Teach the Lesson Well

A reader writes:

"My daughter is 8 now and when she is with me she (most of the time) is very compliant and sweet. However, when she is with her friends she starts to almost act like she is a mini-teenie-bopper. The way she talks changes, her mannerisms, and she doesn't seem herself. She doesn't act bad or do anything wrong in particular but I see an attitude that I'm not sure I really like.....do you have any suggestions about what to do about this?" 

 

You are ABSOLUTELY right  that it is not what you want to see.  She is growing up and there are new lessons every day.  You are doing a good job.

Your daughter  needs to know her boundaries clearly.  Do not back down and if she cannot "pass the test" with friends then she is not old enough to spend time with them.  Explain it well 

One day my grade school daughter asked to go to the library with friends. Now I knew these girls and they attended her school but I knew they did not have the same focus that our family did, (they dressed and acted well past their age).  I ended up saying yes and that I would pick her up at a certain time.

When I arrived the girls were not studying but were sitting in another part of the building and as I walked up to them I noticed that my daughter's face was totally "made up"  .  I addressed her friends and we said good by and headed for the car.  On our way home after a bit of chat I said   " well, you failed the test."   "What test?" my daughter responded.  

I then explained to her the reason I let her go to the library was not for a makeup lesson but to study,,, I made it clear that she would not be allowed to do this activity again until I felt that she could hold her own and stick to the parameters that were set.

During these years we are constantly testing our children's actions  As we loosen tight boundaries and allow them to be "pushed out" a little, we watch and listen to see if our child is mature enough for the added responsibility...the test.   If not we set the boundary back in place.  We should not be moved by our child's peers    Didn't you ever hear your mom say "Well, I'm not Johnny's mom!"

6 years later this lesson will still come up in conversation(in a good way)  I want children that will be their own person and not swayed by all the personalities that they will meet along the way.  Whether it is riding the bike around the block for the first time , using the phone or taking the car...Make the boundaries known and then stick with them.   It is a wonderful thing to see your child mature and "get it"    During these years it is your job to protect and teach. Teach the lesson well....You don't have to apologize for well thought out boundaries.

  Stick with it

Blessings!