios and asked the moms how they would have wanted me as a grandmother to respond to the children. Some want the grandmother to be just that..a spoiler. "Mom please just be the grandmother." Others would like there parents to be an active part in the discipline of their kids.

It's all personal. But I do think it's worth thinking about. I am going to ask my kids what they would like to see in my grandparenting. I think I can take it! :)

Let me finish with this.
One thing I know that I don't like... grandmom or not...
I don't like to be made to sound like the bad guy. A visitor might say,"Johnny, If you keep running around, Ms. Wells is going to get angry at you" "If you continue to ask for cookies, Nanny is going to sit you in the Happy Chair" etc etc

NO ...If you are the parent..BE the parent. It's your job no matter where you are and a grandparent or friend should never be made to feel like a potential bad-guy because your child is acting up.

Things to think about and hopefully talk about. (perhaps you could send this forward as an ice breaker to your folks for dialog)

Blessings!

*** Grandparenting tips will be coming in future blogs!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Happy Chair**

Jayne is in the happy chair again! 5 times in less than half the hours. You are exhausted and it's barely 10 am. You just know that while she is squirming in that seat she is scheming her next onslaught!
How will you ever get through this day?

How I remember those days! Days that I would greet my husband's question of "How was your day" with "I've done nothing but spank bottoms all day!!" There are times when you can see in your child that nothing but an "encounter" is going to stop them. You try everything.... and it just does not seem to work.

Try this: Jayne has been sitting in the HC for about 5 mins. Go, take her by the hand, and bring her over to the rocker/chair/couch. Sit down and hold her on your lap. No need for words. Just hold her tightly and sit quietly. After 5 min. whisper a prayer over her and tell her how much you love her. Turn her around and look her in the eyes. Push back her hair and tell her how you need her to be a good girl today as you have many things to do. Tell her some of what the day is going to hold.

"Father , thank you for my sweet little girl, I thank You that You gave her to me and have blessed me so much. Lord I ask that You will help Jayne to obey mommy today. Help her to get along with her brother and not to throw anymore toys. Lord we need your grace."

"Jayne, I love you honey. Today is a big day. I need you to play while I finish washing the dishes and putting the clothes away. Can you do that for me? Maybe you can help me put away the spoons! After mommy gets done we are going to run an errand for Daddy and then we will come home and have some lunch...What do you thing you would like? Peanut butter and jelly? Grilled cheese? Maybe you will be able to have a popsicle after if you are real good! Then I will read you a story and you will have your nap. Later we can take the dog for a little walk before supper!"

Children usually will respond really well and can be taken off their "destructive" path with just a 5-10 minute intervention. I hope that you are able to get the "gist" of my talk with Jayne. Take a few minutes for a hug and snuggle. This can go a l o n g way in satisfying a child's needs for security, attention and boundaries!

You're doing a good job!
Blessings!

The Happy Chair is the chair I have and have had in my home where you sit "till you get happy"! (The time out chair)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Who me....Tired??

So often we are stymied by a problem with our child. We are usually tired and overwhelmed by our lack of ability at the same time. Thus the situation at hand looks like a mountain that will linger on way past any reserve that we might have.



A word of wisdom from my mom, "You are tired." "What does that have to do with anything you may say??" In one word ....EVERYTHING.



Tiredness tends to make us act in ways that we will regret tomorrow. We are not consistent. We parent from our "seats". We cover our lack of action by becoming louder. We make statements that we will not back up...promises that we will never fulfill.



Thus it is ALL IMPORTANT for mom to be rested (as best possible). Go to bed earlier. If you have a baby that is waking up in the night take a nap when the children nap or ask someone to watch the kids while you nap . (I realize when our children are gone this is the last thing we think we should do. We dive into the never ending list, sit motionless and stare into space or perhaps try to jam some activity that we have been wanting to take advantage of into that space. This is not the smart thing to do.



Girls......this time IS NOT going to last forever! I promise! Please hear me. Get your rest!! It will make ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the tenor of your home. Don't let the molehill become a mountain because of tiredness.



