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Sunday, February 27, 2011

One More L O N G Day

Does this title speak a thousand words or what? Even though it may be made up of different things for different people..we ALL know what it means and the dread that it sometimes can conjure up.

When my children were small (my first 8 came in 8 years) I remember sitting on the side of my bed and saying under my breath to God "Please don't make me go out there!I just don't think that I can do it another day...." My husband ran a tree service and I would think about how he and his crew could take a tree down, rake it up and drive away ..never to have it reappear. Moms and homemakers ~ HA!! ..the same dishes AGAIN... the laundry AGAIN ... the meals AGAIN... the toys AGAIN... the cleaning, the mopping, the runny noses.. etc etc etc. (I surely hope I have not put any of you over the edge seeing this in writing!) I used to think that a somewhat trained ape could accomplish the "mounds of mundane" that I faced daily.

LADIES or (Mr Moms) ~ It is NOT TRUE! Every little detail is being noted by Someone. None of it is going to waste. Your energies, your diligence, your loyalty to life and your family in making an immense impact on those within your home. You are erecting a foundation that your family will build on for their whole lives.

Don't give up! Don't despair! This IS a season and things WILL change.
So I give to you the words that the Lord whispered to me that morning. "Marnie, just start..."

Yes, just begin. Do what you find to do. Follow through, stay involved and interested. I beg you, don't check out thinking the commitment it too long. It will be just long enough.

Words from the scriptures became dear to me at that time in my life:
" In your weakness HE will be your strength" "His grace is sufficient for you" He will make a way where there seems to be no way" "Nothing is too difficult for God"

Hold on ... wait on Him, trust, and spring will come. The season will change. The time of singing birds is near.

Bless you all.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Shhh We're at the library!

The library is a wonderful place for children. Story Hour, books, DVD's and free movies..the list can go on and on. It is a great place to go on a rainy day when the children cannot go outside.

At our town library there is a play corner for children, a reading area and computers for use. It is an overall welcoming experience.

I am a firm believer that children should be exposed to reading and music as early as possible..even in the womb! Reading to your child will whet his or her appetite and stimulate not only their own vocabulary but a thirst for knowledge as well. It is proven that children who see their parents read tend to have a propensity for reading as well. A whole new world opens up to the child.

Sooo the balls in your court parents.... shut the TV off and make a weekly stop at the library. Start a reading contest at the house. We used to have a large poster up with each child's name where he/she would write the book title, author and # of pages etc as a type of contest. We would celebrate with an icecream sundae when the child would get to a certain number of pages or books.

Fun and mind healthy entertainment. Why not make it a family affair!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Kids say the darndest things!!

A friend on facebook shares a conversation between her children. It goes like this:

G: "You know, I can tell identical twins apart...its easy. you just have to figure out which one is fatter."
L:"Well Zack and Cody aren't really twins."
G: "Yes they are. they just don't look the same."
L:"Yeah 'cuz Zack is shorter and he's fat. well, not fat- but Codys skinny."
A: "Zack and Cody look the same to me...only they have different voices."
G:"Fat people have different voices sometimes. its true."

Ok read it again if you did not get it.

Kids can be really funny!

My suggestion; buy a journal at the dollar store and keep it handy... I have one that we have written in over the years. It contains all these kinds of quotes, sayings, innocent child wisdom that you think you will NEVER forget ....until you do.

Believe me each classic comment or action will soon be replace with another and they will all just get scrambled up in your brain.

I Know I Know One more thing to do....but you will be glad you did. In the years to come sitting around that Thanksgiving table you can unearth that book and entertain everyone . You know we ALL like to hear stories about ourselves...at least the repeatable ones

Blessings!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

What's Your Style?

To scream or not to scream...that is the question.

Do you glare? Are you a slapper? Do you smolder for a while and then erupt, or are you just a screamer? Truthfully none of these verbs are really effective, but today let's talk about screaming.

You hear them at Walmart, aisles away....over the din of the shoppers. They tend to make passerbys stare or look down uncomfortably. They seem oblivious to the public. So are you one of "those"?

I wonder if screamers know that they scream? Does this technique really settle the kids down, promote good behavior or calm the storm? I don't think so.

There was a time during my growing up years that we lived next to a screamer. I find it interesting that while it tended to make us (the kids next door) stop in our tracks, it did NOTHING to cause the children being yelled at to even raise an eyebrow. Interesting huh?

Take a couple of days,especially during this school vacation, and "listen" to yourself. Dare to listen. Dare to think about your approach. You CAN STOP screaming and be much more affective in your discipline using a calm steady voice.

I think screamers may beget screamers.

If you would like to talk more about this feel free to email me at marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com. I can help you with this habit and you CAN change your style to the benefit of everyone in your circle.

Get your childs attention.... quietly.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

School Vacations ...Yeah!!! or Booooo???

It sounds like a great idea! The kids are excited! A WHOLE week off from school!!We have visions of sleeping in later and not having to rush in the mornings. Ahhhh no backpacks, lunch money, teacher notes or homework. Heavenly.

AND THEN MONDAY COMES.

Of course the kids get up earlier than usual cause they are SO EXCITED about NOT going to school! All the toys come out! They are in and out, in and out, in and out.