Blessings

Saturday, March 5, 2011

March

OK I believe we will all agree that it's time for winter to be over. The calendar is even saying it... about 2 weeks left ..then SPRING

Here's a fun thing to do with the family.

Turn the heat up, everyone get on their bathing suits and/or shorts and t-shirts and celebrate spring with the First Picnic of the Year!

Lay a sheet /blanket/tablecloth on the living room floor . Get out the paper plates, chips, and pickles. Maybe Dad will even fire up the grill for some hamburgers and hot dogs. You can do s'mores in the oven or microwave and talk about summer. This does not have to be fancy, just memorable.

Have each child find one thing in the house that reminds them of summer; towel, shell, sand pail, plant, tennis racket etc and then let them tell why they picked it. Perhaps you can take turns making up a story that includes all the items. Turn the lights off after you eat and lay on the floor in the dark. Think...sing some songs....tell a secret or favorite summer memory, or just dream out loud of your favorite summer vacation! You could play a game of memory with some items on a tray that everyone can look at for one minute and then mom takes the tray and removes one or two items and everyone needs to guess what is missing....or just take the tray away totally and see who can remember the most things...you could make teams.

Sometimes we just need to be spontaneous (with a little planning) If this is not your norm..TRY IT! It can't hurt ! This will make a memory and the kids will have something fun to talk about in school the next day!

(Mom go to the dollar store and buy everyone a pair of sunglasses!) You might even want to put on some Beach Boy music and dance.. The sky is the limit!

Have fun!
Blessings


Company

When was the last time you "entertained"?

I can imagine that some have just started to turn off the computer.

Entertained???? Are you crazy???? Do you have any idea what my house looks like? How busy I am? What my life is like??!!

Whoa!
Take a deep breath....

How about a cup of tea with a good friend? I know (for a fact) that someone's cluttery house does not bother me at all . Why?...Because it's not mine!

In this ultra busy time of the 21st century we have lost touch with our neighbor. We actually may not even know our neighbor! Even family visits are far and few between. We have lost touch. Busyness has taken over.

The computer's email, twitter and facebook and your cell phone have all aided in this dearth of physical, personal contact.

Isn't it interesting that people add porches, scattered with rockers, to their homes and they're not for use but curb appeal! Crazy.

Take some time back...Be intentional. Make a plan and a date. It can be tea at the kitchen counter, lunch on paper plates or an easy dinner of delivered pizza. Don't make it too difficult or complicated.
JUST DO IT!!
It's important. Our children need to know that people are important, that these times can be fun. Get the whole family involved! Turn off the TV .... the show is not that important!

Paper plates and peanut butter sandwiches would be such a treat to many young families.You could even invite them to the indoor picnic that I wrote about a couple of days ago. Let your company bring part of the meal. Be creative....have fun!

This is also a good time to see how your children are doing with other children and adults. This can be fodder for many teachings in the days to come
Blessings!


If you are enjoying these parenting tips I would ask that you forward them to friends. They in turn can email me at marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com and I will put them on my mailing list. They can also be found on my facebook page by friending me and lastly by going to http://www.comeinandrest.blogspot.com where you will see the compliation of all that has been written.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Family Dinner Table

I have a VIVID memory of the family dinners my family shared while growing up. We sat together 6 nights a week, at least, at 5:30 sharp!


My dad was a dairy farmer and my mom a homemaker and it was understood by everyone that the table would be set and food served at that time. My mom always had a hearty meal prepared knowing that hunger would be present. The table ususally had a cloth or placemats with napkins folded under the forks. Ice in the glass of water satisfied your thirst. The salt, pepper and butter dish were there and many times a small bouquet from the gardens. Nothing fancy but good.



It is a good memory. People talked, laughed, shared and enjoyed the food. It was often that one of my dad's many friends would "drop in" at that time and they would either join us or sit in my dad's easy chair and chat from the side. It was not strange at all. It was what we were used to.



My mom's meals were rather simple with potatoes, a meat and vegetable. Often fresh bread in a basket was present and ALWAYS a dessert of pie, pudding, cake, cookies, and the list goes on.



Although the food was hearty and delicious it is the feeling of family that rises to the top of my mind. Presence. Tradition. Normalcy. "It's all right with the world" kind of feeling. When I married and had a family of my own it was not even a question as to how "supper" would look. Of course..the same as it had always been!



I have a memory of my daughter coming home from highschool, not that many years ago, telling about the show of hands that the teacher asked for as to how many ate together. She was the only hand raised in that whole class! We were amazed. She would often say "My friend wants to come to dinner sometime," Seemed odd to us.



What's your memory? Good or bad I'm sure that you have one. I want to remind you that you can make any kind of memory that you would like. Begin now. Talk to your husband, figure out what you would like your family to "look" like. Decide what is important and what is not. Ask friends, watch families that you admire...you will see things that you would like to emulate I'm sure.



DO IT! It's an important part of family that has become almost non existent in this century.



Please contact me if you would like a list of menu ideas. I would be happy to speak to you about any of these topics!



Blessings!

Marnie

Teaching Your Child to Forgive

Teaching Your Child to Forgive

This IS important.
1 Asking for forgiveness
2 Being forgiven
It takes two
Isn't it interesting that from the very beginning.....as soon as they are able....little ones dislike saying they are sorry. This is a result of the "fall" and babies are born with a sinful nature. It comes naturally. They are not taught to sin. As parents it is our job to be molding these babes "in the way that they should go".
Today we chat about forgiveness.
It begins at the toddler stage. Johnny grabs the toy away from a friend, Suzie bites the neighbor, someone gets pushed down and the list goes on.. and on.. and on..Unfortunately with young ones this can happen multiple times a day never mind an hour. It is so important not to overlook these teaching times, because that is what they are!
~ Teaching Times ~
Don't take it so personally! Don't get so bent out of shape! You are the parent and it comes with the territory of children.

When you see an infraction happen or you have it brought to your attention, you need to drop everything to deal with it. I know some of you are saying "Great! I am not going to get ANYTHING done if I tend to this one issue alone!" Yes, that may be very true BUT you must realize that this problem parented rightly will slowly but surely become a non-problem.
So take the time now! You see it or hear of it. You shut the vacuum off and immediately go to the problem.
1. Take the child to the side.
If the infraction is obvious, deal with the child that it applies to. Take the teddy from Johnny and give it back to Suzie and then take Johnny aside and talk it out. You need to take the child out of the center of attention otherwise he will be too self conscious to hear you.We are talking about toddlers at this point. The point making that this is where it all begins and this is where foundational "bricks" are laid in their character. Their ensuing years will be affected by what happens now.
2. Get on the child's level.
This is important. Get down or lift them up to sit on your lap or the counter etc. You need to be eye to eye. You need their FULL attention.I realize that this will most likely involve 2 children (at least) and each will have a different story. You are the master sorter! If it means setting them both in time-out because you cannot get a grip on what happened that is OK. They both will need to say they are sorry and ask for forgiveness.
3. Deal with it to the end.
I know! I know! We would all much rather do what we were doing! So where were we? Ah yes..Johnny is in the corner with us talking. We have gotten to the bottom of the story and now it is time for action. Johnny has heard the talk and been instructed to go and apologize. He needs to look Suzie in the face and say "I'm sorry for taking your teddy." Susie needs to say "I forgive you" DONE
HA you say ~ if it was only that easy!! STANDOFF. All mothers shake their heads together now. What do we do now? I so wish I were eye to eye with all of you now as this could be so much more comprehensive... you have to see it through. The child is removed and set on a chair until ready to do as instructed.You are simply making your point and STICKING TO IT!!
Children are all different. Some will skip away and others will sit for many minutes until ready to comply. It is here, at these ages, that you as the parent are building the authority and respect that in later years will be invaluable as you deal with much greater things.
Blessings!
Please do this exercise with quiet, loving authority. There is no need to act personally insulted. YOU are the parent!
Now I fully realize that many reading this may be grappling with this issue on a personal level. If so I strongly suggest that you meet with someone to help you sort out your feelings, betrayal, anger etc. Your pastor's wife, a trusted friend, or even myself here at Gilead's Balm would be more than willing to help you with this. (You really cannot become a good teacher until you have learned the skill first hand)