Mom.....Mooooommmmmm!!

Food, food and more food. Friends, overnites, constant TV, computer and video games. The house looks like a war zone by the first afternoon!

How on earth will you make it till Friday!

Every year I invite my grandchildren for a week at Grandbabes. It's called Cousin Camp. As far as Im concerned there is only ONE way that we all survive....I plan ahead. My menus are made, groceries bought, days planned ahead. I fully know that this week would be total bedlam if I did not have a plan. The more complete the plan the better.

Well parents I would suggest the same for you. Take some time and make a plan for the family. Maybe you will go out for pizza one nite or invite another family over for an afternoon. How about a co-op for a day or three where 3 moms work together to each take the kids one day or better yet 6 moms making it not so miserable as now there would be 2 moms on duty. You get the idea.
Forget deep cleaning (unless you have a project that you are wanting to undertake with the kids home), having quiet time to yourself or any semblance of order in general. It is not a time to be fussy...it is a time to enjoy your kids, loosen up on your normal routine and decide to have some fun and enjoy the week. The library, sledding hill, movies and mall are all places to go for a little diversion. Make a plan and have some fun! The week will fly by and before you know it things will be back to normal !...whatever that is!

Monday, February 21, 2011

A Home without Walls

Parents...Please listen up.

I want to suggest to you that it is not the home you live in that makes a family secure, but rather it is the invisible shield and boundary that you build around as parents.

Little Johnny just would not stay in bed and Suzie kept throwing her food onto the floor. What was going on? Why was all this behavior surfacing? Well the family were in the midst of a move and living for a few days in a strange place. The children were unsettled, feeling the changes around them. What was a parent to do?

Here's my thinking:

The stability of a family should not be build on the security of our outward circumstances but should be based on the unseen foundation and "walls" that have been built by the parents. "It" should remain the same no matter the situation or whereabouts that you find yourself in.
There may be need for more one on one time, more explanation etc. but the walls and foundation of the behaviors you are trying to instill in your young ones should remain unshakeable. That is what the children are unknowingly looking for. They are needing to know that the stability and presence of their mom and dad are still the same even though the outside circumstances have changed.

Mom and/or Dad need to put little Johnny to bed with plenty of love and affirmation while also reiterating that the "house" rules remain the same. When you are put to bed..you stay in bed.
Suzie needs to be taken from her chair into another room and spoken to quietly and firmly..reminding her that this is NOT what we do with our food.
Now of course the behavior may not stop as on any other given day but you need to see it as simply another chance to reiterate that you have expectations that you will follow through on no matter where you are or what you are doing.
Some children seem born to test and they will no matter what the situation ...Dont let it send you into orbit ...USE IT to continue to teach them that you are the parent and that obedience is crutial for their well being and happiness.

Blessings on you as you build those solid, unseeable walls around the ones you love the most. Let them know again that the security they feel is in the family you have together not anything else.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

STL #2 (Speaking their language)

More thoughts on this subject.

I remember, at the conference, thinking that I did not know what my "language" was. I honestly was lost...I started then thinking about what I "do". Knowing that I tend to cook, clean etc etc with my children and loved ones in mine I realized I am definately an Acts of Service person. As soon as I actively thought about it I realized YES! That also was my personal love language. Ex: When my children came to do my fall yard work it blessed me for MONTHS!!

Later that afternoon, after arriving home, I sat down with my 16 yr old daughter (the youngest) and our exchange daughter also the same age. We talked about the subject at hand and while our Korean had to think about it for a bit, my daughter immediately teared up and said "I know what mine is and I dont get it very often" OHOH I braced myself for her admission and heard her say "I love words of affirmation" Ugh...Is this a strong point of mine....NO!

I took a deep breath and readily admitted, although I was not making excuses for myself, the family I grew up in did not make a habit of verbally "patting us on the back" You set the table etc etc because it was your job..period..and you did not expect to be affirmed. I explained that I felt I had good parents and came from a good home but it simply was not the habit...something natural. BUT was it something that I could now change!! WHY CERTAINLY!

Was it too great a cost to be able to fill my daughter's "love tank" with affirmation? No ...do I have to remind myself on a regular basis? YES! Practice makes perfect they say and practice also makes it easier to be more intentional.

SO Study your "subjects" hard and long. Ask questions. Try out a few things. I'm sure at least one thing is going to surface if not a couple. Ask the Lord for creative thinking and things will begin to change in the arena where you live!

If you have questions about this subject I would be more than happy to dialog with you.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Speak Their Language

There's a great book out called the "Five Love Languages". It touts that if you can figure out your child's (husbands, co-workers, mother in laws) love language you can change the world!
I read the book years ago and have even gone to a conference featuring the author. I must say I think I agree!

The languages are...
1. Quality time
2. Gifts
3. Words of affirmation
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch.

This has merit!!
I believe it you take some time to actively watch and experiment with your child (etc) you can make significant headway in your bonding and relationship building.

Here's a hint: We "tend" to speak our own love language. If you love to recieve gifts you very likely love to give them. This is not fool proof but does show a tendancy to prove itself out. You may have 1 or 2 "languages" that follow closely together.

Try it out.... Do some research.... Hey! Read the Book! It's facinating and can only help the quality of the family.

Have fun!
M